Lean on me, when you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend…I’ll help you carry on…
A friend invited me over to eat take out on her back patio last night. We drank wine, ate pizza and talked for hours. Well, I talked for hours while my friends listened, advised and supported me with stories of their similar experiences. Even though I wasn’t there longer than 4 or 5 hours, it was rejuvenating to reconnect with them.
We talked about every topic under the sun. We exhaled all sorts of emotions into the night blooming jasmine scented breeze. And I felt that spark again in me. A short flicker, but one I hadn’t felt in a long time.
I think that when we get so huddled in our situations, we limit our thinking. We isolate ourselves (at least I do) and then it’s like we’ve boxed ourselves in until someone comes along and opens the box or we push our way out of it. Maybe that’s human nature. But I know that it’s not healthy and last night’s experience was! because it got me out of my brain. It let me set aside my thinking and listen with my heart. The last 2 days of blog posts and comments have helped immensely too. And I am ever grateful to all of you.
I lost touch with my essence in all the madness. Fearful of how it would look that my kid failed, the disbelief that it happened, the anger, the sadness, the bereft feeling that I had for him, the disconnection, the anxious feeling I felt in regards to the imagined reaction from my ex and his family to my perception of my own bad mothering because my kid failed while living here so obviously it’s all my fault – had me not thinking clearly anymore. So tied up in knots, I felt like I was drowning.
That song Lean On Me keeps looping in my head. I awoke with it this morning and it hasn’t yet left me. I’m sorry if by posting a few lines of the lyrics that it’s now in your head too. But maybe that’s a good thing. A connection thing. A feel good way to start the day. Please know I’ve got my arms wide open ready to embrace you all. Thankful for your taking the time to read and to write to me.
You’ve got a friend in me….and so do I in you.