Online Dating Statuses

There’s an influx of incredible proportions of ‘currently separated’ or ‘never married’ that have been reaching out to me.  It’s really weird because I’m not interested in anyone who isn’t fully divorced so that’s a no for me dog. (LOL)  As for the never married, I don’t have any problems with that, but I am wary.  I think there’s a comfort in dating someone who’s a widower or divorced because you’d think they know what marriage or a LTR (long term relationship) is about more than someone else who’s not had that experience. Then again, maybe I’m naive, but I will give anyone a chance except someone who is ‘currently separated’ even though I like the honesty.  But ‘currently separated’ to me feels like you’re looking for a little action before you finish the marriage because you don’t want to be alone.

It’s like Starbucks guy who’s hell bent on telling the world that he’s divorced even though it’s not official because he hasn’t gone in front of the judge to have it signed.  I’m sorry.  I’m a stickler on that because you’re still married.  And you haven’t even begun to heal after your divorce. You’re just onto the next woman in your life without mending your broken heart (because in our date/therapy session, he talked about how broken-hearted he was).  And I may sound mean, but you know that’s not my nature because I sat for two hours with him because I understand.  I’ve been broken-hearted too.  But I didn’t go running out to try to hook up with someone else before I got myself at least a little bit back together.

Am I wrong in the way I’m thinking?  I don’t mind helping as a friend, but I am steering clear of fixing broken-hearted men only to be the transition woman who sets them back to rights for the next girl.

If you’re online dating, have you noticed this as well?  What are your personal red flags in an online profile?




This entry was posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50, love and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to Online Dating Statuses

  1. TJ Fox says:

    That was a major no for me as well. There is just too much unresolved there and too much potential drama that I want no part in. That said, I’m sure there are some that may have extenuating circumstances, but… again, the drama. The lady that does my hair spent nearly 2 years trying to get divorced from her ex, but he spent that entire time being a major douche to her and their kids and forced it to drag out. That relationship was over a long time before it ever became legal, so her dating in that situation really wasn’t as huge of a deal, but kudos to the guy for helping her through all the BS. I would not have wanted to get tossed into the middle of all that.

    My red flags were mostly centered around the fact that I had a 2 year old at the time, so what I was looking for then would have been very different than what would be important to me today. I did learn that giving any of those potential issues a pass because there were other things I liked about a person really wasn’t a good idea.


    • janieleeds says:

      Thanks for your input TJ! I am glad you found him though! I keep thinking that someday, someway, if it’s meant to be, I will find him too. Or better yet, he’ll find me. 🙂 I shy away from getting in the middle of that type of stuff too. While I get it and understand, I don’t want more drama.

      I don’t need it nor want it! 🙂 I’ve got enough of my own. LOL

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Paula Light says:

    I had the same rule. And here’s why I think it’s a mistake. After 5 years of dating liars and weirdos, I gave up (3 years ago) and quit it all. Now I think about my rule… there were men going through divorce I would not consider. These were NORMAL men, not liars, not weirdos, just lonely men who wanted some comfort and companionship during a difficult time. I turned my nose up at them because I was fully single. So instead I met fully single men who were only looking for hookups or “poly” relationships. I wish I had been more understanding.

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      Paula, you’re shedding some interesting light on the situation. I glimpsed that thought myself as I wrote it, but felt strongly that I didn’t want to enter any thought of a relationship when it wasn’t done for him. Interesting though…thanks for sharing. I think you may be onto something…any chance you’d try to date again? Just wondering…


  3. Elaine says:

    I’ve got to agree with Paula 😉


  4. Elaine says:

    You know me too well 😉 I met up with divorced men and separated men, they’re both human, some good some bad.


  5. I’m not online dating and may never do that, but the two “dates” I’ve had made me realize that solitude is a gift to be appreciated. As much as I LOVED being a wife and being married, it’s not time for me to get out there and date. The first guy was a friend I’ve known for about 30 years-never married, no kids, no grandkids, and didn’t connect with my stories or my life. NOPE. The second guy – retired attorney that I had worked on a couple of local civic projects with– thought I was his soulmate. BUT I found out that he’s married although his wife has Alzheimers and is on life support. ABSOLUTELY no. I can’t even believe he told me he’s been on dating sites too. Can’t he wait? I was kind of disgusted. I won’t participate in that scenario at all. He has kids and grandkids but didn’t seem to have a strong connection to them even though they live close. Back to being solo. And happy.


    • janieleeds says:

      Solo and happy works for you so let it continue! I feel for the lawyer whose wife has alzheimer’s as that must be hard for him. You need a man who connects with others and who will be a good fit in your life and your close family life as well. Relax and just enjoy your quiet healing time. If he’s meant to be, he’ll be coming soon enough. xo

      Liked by 1 person

  6. LA says:

    You have to go with your instinct is telling you. If you don’t like the thought of someone not divorced, then go with that. You don’t want to start to like a guy who ends up going back to his wife, or being a rebound fling. I get it


  7. Ainsobriety says:

    I have only been divorced for about 6 weeks, so I am not looking to date.

    I would seriously question recently separated. My ex was dating almost immediately after we separated, which was a huge shock as he got caught cheating. He told me he was lonely by himself.

    He go one of a line of gfs pregnant almost immediately and is having a baby soon. He is totally screwed up and I feel sorry for them all.

    I’d want to understand what custody/financial arrangement a separated man might have. I also don’t think I would ever date anyone with young kids. I’m so done with that.

    I plan to become a old single with any cats…



    • janieleeds says:

      Anne, your cats are awesome companions! Six weeks is not a long time at all so I hope you’re doing ok. It’s not easy to transition usually. I’m here if you need a friend.
      It seems most of the men have a hard time being alone and cite being lonely for dating immediately or soon thereafter. I guess I needed time to heal before I could hop into a new relationship.
      I’m sorry to hear about your ex and the pregnancy. I feel sorry for all of them too.


      • Ainsobriety says:

        We have been separated for a year, so I’m good.
        The actual divorce was quite simple.

        It’s weird being ms instead of mrs after 20 years.


      • janieleeds says:

        I know how weird it feels as well. I was Mrs. for over 20 years when we divorced and never really liked the Ms. moniker, but now I do. It’s a transition…my kids’ friends still call me Mrs. Old habits die hard and it doesn’t matter really. It’s just a title…

        Liked by 1 person

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