To keep you on your toes, narcissists spin the story of whatever they’re telling you. Listen closely, because depending upon whom they’re talking with, the story may change. Outright lies, embellishments of the truth and even small nuances are part of their cleverness which keeps the non-narcissist baffled. The scope of the audience is also a factor in how the story changes, depending upon the need of the narcissist for adoration and attention.
I chalked the story telling discrepancies up to forgetfulness or his need to brag when he wasn’t feeling very confident. “He just stretched the truth a bit,” I would think when I knew the dynamics of his audience and imagined that he felt a little inferior, so he was boasting. Sure, I would raise my eyebrows when he did it or downplay after he told it in order to smooth the truth into the story. But that never went over well with him and our relationship deteriorated until I found myself just allowing him to embellish and I stayed mum about it. My friends knew the truth, so to me, that was all that mattered.
But as time went on, the embellishments grew exponentially to outright lies. Stories would vary extremely. It was as if he didn’t remember the truth. Answers to point blank questions from me became some version of the truth until I completely stopped believing anything he said. I had put my head in the sand, constantly giving him the benefit of my doubts, before I caught him in too many outright lies and then I had to face facts.
The narcissist is an illusionist. Even when confronted with cold, hard facts they will not relent. They will twist the story to evade blame and make it someone else’s or even better, your fault in misunderstanding. It doesn’t matter how small the fact is that they’ve lied about as it can never be their fault. Narcissists are not to be criticized, otherwise you will be punished. Because in their heads, you deserve it. You doubted them – even when the facts say otherwise. It is a personal affront and you will receive their vengeance for your disloyalty.
As an empath, you can drive yourself crazy with this lunacy. You don’t know whether you’re coming or going. You know the facts, but this is your beloved so maybe there’s a reason why what he’s saying doesn’t add up. You question yourself over and over again. Then you begin to use your detective skills to sleuth, citing that you just need to know if he’s really lying this time. Over and over, the truthful facts outweigh the stories he’s telling you and everyone else. No more giving him the benefit of the doubt, even though in your heart you want to believe in him. Until you can no longer. And it’s over.
Caveat: You can still be triggered to wanting to believe him even years later. But stay strong. Stay centered. Do not waver. He has not changed his stripes. And he knows what works with you even today, years later after you broke up. Do not be fooled. Facts are facts no matter how he may try to twist them.