Fighting Thanksgiving

I’m already dreading Thanksgiving.  There, I said it.  I’m not a huge fan of turkey anyway, but now there’s so much wrapped into the holiday that I’m throwing up my hands in surrender.  Here’s the situation….

This year, I have my kids for Thanksgiving and the ex has them on Friday.  Problem is that ex’s narcissistic, manipulative (remember Marie Barone?) mom insists that my kids (and everyone else) have to have a full Thanksgiving meal at her house on Friday.   Not a problem for me.  But my kids aren’t fans of turkey either so now they don’t want a Thanksgiving meal two days in a row.  And nobody will tell ex’s mother the word ‘no’ – not one family member will do it so they’re all having two days of Thanksgiving to keep her quiet!  LOL

My brother’s family invited us for Thanksgiving this year, but my kids don’t want to go there because his wife serves a cold meal every time and their kids fight when we’re there.  Two years ago when my kids were with me for Thanksgiving Day, my brother’s kids had a huge brawl while we were there and my kids were traumatized (as was I).

So, I’m starting a new tradition.  I declined my brother’s invite which didn’t go over well since it’s only us as ‘family’ anymore and instead I’m making a new tradition.  I got an artificial Christmas tree and I’m making steak for dinner instead of turkey.  My plan is to have a day at home the three of us (kids and me) and set up the tree and decorate for Christmas.  I know it’s Thanksgiving, but I’m changing it up.  Now my kids don’t have to eat turkey two days in a row and we get to hang out together.  (I’m just hoping the artificial tree is good as we’ve only ever had real trees and they aren’t happy about the fake tree.  But getting a real tree now is too early.)

The other reason I want to decorate the tree on Thanksgiving is because I heard that the ex’s mom wants my kids to stop by her house on Thanksgiving night to get all her Christmas decorations out of the attic for her.  Why she can’t ask her own son or husband is beyond me.  It’s just another manipulation.  The day after Thanksgiving her tradition was to make all the grandkids decorate her tree which put a damper on our tree decorating which didn’t usually happen until the first week in December.  That woman has been a pain in my life for a long time and I’m done.  The power is back with me where it belongs.

However, it’s hard on my kids.  They’re stuck in the middle and it makes our relationship tenuous at times because ex’s family (mom) is so demanding and my kids feel obligated.  Ex’s family has more money than I do and they dangle it in front of the kids as bribes.  And of course, my kids like the extra cash.

What’s a mom to do?

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8 Responses to Fighting Thanksgiving

  1. Paula Light says:

    Ughhh what a pain! I think that starting new traditions is a great idea though. Now your kids can secretly look forward to a yummy steak dinner on turkey day. Fun for them! (I’m not a turkey fan either.)


  2. Dwight Hyde says:

    I love your plan! You do what you have to do and if it works for you and your kids that’s all that matters. I’ve done the same sort of thing. We make new traditions after life knocks us down and we don’t give a FRICK if others don’t get it! You have all my support and love🤗


    • janieleeds says:

      Dwight thank you! Your message made me smile…I’m still working on the don’t give a frick, but I’m progressing…slowly…glad you understand because you’ve done the same. Hope your holidays are wonderful! 🙂 You’ve got all my support and love too!


  3. Mischenko says:

    I’m so sorry you’re still having to deal with holiday drama, Janie. I think your idea for Thanksgiving sounds excellent for all of you. Sometimes outside family just doesn’t work for the holidays. It’s sad, but it’s just the way it is. We always reserve the actual holidays days for home and I couldn’t be happier. Wishing you happy and stress-free holidays, friend. Hope the kids will won’t be stressed either. ♥️♥️♥️ P.S. I just refollowed you. 😉


    • janieleeds says:

      Thank you Mischenko – for refollowing, for your kindness and your support! I hope the kids won’t be stressed is my number one concern. 🙂 I hope you have a wonderful holiday season. I like the idea of being home. Home is where the heart is. ♥♥♥


  4. TJ Fox says:

    Starting new traditions that create a new reality for you and your kids is a wonderful idea. I’ve seen how holiday traditions are forced to change as families change over the years and all the stress and angst that brings because people are so tied into the “tradition” they forget that what is most important are the people involved. It nearly made me hate the holidays one of the last years I spoke to my family because it all got so ugly. When holidays become more stress than joy, it is way past time to make a change. So glad you are doing this for you and your kids!

    Oh and… I LOVE my artificial trees. Sure, there are downsides, but the pluses more than make up for it. One of those is that you can have it up so much longer and get to enjoy that warm atmosphere for longer. I also really like the fact that I’m not killing a tree every year, it isn’t a major fire hazard, and I don’t have to figure out what to do with it at the end of the season. I also remember having those needles stabbing me in the foot because they got caught in the carpet growing up. I will NEVER miss that part of having a real tree. I’ve had my same tree for over 20 years and it still looks amazing. The one Hubby had when we got together is about that old and is also still going, so you know they can last for a really long time.


    • janieleeds says:

      I am so glad to hear that they last a long time! I have to go buy those balsam icicles to hang on the tree so it smells like a tree (if I can find them). I will miss the natural look, but I am hoping that this one feels as real as an artificial tree can. And yes, the fire hazard and the watering of it every day and the worry when it stops drinking the water. I won’t miss that aspect for sure. Thanks TJ!


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