He’s good-looking, self-confident and alluring. He’s charming. He’s successful. He’s everything your Mama ever told you to find in a man. He treats you so well that you’re puddy in his hands. He’s all about you which makes you think you’ve finally found your knight in shining armor. He’s perfect! Everyone loves him and those that don’t, he makes you think it’s because they’re jealous. Because you want to believe in this fantasy that he’s spinning around you, you don’t question him. You don’t even realize that he’s vague about some areas of his life because you’re smitten! And really, it doesn’t help anyway because you’ve found that when you do question him on a tender subject, he feels threatened and shuts down. And you don’t like when that happens because it feels like the knight that you’re beginning to love has flaws. You don’t want that to happen because he seems so perfect so you retreat. And so the pattern begins to set.
He weaves a magical spell. He becomes everything you’ve ever wanted in a man. You can’t believe how lucky you are! Your friends are besotted by him as is your family. When someone throws a slight shadow to wonder about something he’s said or done, you quickly defend him. You may even mention it to him and he assures you that that person is not on your side. But he is. He doubles his efforts to be the best boyfriend ever and all doubts are put to rest. How could you have ever doubted your perfect man?
On the surface, everything is great between you. When you ask him about his family or friends, he tells you lovely stories. His childhood was perfect. You may even meet his wonderful family under the circumstances that he designs. They’re amazing and you feel lucky to be included with such a family. You fall into whatever social scene he wants because you feel lucky. You’ve found a man who loves his parents. They are close and they’ve welcomed you with open arms.
If he’s not close with them, you may hear a story which makes him the victim of someone else’s betrayal and you’ll immediately feel sorry for him for having to have dealt with such meanness. You’ll nestle in your heart that little boy who’s been broken by the bad people and you’ll hover to protect him. You’ll let him know that you’d never do such a thing to him. For after all, they’ve been so awful and they couldn’t have understood how amazing he is. You’ll defend him, support him and give him all of your love because he’s been through so much.
And the stage begins to set. The magic begins its web and the rose-colored glasses are in place. You see what he wants you to see because that’s what you want. You want to believe in Prince Charming. You’ve kissed a ton of frogs in your day and this one, well, he’s different. He’s not like the others. Sure, he has some flaws like leaving the seat up in the bathroom, but over time, that will change. You’ll be able to ask him more often when you’re married, to remember that the middle of the night bathroom trips with the light off because it bothers him need to have the safety of a seat put down so you don’t fall into the pot unexpectedly. The fact that he laughs every time with a chuckle that you don’t quite know what to make of, but still never remembers to put the seat down, irks you, but you’re a firm believer that things will change.
And so it begins…sound familiar?