I was watching some video about the saying, It’s not you, it’s me, and how when break ups sometimes occur, that’s the line used. I guess the, It’s not you, it’s me, is designed to make the person whom you’re breaking up with feel better, but I often wonder if it’s truthful or just one of those sayings.
Have you ever used that line?
I’ve never said it myself, but I’ve been the recipient of it. In fact, I was devastated by it because to me, saying that is akin to saying, You’re not enough even though that’s not what is technically meant by it. It’s supposed to feign the blame on the leaver so as to make the other person feel better. Either way, I think it’s a lousy line to use.
When my ex-husband left, I thought I wasn’t enough and that line came to mind even though he didn’t utter it. I wasn’t enough for him to want to stay as a family. Look back on some of my old posts and you’ll see that vein of thinking over and over.
But there’s a clarity that comes after healing. It wasn’t me…it was him. Because even though I’m a work in progress, I still know who I am. I am happy with who I am and even though the kids and I have fallen on hard times, we got even closer and I am still home to my kids. We share a trust and a bond of family that my ex doesn’t have because he chooses not to have it. While that hurts the kids, it no longer hurts me. I feel sorry for my kids’ hurt feelings about the way their dad is, but healing begins once we accept the truthfulness of a situation and find forgiveness.
So many times when we are left in a relationship, we blame ourselves. We try harder to be what we think the other person wants in us, but sometimes that has nothing to do with the break up. It’s simply because s/he doesn’t want to do this anymore and no amount of jumping through hoops is going to change it. And looking back, I’m grateful I didn’t beg him to return or to stay. I didn’t turn myself inside out to please him once he left.
I’m peaceful with my present situation. I don’t need someone to complete me. It’s taken what seems like forever to get to this place, but I am finally here…it’s all about me and my family…and it’s not about my ex. It’s not me…it’s you.