Online Dating Dilemmas

Last weekend I went back to the online dating sites.  It’s really bizarre to me that we’ve come to this – swiping right or left – judging people on their looks and their quick bios.  What I’ve found is that it’s exhausting on a lot of levels.  Does anyone else have these issues?

1.  He ages in his profile pictures at a ridiculous rate – for example, first photo shows young, good looking man, but by the 3rd photo, he’s aged 10+ years.  What is that about?  Don’t you think that if we meet I’ll be expecting you to look like your first photo and not the last one?  Come on…be honest and own how you look and who you are.

2.  Horrible nicknames that are inappropriate.  Do you really think that I’m panting with desire when I see your nickname of bigpenees?  Did you think that I didn’t get that you were calling yourself big penis?  Or how about the creep who, in his profile, asks if you want to see his turkey baster because (I’m guessing?) he thinks he’s being cute around Thanksgiving holidays? (Yes, I did delete both of them immediately.)

3.  ‘I’m a generous lover’ and ‘I am looking for my partner in crime’ are frequently quoted.  What does that mean?  Generous lover?  And who wants to be your partner in crime?  Your partner, yes?  But how ridiculous ‘in crime’?  Are we knocking over a bank after our date?

4.  While I think you’re cute and I like that you’ve already swiped right for me…answer me this!  How can you like me when you live 100 miles plus away from me?  Do you really think we’re going to date when it would take hours to see each other?  Seriously?  Why bother?  Am I being lazy?  Or are you just swiping right on everyone to see what happens?

5.  And what’s with all the shirtless selfies in the bathroom mirror?  Or the height/weight facts?  Are you secretly hoping we women will do the same?  Or do you think we should be impressed by your pecs?  Can’t we leave a little mystery?  I can see your toned body through your tight t-shirt.  Believe me, that’s way more intriguing because then I get to fantasize about getting to the passionate point of taking off your shirt and that’s way more fun!

6.  Sometimes when I read what men say that they’re looking for I have to take a deep breath and get off the dating site.  Because that perfect woman doesn’t exist for your pleasure unless you’re maybe paying her.  You’re not ordering from a take out menu that lets you specify what you want and don’t want.  In fact, what I want to know is what you’re bringing to the relationship?

7.  You “claim to be a good listener but I don’t want to be a crisis manager in your life.”  Well, frankly, I wasn’t asking for that…but I’ll say that it shows what baggage you’re still carrying around.  And what’s with the ‘swipe left for drama’ comments?  I sometimes have to wonder what kind of girls you’ve been dating since you feel it’s so important to mention this stuff?

8.  Catfish – I suspect you when you only have one photo, a short bio and you’re incredibly good-looking.  And when you reach out to me, I don’t take the bait.  Because there’s not enough substance there for me to believe you.  It’s a shame because some photos and bios have piqued my interest, but who knows who’s on the other end of the profile.  Has that happened to you?

9.  Please don’t text me and then vanish into thin air.  Mid-conversation you ghost and poof!  You’re gone like the wind.  Well, that’s fine.  No worries.  I just think to myself – Next!

9.  I appreciate your honesty.  But when you say you’re separated, to quote Randy Jackson, That’s gonna be a no from me dog.  Or the couple seeking a girlfriend because they’re polyamorous?  No thanks.  And what’s with all the sapiosexuals?  I had to look up sapiosexual meaning (a person who finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing) to figure out what it was.  While I like the idea of sapiosexual, I think I need a bit more than only your mind, at least at first, before we grow old…

10. The saddest part of all is this: we’re all just looking for a connection and a relationship.  Someone who will be there for us and vice versa.  But I really don’t think swiping is the way to find it.

Am I feeling a bit jaded?  Yes.  Does anyone want to offer some advice because I’m not doing this that long and I am already tired of it?  Tired of men I’m not interested in sending me strange messages and the ones I may be interested in not sending me messages.

I miss the good old days when meeting people was easier, we didn’t have so much baggage and people met naturally and not so superficially.  Don’t you?

♥