When Men Get Divorced, Why Do They Stop Paying?

Many women complain that men, after they get divorced, stop paying financially and also emotionally for their kids.  It’s like once they’re liberated from their family unit, they cut the ties irrevocably.  Maybe it’s guilt that disconnects them because they feel badly that they have chosen to leave.  Maybe it’s narcissism.  Maybe it’s depression?  Maybe the ex-wife and kids are the reminder of the failure of the marriage?  His failure as a husband?  What is it?  Do you know?  Can you shed some light on this subject for me?

And I’m not saying that all men do this, but many women have found similar issues after divorce.  Many men seem to move on quickly and find new loves, new families, make new children and leave the ‘failure’ behind them.

While I understand why they cut the ties with their wives, I don’t understand leaving their offspring.  Certainly in this day and age, children have learned that they are the collateral damage in a divorce and that the break up is between the parents.  So that leaves an open door for the dads to continue to be in their lives.  Speaking for myself, I welcomed my former husband’s interaction with our kids because they needed it.  Time and again I told them all that they all needed each other and that they loved their dad and he loved them.  And I still believe it on some soul level.  But their dad’s actions are hollow, inconsistent and sometimes downright hurtful.  And our kids suffer for it.

I dislike the phrase ‘deadbeat dad’ but for me, it’s not just the shirking of the financial responsibilities legally binding him, but also the disconnection to our kids.  It’s like he doesn’t exist in their daily lives.  He’s a memory and like a bad penny, shows up occasionally wanting attention, but when the kids reach out to him, they’re met with silence.  It’s on his terms only.  I guess that’s the narcissist way and the fallout is from that, but it makes it harder on my kids.  And I hate that.

I understand why a divorced man doesn’t want to pay his ex-wife and resists it.  The marriage is over and he feels no obligation to her.  Ok.  I don’t like that attitude, but I can try to see that point of view.  But to not pay the required financial responsibilities for your kids?  It doesn’t make any sense to me.  Sincerely.  I wish someone could please explain that mentality to me.

Can anyone give me the reason?  Please?  Because I want to understand it.  Thanks.

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10 Responses to When Men Get Divorced, Why Do They Stop Paying?

  1. The V Pub says:

    I don’t think that there’s an excuse for anyone not providing for their children.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Any man worth anything would not stop paying for his children, basically he is a loser. At least he’s not living with you anymore. 👍 He will be forced to pay eventually. It sounds terrible but I think your kids are better off without him. You will probably find that they will always love him but they won’t necessarily like him as a person. 🌹


  3. Paula Light says:

    Mine stopped because he fell apart in all ways (starting long before the marriage ended, which is why it did), and ruined his business, so he had no money. He’s even worse off now. In a weird way, it made the girls and me learn to take care of ourselves, which was fine. He’s still an asshole though.


  4. Dwight says:

    So sorry Janie. Sending light – love – hugs


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