A Single Girl’s Lesson From Divorce

It took me awhile to learn this lesson, but it’s an important one.  I don’t need a man to complete me.  That being said, I would like to find a nice man to get to know and to one day have a relationship with that’s happy and full of love.  But in the meantime, I’m ok on my own.

When I was married, I loved being married to my then husband.  In the beginning it was wonderful as marriages often are – because why else would we marry?  After he abruptly left, I was grieving, floundering and had lost sight of who I am.  Because who was I without being his wife, partner and part of a family?

But time has healed many of the wounds and I’ve found an inner strength and knowing that I’d forgotten I’d had.  Because I’d been lost in the marriage.  Too focused on his needs, the kids’ needs and I’d left my needs buried somewhere, abandoned along the way in trying to be the perfect wife, mother and family.  I looked to him as my protector and the head of our household.  We revolved around him.  I was just a supporting player (yet the heart) in our family dynamic.  And it’s my own co-dependency, the pattern that we evolved into and my need to keep the peace that kept me bound in that role.

Breaking out of my comfort zone hasn’t been easy.  It’s like being reborn, but I will say that the growing pains, heartache and life lessons have been well-worth the evolution to becoming Authentically Janie.

I have full custody of my kids.  I am home to them.  I am my own boss, pay my own bills and my schedule has more freedom than before.  I am no longer tied to my ex, his schedule, nor his family.  I am free to be me.  I have let go of worrying about what people say about me.  I know I live my life with integrity.  I am far from perfect, but I am a good person.  I make mistakes, but not intentionally.  I forgive and I am grateful that he left.  Freedom came at a steep price, but it was worth it.  While it wasn’t what I would have chosen, it’s been a blessing in disguise.

My life is similar, but different than when I was married.  I am still responsible for the kids, but I parent alone.  That has been a hard struggle, but I have a bunch of friends who are in similar positions and we discuss as needed when we need help.  I sleep alone which took time to get used to, but now I enjoy stretching out and hogging the covers!  I am grateful for all the little and big things in my life.  I know that I’ve made them happen.  I know I can rely on myself and friends/family to help me.  I’ve left toxic friendships that I’ve outgrown.  The friends I have may be few, but they are true, steadfast and loyal.  The kids and I have an even closer relationship since we’ve been through so much together.  While I wish they hadn’t experienced the heartache, we’ve bonded in ways we wouldn’t have otherwise.

So if you’re having a hard time transitioning, take heart.  It takes time, but the journey is filled with newfound experiences that enrich us, shake us to our core and center us in our authenticity if we allow ourselves to get out of our own comfort zone.

You can do this!  Believe me.  If I can, you can.  And maybe someday, I will meet someone who will appreciate the woman I’ve become and we can enjoy time together.  In the meantime, I’m enjoying being me.  Aren’t you?

This entry was posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50, love and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to A Single Girl’s Lesson From Divorce

  1. gwennym says:

    Congrats on seeing the better side of heartache. I’ve experienced the same and am totally loving my singleness. I also love sleeping diagonally in my king sized bed!! Beautifully written, Janie.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Elaine says:

    I used to lay like a star fish, happy days. ❤️

    Like

  3. LA says:

    Beautiful reminder of how strong we all are

    Like

  4. heatherjo86 says:

    I’m sorry that you went through this, but I’m glad you were able to find yourself and your self-worth during this healing and growing process. I’ve gotten through hard times by relying on strength from God and throwing my burdens on him (1 Peter 5:7). He provides power beyond what is normal (2 Corinthians 4:7) and with his help we can get through anything. Thank you for sharing your experience. I love sleeping in the whole bed and hogging the covers too!

    Like

    • janieleeds says:

      Thank you for writing and sharing your experiences. I believe in God and pray as well. I am glad you’ve gotten through your hard times too. Enjoy that big wonderful bed and all the covers! 🙂

      Like

  5. I very much relate! Thank-you for sharing 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s