Divorced Mom Gratitude During Coronavirus

I am divorced for a couple of years now and I have primary custody of my kids for which I’m grateful.  While I never wanted the divorce, I appreciate all the good that has come out of it even though when I was in the midst of the heartbreak, I couldn’t see it.  Time heals all wounds they say.  I guess enough time has passed because I’m thankful for what I’ve learned about myself.

I awoke this morning thinking about how hard it must be for my kids’ Dad (my ex) since he’s far away.  Even though we are exes, my compassionate nature for what good we had when the relationship was good still remains intact.  I’ve reminded the kids that they can face-time their Dad who lives in another state, but unfortunately, he doesn’t always answer.  In fact, he’s really non-communicative so I think it’s sad that he’s choosing to miss out on our sons.  But there’s nothing I can do about it.  I just know I’d be calling them everyday if they weren’t living with me.  But then that’s me.  And he’s him.  And that was only the tip of the iceberg of why we broke up.

I remember the first morning years ago after my ex left our home.  I woke up, got the kids off to school (they were younger) and poured myself a cup of coffee.  I sat down on the sofa and the strangest thing happened to me!  I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from the house and from me.  I could breathe!  Breathe freely in my own space!  It was a mind-blowing moment for me because I hadn’t realized how the weight of his telling me, “I don’t want to do this anymore” had suppressed me.

And so, during this stay home quarantine time of the Coronavirus, I’m grateful that I am not cooped up with an angry, non-communicative man.  There’s been a lot of self-introspection to get to where I am and having to embrace life’s changes, but what’s come out of it has been a blessing!

I can’t imagine the domestic situations where the couple isn’t getting along especially nowadays.  I actually pray for those who are having difficulties during this time because for the few months that he stayed in our home after he told me he was leaving were brutal for me.  They were so very hard.  But no more…

For those who are divorced and you can’t see your kids because they don’t live with you or the swapping has ceased because of the restrictions, you are in my thoughts.  Stay in touch with your kids please.  They need you and you need them.  Who knows how long the restrictions will go on for or what else is in store for any of us, but please stay in touch.  I know that my kids are older, but they miss their Dad and they are very sad when he doesn’t answer or communicate with them.  Because they love him and they need him in their lives.  It’s just too bad that he doesn’t meet them even halfway because their efforts are decreasing.  His silence speaks volumes to them in sad ways.

And before you ask, he’s not working nor is he depressed so there’s nothing to keep him from talking with them.  This is not something new by the way.  It’s been like this for years.  It’s just getting to that point where the kids are tired of feeling this way and they’re pulling away from him little by little even though they want a relationship with him.  And yes, they’ve talked with him about it.  They’ve told his family as well, but it doesn’t seem to make any difference.

If you share custody of your kids with your ex, please make it as easy as possible for the kids’ sake.  And if you can’t see them because of the restrictions, stay in touch with them.  They worry about you.  They need you in their lives.  That’s what mine say about their Dad so I thought I’d pass it along to you.

Well, this post started out as one thing and ended another.  I guess that happens sometimes.  Anyway, I hope you’re all doing ok.  I’m just checking in with you.

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14 Responses to Divorced Mom Gratitude During Coronavirus

  1. petespringerauthor says:

    As someone who taught a lot of kids in this situation, both parents need to stay in contact with their children. Even if the child isn’t talking about it, I can assure you it is on his/her mind. Sometimes my elementary kids would start crying from what seemed like out of the blue. When I’d ask them what was wrong, the answer was usually, “I miss my mom, or I miss my dad.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      This happens here as well even though they are college-aged. It’s a sad position for them to be in. I allow them to talk about it and work through it with me, with each other (meaning the siblings) and now with therapist so that they can heal.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Didi says:

    You are truly an inspiration🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What a thoughtful and introspective post. I have gone through a divorce, my decision, before meeting my Son’s Father, and can relate to the weight being lifted off your shoulders. You’ve come a long way and should be proud of who you are because of this.

    I have divorced friends in similar situations with an inattentive Father. That’s so sad, especially in these times. Children need both parents. I know the challenges my Son has faced since losing his Father, but to know your Father is out there, just not responding is heartbreaking. It’s good your Boys talk to you and tell their Dad how they feel. Even if he doesn’t respond, they’ve spoken their mind.

    The most important thing though is they have a Mom who’s always there for them, no matter how old.

    Like

    • janieleeds says:

      Thank you so much Mariann. I am glad you are in a good place after your divorce and I’m sorry about your son’s loss of his Dad.
      I try very hard to be there for my kids. At first I was trying to be Dad and Mom but now I am just Mom and I have found ways for them to have positive male role models in their lives (their therapist) and other relatives. So it’s good.
      I hope you’re doing well and are healthy!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I can relate to the trying to be Mom and Dad. Benn there, done that. As you note being there for them is the key. When my Son was 8 I was able to get him a Big Brother through the Big Brother Big Sisters organization and he became the saving grace my Son needed. They are still friends to this day and he and his wife have become part of the extended family.

        My Son and I doing well. Trying to avoid too much news and enjoy our time together. Hope the same goes for you and your sons too.

        Like

      • janieleeds says:

        I’m glad you found the Big Brother/Sister program. How wonderful that you can count them as your extended family! That’s heartwarming!
        We are doing well here. Thank you! So glad you and your son are too! Not really watching the news but staying home safe and sound. Stay healthy and happy!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I so relate to the weight being lifted off your shoulders – it is how I felt when I finally left my ex-husband and got my own place – pure peace and freedom. My kids are adults now so not having to go through the issue you are but I feel for you and them. Great post!

    Like

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