Do I Stay Home Or Do I Go?

I wrote this yesterday and at the end, will give the follow up…Have you ever felt this way?

It’s Saturday during Christmas season.  I have been invited to a party with a friend and her husband (as a third wheel, but kindly invited).  I won’t know anyone at the party, but I am to meet my friend and her husband there.  My friend is really kind and she said she’d wait for me so we can go into the party together which is thoughtful.

But do I stay home or do I go?

I have a new fair isle sweater which is festive but casual, which is appropriate for the party.  But do I feel like it?  I am not sure.  It’s hard when you’re going in cold, but then again, perhaps I’ll meet some nice people and I’ll get to spend some time with my friend and her husband.

It’s times like these that I miss being married and going places with a partner.  I don’t mind going out for dinner with girlfriends.  I don’t normally get invited out to dinner with other couples because it’s awkward, for them and for me I guess.  So my social life is not really active.

I know that I should probably go and make the effort.  I’m sure you’re thinking, Hey, you never know who you might meet or who will say that they know a nice man…and blah blah blah…believe me.  I’ve been thinking that too, but gosh, I’ve been thinking that every time I go someplace out of my comfort zone and nothing happens.

Take a chance my brain said.  You don’t have anything else scheduled so go, my heart insisted. So I did…because I still have hope.

I pulled out all the stops, even shaving my legs though there was no need because I was wearing velvet pants.  I put on my makeup with care, styled my hair and put on a blouse instead of the sweater because it was a warmish night.  And I went.

Was it spectacular?  No.  Was it nice?  Yes.  Was I wishing after 2 hours that I could go home because I was bored?  Yes.  Lucky for me, my friend and her husband had to get home early so I wasn’t there late which was good.

Would I do it again?  No.  Am I glad I went?  Yes.

And so it continues…the holidays can be a festive time, but also a lonely one.  How are you doing these days?

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15 Responses to Do I Stay Home Or Do I Go?

  1. I usually ask myself: what’s the worst thing that can happen if I go or don’t go? At least you are not second-guessing yourself. Hopefully, it gets easier and the next time is better.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Paula Light says:

    I am going to things. Not that fun at some points… and I do like staying home. But I want to be a good friend to people who have been good to me, and this is how to stay connected. Maybe I’ll meet someone new, who knows. I know people who have given up and stay home moping… not a good look.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Elaine says:

    One of my best friends was single when I was single but she never wanted to go on the dating site I was on because she said she wasn’t ready, one day. She said she was ready I took her photograph and helped her write her profile and the second man she met they fell for each other, that was five years ago and they are buying a house together. You will know when your ready, trust your gut Janie because until you are truly open to it you wont attract right man ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dwight Hyde says:

    It’s a mind “frick” for sure! The yes’s and no’s bouncing through my thoughts is draining. The getting out of the house and into the car and saying here I try again over and over. Each yes though for me gives a bit more confidence and I don’t beat the shit out of myself for not going. Beyond doing this alone, I’ve added doing it all sober. Huge for me. I was a bit down last night thinking I was heading down the rabbit hole of depression. I woke this more realizing it wasn’t depression but instead it’s anxiety doing this social scene completely sober. Haven’t done that in 40 years. I realize I have a window where I’m fine and then I must leave. Hopefully this window will get longer. The older I get the more I understand everything I want I must go after it knowing it’s going to take work and will be uncomfortable in the beginning as I fumble forward. I still might buy some pixie dust and toss it up in the air as I leave my house. Hell it couldn’t hurt, right? Sending hugs to you Janie🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      I love the idea of pixie dust Dwight! That made me smile and now I think I’ll have to go out and get myself some too! 🙂 You’re doing a great job especially with the added sober part and the control that it requires! I’m glad you’re not going down the rabbit hole. You keep to your comfortable window and ease into it…and I do think that the time window will get longer with ‘practice’ because it’s all about the practice of doing it over and over again until it doesn’t feel so anxiety-ridden or we get panicky over the idea of getting out of our comfort zone. Sending hugs back to you Dwight!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Ainsobriety says:

    I always drive myself. I can’t stand being stuck places, and I don’t drink, so it’s not an issue.

    I’d say I’m mostly saying no this year. Newly divorced, not really interested. I try to meet someone for coffee every week. And I go to work, yoga, etc. Just not very party ish.

    It’s also cold here, -40 cold. It’s hard to go out at night!


    Liked by 2 people

    • janieleeds says:

      Anne, with that weather at night, it would have to be a guaranteed fun night for me to venture out! LOL I get it! And newly divorced, I completely understand. Relax and enjoy being home and cozy and warm…and happy! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Yeah single here as well and keep saying how will you ever meet someone if you don’t blah blah blah and I push myself every so often. I’m like Anne though and always take my own car and if I start to feel like the third wheel or my anxiety starting to rise I’m out of there. I am always proud of myself for pushing myself to do it each time and I have had some really lovely times out of it but I tend to always have an escape plan for an early exit. xox


    • janieleeds says:

      I always keep an escape plan in place and I do drive myself as well. It makes it easier to leave when you want which gives me peace of mind. I’m happy you’re pushing yourself to do it and that you’ve had lovely times! Keep up the great work! xo


  7. Create Space says:

    Even though I’m part of a couple I can still empathise Janie, it’s normal to feel it’s easier to stay home from some events but it’s important to keep socialising as best we can.


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