Single Parenting College Kids With Anxiety

I don’t know if it’s some planetary alignment or just plain exhaustion lately, but I’m tired.  And yes, I slipped up so I need to get back on the quit wagon.  But I did make it 10 days without smoking so that’s good.  But bad news is, with so much pressure, I caved.

Kids and their anxiety ramped up and my patience broke recently.  While I did keep my cool, I did extend some boundaries because I’m dealing with a lot financially with the ex (which they don’t know about) and I’ve had it with their blaming everyone else for their anxiety.  I know.  It’s not my finest single parenting moment.  Not that I said it to them in that way because I didn’t.  But I wanted to tell them to just do their work, study and move on.

I get that they’re diagnosed with depression and anxiety.  And I have them in therapy and now on meds.  And I’m watching out for them.  But who’s watching out for me?  Nobody.  I’m shouldering everything on my own.  And I’m exhausted – physically, mentally and emotionally.  Thank goodness I have my own therapist to talk with so that I can vent my frustrations and get advice.

But if you are a single parent and are handling kids with depression/anxiety then you know what I mean.  It’s hard work balancing everyone’s needs and knowing when to push and when to give in with patience.  And sure, there’s guilt involved because supposedly it’s all a fallout from the divorce and I’m the mom who’s divorced from their dad.  Is it just my kids or is it this generation?  Or am I such a hard-ass mother that I have no empathy?  Because I do have empathy for them, but at some point, in my unprofessional opinion, they need to step up their efforts.  I’m sorry.  Maybe I’m sounding cold or callous and I’m not really.  You know me.  I’m a big ball of mushy love and affection.  But I also won’t be blamed for them not getting their studies done, attending class or possibly not getting decent grades when they are fully capable.  Playing video games is your treat after getting your work done in my opinion.  Instead, they’re using them as procrastination/numbing out and it’s not working for me.

In my childhood, I came from a father who demanded perfection and there was no excuse to not get good grades or to do your work.  So I have a strong work ethic, although I’m not a perfectionist nor am I demanding perfection from the kids.  I just want effort made or let’s get off the college path and you can go straight to work.  Because this is a gift, this college education that I’m struggling to pay for with little help.  If you can’t appreciate it or do what’s necessary to keep it going, then let’s call it off.

That’s where I am today.  Thanks for reading.  I’m going to take a walk outside even though it’s cold here.  I think I need a breath of fresh air.

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21 Responses to Single Parenting College Kids With Anxiety

  1. LA says:

    The problem is we need empathy (which you have plenty of) but we also need to take care of ourselves. First off…you’re a good mother. Second, if you don’t take care of yourself you can’t possibly help them. Breathe. You got this.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I really don’t understand why you continue to beat yourself up all the time Janie! Your husband left you, he broke up the family not you. ❤️

    It will take time, depression and anxiety is a horrible thing to experience at anytime in our lives. I’m not meaning to be cruel but so how can you expect them just to get on with it when you struggle with it yourself.

    Why are you so hard on yourself Janie? You really have done nothing wrong. 🌹

    Like

    • janieleeds says:

      Oh Elaine. Why don’t we live closer because I feel the hug through the blog…and I appreciate it. I think I’m hard on me because I feel responsible for everyone and everything. Childhood upbringing I guess. It’s hard to let go of but I’m a work in progress. Thanks for being you Elaine xo

      Liked by 1 person

      • I wish we lived nearer, I didn’t sleep for ages last night thinking about you. You have to accept that you can’t hold yourself responsible for everything that happens. I understand you because I carry the blame gene too. It’s so hard to let go but unfortunately we can’t control everything.

        I went to the cinema with my youngest daughter and she said she had rung her dad and he was complaining that she never rang him! It’s the other way round. I had to laugh because she went to see him on his birthday and when he answered the door she put her hand out to shake his and said Hello, I’m Louise your daughter! I wish I could have seen his face. She is 38 this year and she still feels it! Basically no matter what we do we can’t stop the pain that they feel . That unfortunately is how they grow as a person.

        I’m so sorry that your children are suffering from anxiety and depression luckily mine were 20 and 22 when we split and they had good supportive partners.

        I hope they settle down because they have had the separation, his ill health, his selfishness and now leaving home for study. I would seriously consider letting them study nearer home if things don’t improve. I hope that doesn’t offend you.

        Finally look at me, I survived, pain and heartache doesn’t kill us it makes us stronger and better. Forget trying to stop smoking for the time being and give yourself a break. Look into that mirror every morning and night and repeat the words “ I am a very special women blessed with a beautiful loving soul, I am strong, I WILL get through this.

        Always here for you Janie
        Elaine ❤️

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      • janieleeds says:

        Elaine, thank you for being you! Thanks for understanding. Thanks for being my friend. Thanks for helping me. You never offend me. I actually do have the homesick one home now and attending college (but commuting there instead). So no offense taken since I’d already taken your advice before you gave i! LOL Great minds think alike! As for your daughter, I like that she went to see her dad on his birthday. Good for her. But obviously, I’m saddened that she still feels it. I guess some things, even though we heal, can still remain a memory.
        I do look to you for guidance and as inspiration! I will get through this, just like you! Always grateful that you’re my friend Elaine xoxo

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I understand. I am sure my 10 year old has anxiety. However it is hard to have diagnosed at his age. His dad and I are both sensitive to how he feels but you are right, eventually one throws their hands up and goes…..I dunno….

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  4. My thoughts on this are that I totally hear you and totally get you. Self-expectation is a killer, and it is really hard for the likes of you (and me!) to practice self-care and to lower our expectations of self and others. I had a bad experience with this after my divorce, and one of the people closest to me hurt me badly by telling me I should stop being “selfish” by trying to sort myself out so that I could be strong enough for my kids. I think about that comment a lot and shake my head… I was not at my best for my kids while I was struggling myself… and that’s what I’m hearing in your post. So, Janie, take time to be kind to yourself… be your own best friend… hard as it may be to accept, the most reliable person to look out for you… is YOU. Like they say in the aircraft safety demo, “Please out on your own oxygen mask before attempting to help others”.
    Sending love, my blogging soulmate!

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  5. I can relate a zillion percent! Hang in there…hugs!

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  6. Tim Connolly says:

    Interesting post! Thanks your so much for sharing.

    Like

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