Are You Single Or Divorced?

How do you define yourself?  I’m asking for your opinion, if you don’t mind sharing.

If you’re divorced and back in the dating world, do you say you’re SINGLE or DIVORCED?  Guys, what do you say?  Do you say single or divorced?  Because…

I have divorced women friends who say they’re single. 

I have divorced women friends who say they’re divorced. 

The ones who define themselves as single after a divorce don’t understand why the ones who say they’re divorced don’t say they’re single and vice versa.  So I’m putting it out there to you.

If you’re in that situation, what do you say?

If someone asked me, I’d say divorced instead of single because to me, divorced says I was once married (and maybe even implies I have kids) while single seems like I was never married, nor had kids.  Although to me, divorced also states the failure of a marriage contract, which is defining as well.  Is my reasoning too simplistic?  Does it really matter anyway?

On a side note, what do you think of when you hear someone is single or divorced?  Does single (after a divorce) mean something different that I’m not aware of?  Is there some unspoken rule that I don’t know?  Does single not define if you’re divorced or never married?  So there’s an air of mystery?

Anyway, I’m just wondering what you think about the single vs divorce.  You don’t have to be divorced or single to chime in the discussion in the comments.  I love to hear from everyone!  Thanks for taking the time to talk about it!

This entry was posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50, love and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Are You Single Or Divorced?

  1. Kiersten says:

    I say I’m divorced. Saying I’m single doesn’t feel appropriate any more since I have a boyfriend.

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    • janieleeds says:

      Good for you Kiersten! Happy to hear you’ve found a boyfriend. That makes complete sense because the single wouldn’t work with a new guy in your life! But the divorced works perfectly. Before your boyfriend, did you use single or divorced? Just wondering…

      Like

      • Kiersten says:

        I still said “divorced.” I’m not sure why, but saying “single” felt like I was saying “I’m not with anyone right now, but I’m putting myself out there.” Probably because there are so many dudes who assume that just because you’re single you’re looking to date someone? I mean, I guess saying I was divorced wasn’t that different, but in my head it was, lol.

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      • janieleeds says:

        I think that it’s what we feel comfortable with in our heads that matters most. Thanks for sharing Kiersten!

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  2. I’m “self partnered” lol. I don’t call him EX, I say “former husband.”

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    • janieleeds says:

      When I am at peace with his shenanigans, I can refer to him as “former husband,” but when I’m not, he’s “the ex.” LOL
      Self-partnered…didn’t some celebrity say that recently? I like that it works for you…works perfectly for a Princess!

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  3. Dwight Hyde says:

    After 3.5 years, I was tired of the divorced label projected externally and internally. I’ve slowly progressed to single. Attempting to leave the past in the past I guess.

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    • janieleeds says:

      Thanks for stopping by Dwight and giving us the male point of view! I know how you feel about wanting to break away from the past and do away with the divorce label. I think my progress to saying single may be slow as well.

      Like

  4. Paula Light says:

    I’m divorced. I haven’t been dating for years (blech), but when I was, I presented myself as divorced. Single to me implies never married. But I also understand not wanting to think about the past (especially when it’s long past) or be questioned about it. If a person has been divorced for 20 years, does it matter which label they use? Probably not. I’m loving the new term “self-partnered!”

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    • janieleeds says:

      Thanks for sharing Paula! The ‘self-partnered’ term makes me smile too! As for 20 years divorced, I agree…by then it doesn’t matter. I think it’s just a distinction between having been married and not having been married. I’m sticking with divorced for now, but who knows? Maybe I’ll change to single or self-partnered one of these days! 🙂 We’ll see…

      Liked by 1 person

  5. TJ Fox says:

    I’ve always viewed single as a distinction of not being attached or not in a relationship, no matter the circumstances. Being divorced is a direct statement to your marital status, not your attachment or relationship status. There isn’t a huge difference, but I do see it as a difference. After my divorce when I was dating, I used single as a broad, general statement and reserved divorced for when it was more appropriate to get more personal. More of a “my history really isn’t your business unless I feel you are important enough to me to share that information” kind of thing.

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    • janieleeds says:

      TJ, I like the way you think as I think similarly about ‘it’s not your business’ with that distinction. I say I’m divorced for now, but maybe I’ll change it to I’m single one of these days. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I always appreciate your input! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. LA says:

    When I divorced from my first husband I don’t think I sad either. I think I just said I wasn’t dating anyone. Unless I was filling out a form and then I wrote divorced

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  7. Ainsobriety says:

    I just got divorced. I say divorced. It still pretty much defines my mental state right now. And I have my kids full time.

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  8. I say I’m divorced and I never thought anything of it until I read your article. Do I say I’m a divorced mother of two to let you know that yes I am worthy of being a wife ?Do I say it so you don’t get confused as to what I want? Why don’t I just I’m single?

    Like

    • janieleeds says:

      HI Lafieta! What a pretty name you have! 🙂 It’s an interesting debate, don’t you think? I still say I’m divorced if I’m with my kids, but if they’re not around, I’ve begun saying I’m single. It’s weird after being married so many years to not let someone know that I was a wife once and I’m still a mom. So have you decided what you want to say?? 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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