Last weekend I went back to the online dating sites. It’s really bizarre to me that we’ve come to this – swiping right or left – judging people on their looks and their quick bios. What I’ve found is that it’s exhausting on a lot of levels. Does anyone else have these issues?
1. He ages in his profile pictures at a ridiculous rate – for example, first photo shows young, good looking man, but by the 3rd photo, he’s aged 10+ years. What is that about? Don’t you think that if we meet I’ll be expecting you to look like your first photo and not the last one? Come on…be honest and own how you look and who you are.
2. Horrible nicknames that are inappropriate. Do you really think that I’m panting with desire when I see your nickname of bigpenees? Did you think that I didn’t get that you were calling yourself big penis? Or how about the creep who, in his profile, asks if you want to see his turkey baster because (I’m guessing?) he thinks he’s being cute around Thanksgiving holidays? (Yes, I did delete both of them immediately.)
3. ‘I’m a generous lover’ and ‘I am looking for my partner in crime’ are frequently quoted. What does that mean? Generous lover? And who wants to be your partner in crime? Your partner, yes? But how ridiculous ‘in crime’? Are we knocking over a bank after our date?
4. While I think you’re cute and I like that you’ve already swiped right for me…answer me this! How can you like me when you live 100 miles plus away from me? Do you really think we’re going to date when it would take hours to see each other? Seriously? Why bother? Am I being lazy? Or are you just swiping right on everyone to see what happens?
5. And what’s with all the shirtless selfies in the bathroom mirror? Or the height/weight facts? Are you secretly hoping we women will do the same? Or do you think we should be impressed by your pecs? Can’t we leave a little mystery? I can see your toned body through your tight t-shirt. Believe me, that’s way more intriguing because then I get to fantasize about getting to the passionate point of taking off your shirt and that’s way more fun!
6. Sometimes when I read what men say that they’re looking for I have to take a deep breath and get off the dating site. Because that perfect woman doesn’t exist for your pleasure unless you’re maybe paying her. You’re not ordering from a take out menu that lets you specify what you want and don’t want. In fact, what I want to know is what you’re bringing to the relationship?
7. You “claim to be a good listener but I don’t want to be a crisis manager in your life.” Well, frankly, I wasn’t asking for that…but I’ll say that it shows what baggage you’re still carrying around. And what’s with the ‘swipe left for drama’ comments? I sometimes have to wonder what kind of girls you’ve been dating since you feel it’s so important to mention this stuff?
8. Catfish – I suspect you when you only have one photo, a short bio and you’re incredibly good-looking. And when you reach out to me, I don’t take the bait. Because there’s not enough substance there for me to believe you. It’s a shame because some photos and bios have piqued my interest, but who knows who’s on the other end of the profile. Has that happened to you?
9. Please don’t text me and then vanish into thin air. Mid-conversation you ghost and poof! You’re gone like the wind. Well, that’s fine. No worries. I just think to myself – Next!
9. I appreciate your honesty. But when you say you’re separated, to quote Randy Jackson, That’s gonna be a no from me dog. Or the couple seeking a girlfriend because they’re polyamorous? No thanks. And what’s with all the sapiosexuals? I had to look up sapiosexual meaning (a person who finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing) to figure out what it was. While I like the idea of sapiosexual, I think I need a bit more than only your mind, at least at first, before we grow old…
10. The saddest part of all is this: we’re all just looking for a connection and a relationship. Someone who will be there for us and vice versa. But I really don’t think swiping is the way to find it.
Am I feeling a bit jaded? Yes. Does anyone want to offer some advice because I’m not doing this that long and I am already tired of it? Tired of men I’m not interested in sending me strange messages and the ones I may be interested in not sending me messages.
I miss the good old days when meeting people was easier, we didn’t have so much baggage and people met naturally and not so superficially. Don’t you?
♥
I don’t know what it’s like to find a mate/date like this, but I’ve heard a million horror stories from friends who have tried it–and ONE success story. A friend met someone a couple years ago and they are going strong. She had been alone for a few years and wasn’t willing to compromise her morals/integrity/boundaries just to have a warm body and/or companionship. If you ever meet a real, authentic, heart centered man, let me know and I might give it a try! xx
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Well, Rosebud, so far a big fat NOTHING has come from it. And I’ve heard horror stories myself so I’m just trying it for now as a lark because to be in it with heart seems premature considering all the crap that goes along with it. I think the online dating scene gets weird because people can hide behind the keyboard and say things that hopefully they’d never say in real life face to face. That’s the scary part that I just don’t understand. I think online dating is for the birds – but since I’m flying solo, I thought I’d give it a try because you never know what good could come of it! 🙂
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You are a living embodiment of Brene Brown walking through fear! I don’t think I have the energy to give (or too many EFFS LOL) at this point. Yes, I’d like someone to hike with and hang out, but I also want someone to honor and cherish me but don’t feel very hopeful about THAT. At least for now 🙂
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Thank you. You are so sweet. Hope is hope. I think once we find ourselves and are happy with who we are, then we can begin to look and when the time is right…hopefully he happens. Until then, it’s just timing. You will find love again. You’ve got a magical light inside that’s hard to miss – the right one will come along and I can’t wait to hear all about him! 🙂
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Right now I’m content with a very younger little man LOL. He’s just as excited to see me, so I know his love is to be trusted 🙂
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Absolutely! ♥
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Oh Janie you have given me the best smile on my face for days 😁 I remember the dating site so well, the site owners even asked me to write a blog for them every week lol. I chose a dating site for the over 50s even though I got emails from the 30s!
I met my husband who lived 300 hundred plus miles from me yet we met and eventually married. I’m not a believer in the swipe left or right sites. I preferred getting to know someone online initially, not too long, a few weeks then a meet for a coffee to see if we clicked. Honestly Janie in and amongst the men on dating sites little gems are waiting to be found, just like you are. Anything worth having takes time. But remember just as there is no such thing as the perfect woman neither is there a perfect man! Always here for you 🌹
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Thanks Elaine! I am so happy to hear you are a success story in online dating. I knew there had to be diamonds among the rhinestones and there you and your hubby are! DIAMONDS! YAY for you! I’m just wondering how many other women are frustrated – and how many other men are? I think you would have written a great blog for the dating site! You still could because you’re my inspiration!! Love to you dear Elaine! I love that sleeping angel you posted today too! ♥
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I used to get up to 100 emails a day when I was on the dating site lol. I could have been a serial dater! I learnt some hard lessons through making bad choices because I was too trusting but eventually I got there in the end. I also used to change my photo often because there’s nothing worse than an old photo 😉
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Good thinking. Thanks for sharing Elaine! I’m about ready to let it go and stop for awhile. So when I return, I’ll put up a new photo. I am sure you were/are the belle of the ball! 🙂 Good for you!!
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You have to get involved and the hardest thing to realise is the men you may like the look of are looking for someone younger. Look older Janie and keep us informed 😉
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I will keep you informed Elaine for sure! 😉
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😁 can’t wait! In fact I think I should interview them before you meet. 🤗 Oh I know what I wanted to ask you, is your ex still seeing his lady friend?
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Funny you should ask about her. They broke up. Yes, you get to interview them. Great idea! Thanks.
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I knew they had! Hmm Ive still got my psychic abilities 😉
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Yes you do!! 🙂 Lucky me!
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Great post. And you’re right…very easy to be jaded. Fyi…the third picture is the guy you’ll see…
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I figured out the picture thing after awhile. It was just annoying to me to have to wade through till the end to see how he’s aged. I hate feeling jaded. It’s not my personality to be wary or to dealing with shenanigans. Thanks LA. Hug that hubby closer today. It’s slim pickings out here when you’re online dating.
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Don’t worry. It’s out there for you!
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We can still meet people face to face, but we have to leave our comfort zone. Go to places that interest you, and if the timing’s right you could meet someone. Even if you don’t, you’ll be someplace that brings you joy. ❤
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I have been doing this as well and enjoying it. Thanks for the suggestion. I’m all about the joy! ♥ Hope all is well with you!
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Look at it this way, they are weeding themselves out right away so you don’t have to meet them and then find out they are that same person, but to your face. Can you imagine having to try and get out of some of those situations?! I think I would really struggle if I had to date today, but I’d still go the online route if I did. Probably because those people tend to be pretty upfront with their crazy/lazy/ugly personalities. Those that are decent humans, I’m actually going to get a change to know on a completely different level than in person meetings allow. Yes, it is crazy and sometimes daunting, but… can be worth it.
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Thanks TJ! I am just wading through as I am sure they are as well. It’s interesting how you can see red flags from certain comments and those people, I am staying clear of at all costs! 🙂 And yes, I hadn’t thought about the meeting in person and realizing so yes, this online thing keeps the distance. You’re right!
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Don’t do Tinder, that’s for the young folk (most of whom still look good & fit, and basically YOUNG!). Try OKCupid, or e-Harmony; search for ones for the ‘older’ age bracket. Don’t give up Janie; have some fun, try not to project too much, keep doing fun things in real life too (Book Club/volunteer/hiking group etc etc) & see what the Universe offers you 🙂 G x
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Thank you G! I have been told to stay away from Tinder so I obliged. I’m just taking it slowly, step by step…and see where it leads me! 🙂 Sending hugs your way! xx
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I disagree about not doing Tinder. I took on a dating project after my divorce and tried out about 10 different sites. The 2 best sites were Bumble and Tinder, and no, I’m not from the younger generation. Online dating is hard work, and to be successful it requires a lot of vetting of candidates. I made it a goal to go on 1 date a week, and I journaled all my experiences. I had a lot of ups and downs, but will tell you that in the end, it was worth it, and I met my man on Tinder. If you are interested in hearing my stories, please check out my blog. I’ll be updating weekly with stories from my project. Keep your head up high and think positively. Your companion is out there waiting for you.
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Thank you for sharing! Congrats! I will definitely be checking out your blog and your journal entries! So happy for you!!!
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Thanks- yes, I’ve done lots of online dating too, & am a huge advocate of it for women over 50! I’m glad Tinder worked for you, I just found it too sex/image based. As long as we’re having fun looking, I’m happy 😊
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I haven’t tried tinder but I’m glad it’s worked for someone in a positive way! 🙂 Thanks G! 🙂
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Honestly, I don’t think I will ever do online dating. I just don’t think people are genuine. Good luck to you on your journey FAR AWAY from narcissism!
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Thank you! It’s a challenge and I don’t check it all the time because it becomes too much. If you want to do it, you will know you are ready to if that’s what’s meant to be.
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Absolutely loved reading this!!!
I would love to hear your thoughts on my latest post!
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Interesting take on parenting/dating/adulting. I really liked it! 🙂
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Thanks a lot for your time!
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I admire you and I have a friend who met his wife that way and they have been married for almost twenty years. However I would suggest exercising extreme caution. I tried it briefly and actually found it quite healing. It showed me that I did indeed have stronger boundaries than I used to have but I am in no hurry to go down that road again.
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I will be updating my latest in a post soon. Thanks for sharing. I’m happy for your friend! I always like to hear good stories about online dating!
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So what’s the biggest difference in dating way back when and dating now? I think instant gratification has killed online dating. When a man/woman sees a shinier object online or becomes bored with a the conversation, instead of trying harder they just go onto the next thing. Exasperating to say the very least.
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Way back when, the dating pool was everyone because we were young – lol! We met people easier I think because we didn’t carry baggage. Instant gratification has killed that, I agree. It was a more personal meeting instead of this swiping left or right and all the potential lies that comes with online and not in person. Not that in person they couldn’t be liars too, but there’s no catfishing when you meet face to face. Does that make sense? It is exasperating. I agree.
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Entirely accurate!!!! I also think being able to see someone face to face made a difference too!
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I agree with you! Face to face to see if we have chemistry is needed for sure.
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