Online Dating Dilemmas

Last weekend I went back to the online dating sites.  It’s really bizarre to me that we’ve come to this – swiping right or left – judging people on their looks and their quick bios.  What I’ve found is that it’s exhausting on a lot of levels.  Does anyone else have these issues?

1.  He ages in his profile pictures at a ridiculous rate – for example, first photo shows young, good looking man, but by the 3rd photo, he’s aged 10+ years.  What is that about?  Don’t you think that if we meet I’ll be expecting you to look like your first photo and not the last one?  Come on…be honest and own how you look and who you are.

2.  Horrible nicknames that are inappropriate.  Do you really think that I’m panting with desire when I see your nickname of bigpenees?  Did you think that I didn’t get that you were calling yourself big penis?  Or how about the creep who, in his profile, asks if you want to see his turkey baster because (I’m guessing?) he thinks he’s being cute around Thanksgiving holidays? (Yes, I did delete both of them immediately.)

3.  ‘I’m a generous lover’ and ‘I am looking for my partner in crime’ are frequently quoted.  What does that mean?  Generous lover?  And who wants to be your partner in crime?  Your partner, yes?  But how ridiculous ‘in crime’?  Are we knocking over a bank after our date?

4.  While I think you’re cute and I like that you’ve already swiped right for me…answer me this!  How can you like me when you live 100 miles plus away from me?  Do you really think we’re going to date when it would take hours to see each other?  Seriously?  Why bother?  Am I being lazy?  Or are you just swiping right on everyone to see what happens?

5.  And what’s with all the shirtless selfies in the bathroom mirror?  Or the height/weight facts?  Are you secretly hoping we women will do the same?  Or do you think we should be impressed by your pecs?  Can’t we leave a little mystery?  I can see your toned body through your tight t-shirt.  Believe me, that’s way more intriguing because then I get to fantasize about getting to the passionate point of taking off your shirt and that’s way more fun!

6.  Sometimes when I read what men say that they’re looking for I have to take a deep breath and get off the dating site.  Because that perfect woman doesn’t exist for your pleasure unless you’re maybe paying her.  You’re not ordering from a take out menu that lets you specify what you want and don’t want.  In fact, what I want to know is what you’re bringing to the relationship?

7.  You “claim to be a good listener but I don’t want to be a crisis manager in your life.”  Well, frankly, I wasn’t asking for that…but I’ll say that it shows what baggage you’re still carrying around.  And what’s with the ‘swipe left for drama’ comments?  I sometimes have to wonder what kind of girls you’ve been dating since you feel it’s so important to mention this stuff?

8.  Catfish – I suspect you when you only have one photo, a short bio and you’re incredibly good-looking.  And when you reach out to me, I don’t take the bait.  Because there’s not enough substance there for me to believe you.  It’s a shame because some photos and bios have piqued my interest, but who knows who’s on the other end of the profile.  Has that happened to you?

9.  Please don’t text me and then vanish into thin air.  Mid-conversation you ghost and poof!  You’re gone like the wind.  Well, that’s fine.  No worries.  I just think to myself – Next!

9.  I appreciate your honesty.  But when you say you’re separated, to quote Randy Jackson, That’s gonna be a no from me dog.  Or the couple seeking a girlfriend because they’re polyamorous?  No thanks.  And what’s with all the sapiosexuals?  I had to look up sapiosexual meaning (a person who finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing) to figure out what it was.  While I like the idea of sapiosexual, I think I need a bit more than only your mind, at least at first, before we grow old…

10. The saddest part of all is this: we’re all just looking for a connection and a relationship.  Someone who will be there for us and vice versa.  But I really don’t think swiping is the way to find it.

Am I feeling a bit jaded?  Yes.  Does anyone want to offer some advice because I’m not doing this that long and I am already tired of it?  Tired of men I’m not interested in sending me strange messages and the ones I may be interested in not sending me messages.

I miss the good old days when meeting people was easier, we didn’t have so much baggage and people met naturally and not so superficially.  Don’t you?

 

 

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40 Responses to Online Dating Dilemmas

  1. I don’t know what it’s like to find a mate/date like this, but I’ve heard a million horror stories from friends who have tried it–and ONE success story. A friend met someone a couple years ago and they are going strong. She had been alone for a few years and wasn’t willing to compromise her morals/integrity/boundaries just to have a warm body and/or companionship. If you ever meet a real, authentic, heart centered man, let me know and I might give it a try! xx

    Liked by 2 people

    • janieleeds says:

      Well, Rosebud, so far a big fat NOTHING has come from it. And I’ve heard horror stories myself so I’m just trying it for now as a lark because to be in it with heart seems premature considering all the crap that goes along with it. I think the online dating scene gets weird because people can hide behind the keyboard and say things that hopefully they’d never say in real life face to face. That’s the scary part that I just don’t understand. I think online dating is for the birds – but since I’m flying solo, I thought I’d give it a try because you never know what good could come of it! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh Janie you have given me the best smile on my face for days 😁 I remember the dating site so well, the site owners even asked me to write a blog for them every week lol. I chose a dating site for the over 50s even though I got emails from the 30s!

    I met my husband who lived 300 hundred plus miles from me yet we met and eventually married. I’m not a believer in the swipe left or right sites. I preferred getting to know someone online initially, not too long, a few weeks then a meet for a coffee to see if we clicked. Honestly Janie in and amongst the men on dating sites little gems are waiting to be found, just like you are. Anything worth having takes time. But remember just as there is no such thing as the perfect woman neither is there a perfect man! Always here for you 🌹

    Liked by 5 people

  3. LA says:

    Great post. And you’re right…very easy to be jaded. Fyi…the third picture is the guy you’ll see…

    Liked by 2 people

    • janieleeds says:

      I figured out the picture thing after awhile. It was just annoying to me to have to wade through till the end to see how he’s aged. I hate feeling jaded. It’s not my personality to be wary or to dealing with shenanigans. Thanks LA. Hug that hubby closer today. It’s slim pickings out here when you’re online dating.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Letitgocoach says:

    We can still meet people face to face, but we have to leave our comfort zone. Go to places that interest you, and if the timing’s right you could meet someone. Even if you don’t, you’ll be someplace that brings you joy. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  5. TJ Fox says:

    Look at it this way, they are weeding themselves out right away so you don’t have to meet them and then find out they are that same person, but to your face. Can you imagine having to try and get out of some of those situations?! I think I would really struggle if I had to date today, but I’d still go the online route if I did. Probably because those people tend to be pretty upfront with their crazy/lazy/ugly personalities. Those that are decent humans, I’m actually going to get a change to know on a completely different level than in person meetings allow. Yes, it is crazy and sometimes daunting, but… can be worth it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      Thanks TJ! I am just wading through as I am sure they are as well. It’s interesting how you can see red flags from certain comments and those people, I am staying clear of at all costs! 🙂 And yes, I hadn’t thought about the meeting in person and realizing so yes, this online thing keeps the distance. You’re right!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. bone&silver says:

    Don’t do Tinder, that’s for the young folk (most of whom still look good & fit, and basically YOUNG!). Try OKCupid, or e-Harmony; search for ones for the ‘older’ age bracket. Don’t give up Janie; have some fun, try not to project too much, keep doing fun things in real life too (Book Club/volunteer/hiking group etc etc) & see what the Universe offers you 🙂 G x

    Liked by 2 people

    • janieleeds says:

      Thank you G! I have been told to stay away from Tinder so I obliged. I’m just taking it slowly, step by step…and see where it leads me! 🙂 Sending hugs your way! xx

      Liked by 1 person

    • fiftytwofd says:

      I disagree about not doing Tinder. I took on a dating project after my divorce and tried out about 10 different sites. The 2 best sites were Bumble and Tinder, and no, I’m not from the younger generation. Online dating is hard work, and to be successful it requires a lot of vetting of candidates. I made it a goal to go on 1 date a week, and I journaled all my experiences. I had a lot of ups and downs, but will tell you that in the end, it was worth it, and I met my man on Tinder. If you are interested in hearing my stories, please check out my blog. I’ll be updating weekly with stories from my project. Keep your head up high and think positively. Your companion is out there waiting for you.

      Liked by 2 people

  7. Honestly, I don’t think I will ever do online dating. I just don’t think people are genuine. Good luck to you on your journey FAR AWAY from narcissism!

    Like

  8. Absolutely loved reading this!!!
    I would love to hear your thoughts on my latest post!

    Like

  9. I admire you and I have a friend who met his wife that way and they have been married for almost twenty years. However I would suggest exercising extreme caution. I tried it briefly and actually found it quite healing. It showed me that I did indeed have stronger boundaries than I used to have but I am in no hurry to go down that road again.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. So what’s the biggest difference in dating way back when and dating now? I think instant gratification has killed online dating. When a man/woman sees a shinier object online or becomes bored with a the conversation, instead of trying harder they just go onto the next thing. Exasperating to say the very least.

    Like

    • janieleeds says:

      Way back when, the dating pool was everyone because we were young – lol! We met people easier I think because we didn’t carry baggage. Instant gratification has killed that, I agree. It was a more personal meeting instead of this swiping left or right and all the potential lies that comes with online and not in person. Not that in person they couldn’t be liars too, but there’s no catfishing when you meet face to face. Does that make sense? It is exasperating. I agree.

      Liked by 1 person

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