I am divorced for a couple of years now and I have primary custody of my kids for which I’m grateful. While I never wanted the divorce, I appreciate all the good that has come out of it even though when I was in the midst of the heartbreak, I couldn’t see it. Time heals all wounds they say. I guess enough time has passed because I’m thankful for what I’ve learned about myself.
I awoke this morning thinking about how hard it must be for my kids’ Dad (my ex) since he’s far away. Even though we are exes, my compassionate nature for what good we had when the relationship was good still remains intact. I’ve reminded the kids that they can face-time their Dad who lives in another state, but unfortunately, he doesn’t always answer. In fact, he’s really non-communicative so I think it’s sad that he’s choosing to miss out on our sons. But there’s nothing I can do about it. I just know I’d be calling them everyday if they weren’t living with me. But then that’s me. And he’s him. And that was only the tip of the iceberg of why we broke up.
I remember the first morning years ago after my ex left our home. I woke up, got the kids off to school (they were younger) and poured myself a cup of coffee. I sat down on the sofa and the strangest thing happened to me! I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from the house and from me. I could breathe! Breathe freely in my own space! It was a mind-blowing moment for me because I hadn’t realized how the weight of his telling me, “I don’t want to do this anymore” had suppressed me.
And so, during this stay home quarantine time of the Coronavirus, I’m grateful that I am not cooped up with an angry, non-communicative man. There’s been a lot of self-introspection to get to where I am and having to embrace life’s changes, but what’s come out of it has been a blessing!
I can’t imagine the domestic situations where the couple isn’t getting along especially nowadays. I actually pray for those who are having difficulties during this time because for the few months that he stayed in our home after he told me he was leaving were brutal for me. They were so very hard. But no more…
For those who are divorced and you can’t see your kids because they don’t live with you or the swapping has ceased because of the restrictions, you are in my thoughts. Stay in touch with your kids please. They need you and you need them. Who knows how long the restrictions will go on for or what else is in store for any of us, but please stay in touch. I know that my kids are older, but they miss their Dad and they are very sad when he doesn’t answer or communicate with them. Because they love him and they need him in their lives. It’s just too bad that he doesn’t meet them even halfway because their efforts are decreasing. His silence speaks volumes to them in sad ways.
And before you ask, he’s not working nor is he depressed so there’s nothing to keep him from talking with them. This is not something new by the way. It’s been like this for years. It’s just getting to that point where the kids are tired of feeling this way and they’re pulling away from him little by little even though they want a relationship with him. And yes, they’ve talked with him about it. They’ve told his family as well, but it doesn’t seem to make any difference.
If you share custody of your kids with your ex, please make it as easy as possible for the kids’ sake. And if you can’t see them because of the restrictions, stay in touch with them. They worry about you. They need you in their lives. That’s what mine say about their Dad so I thought I’d pass it along to you.
Well, this post started out as one thing and ended another. I guess that happens sometimes. Anyway, I hope you’re all doing ok. I’m just checking in with you.