Life Is Short

I haven’t been online in a few days.  It’s been a whirlwind of emotion so forgive me if I’m not writing coherently, but I need to share in a safe place.  My former husband is currently in the hospital in surgery, emergency surgery, serious issues.  My kids are in turmoil emotionally as am I, although I am out of the loop in his family unit.  Most likely it’s cancer that he ignored for a long time and I’m not sure what the Dr. will find, but it doesn’t look good.  My kids found out recently when they thought they were going to see their dad and grandparents on a scheduled visit.  Instead, their grandparents told them that their dad was hospitalized the night before and that they were going to see him after they went on a previously scheduled family day trip.

The kids came home after a full ‘family fun’ day followed by a visit to the hospital with a convoluted story of what’s wrong with him and how he ended up in the hospital.  None of it made sense, but when I asked further, they didn’t know details.  They seemed concerned, but not scared.

Fast forward to early this morning when my former husband’s father called me.  I guess because the kids weren’t answering, he called me.  (They were asleep).  He gave me little information but said that my former husband was going into surgery asap and so the kids had to come right away to hospital to see him before the operation.  I complied; woke the kids up and sent them to the hospital.

In the meantime, I texted my former husband telling him that I am sorry to hear he was ill, that I am keeping him in my prayers and ended with ‘you are loved,’ because I’d been with the man since I was in my early 20’s and I guess there’s a small part that still loves him (even though I don’t want him back).  He acknowledged my text with a ‘thanks’ which is more than I’ve heard from him in awhile.

I’m sad for him and his family and I’m sad for my kids.  Maybe this will be a wake up call for him to connect again with his kids and himself.  I’m scared that he won’t make it through the surgery.  I’m praying for a good outcome.  And on Christmas Eve?  It’s a lot of emotional turmoil here.  I’m staying strong for the kids and only cried when they left the house for awhile.  No need to have them worrying about me.  I have to be their rock no matter what happens.  Can you just say a little prayer that my kids will be ok?  Thanks for reading…

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22 Responses to Life Is Short

  1. OMG, my thoughts and love are with you and the boys. If you EVER need to talk 24/7, you know I’m always here for you. ALWAYS. xx


  2. Sam D.C.C. says:

    Oh no…I’m so sorry to hear this. Such a confusing and scary time, I know. Strained relationships make it so much more difficult but I’m proud of you for telling him he is loved, what was in your heart. That matters even when you may not feel so.

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      Thanks Sam. I just didn’t want anything to happen and regret not saying it. I’d rather err on the side of being kind and authentically me than holding back. That’s my kryptonite though…because it’s not appreciated. But I think he must have known it’s just me being me…I hope you have a Merry Christmas!


  3. Thinking of you Janie… Not a nice situation at the best of times, but worse at Christmas. Sending love, light and strength your way 💕

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Sometimes a health crisis or bad diagnosis can be a wakeup call to get your priorities straight. Sounds as if you are making a space for your former husband to reconnect.

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      I’m trying. I just want him to reconnect with his kids and Christmas miracle would be to co-parent but I’m not holding my breath. I let that go a long time ago. Thanks for stopping by. Merry Christmas


  5. Such a shock ! I will definitely say a prayer for you all 🌹


  6. bone&silver says:

    Bloody hell, what a shock for everyone, and what a horrible time of year for it to be happening 😱. Sending out love and kindness is a beautiful reaction for you to have, well done. May it all heal easily, for all of you; keep choosing generosity and calmness as much as you can 🙏🏼❤ G


  7. Oh dear, what a awful time you are all going through. Hope all goes well and things improve. Best wishes, xxx


  8. Create Space says:

    Not an easy time for you Janie or your children but ye are doing the very best ye can. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. Xx


  9. I will say a prayer for all of you. 😘


  10. Manu Adams says:

    Our prayers and love are with you. May God help you in this difficult time.


  11. TJ Fox says:

    I’m so sorry, Janie. As always, hugs to you and your family from afar.


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