See Yourself

The time you spend trying to be good enough in someone else’s eyes:  you don’t get that back, and no one else can measure your worth other than you.  So stop wasting time trying to prove yourself to anyone who is committed to not seeing you for who you are.  Open you eyes.  See yourself.  Please.  See yourself.

Quote by:  Stephanie Bennett-Henry

I found this quote the other day and it spoke to me.  Because I had only seen myself as less than through the eyes of those who chose to put me down AND whom I allowed to put me down.  Worse than that, I believed them.

Until now…and as my thoughts are unfolding and there’s no place to hide because we’re all home bound, there’s a struggle within me.  Often I viewed what happened to me as a downfall of my unworthiness in my ex’s eyes.  Later in hindsight, I found his choice to leave as freedom from the ties that bound me.  But still, as a castaway in my own life, I didn’t know how to swim and to stay afloat without panicking.  So I seesawed my way through those tender years after he left – depression, anger (towards him and sometimes towards myself), apathy, numbness, seeking answers in spirituality, researching, trying  to forgive, beating myself up, putting the ex down, and all sorts of twists and turns until I thought I had found my center.

Observer-mode of looking at the big picture, writing down the pros and cons and choosing (and I mean CHOOSING) to go onward with my life because sitting in the proverbial stagnant seesawing wasn’t getting me healed.  And that takes courage to choose to not stay in that place and allow the pain to swarm us everyday.  And it’s hard.  It takes a village of friends who have helped immensely with their wisdom from their own experiences.  But it also takes me laying my life and self bare to see myself.  To see me for who I am.

See yourself for who you are – all the goodness and all the maybe not so good.  Be honest with your good parts and your flaws, but don’t exaggerate them.  This is not about your ego.  It’s about truth.  It’s about authenticity.  It’s about being all of you in your special form.

List the attributes and accept the pros and cons of each.  Get the whole picture of you and find your comfort in accepting you for who you are.  Because that’s where you start when there’s confusion.  Center yourself.  Ground yourself.

This is the time to do it while we’re all home.  And when it feels like it’s too much, write to me.  I’m here for you on this path too.  Sharing is helping each other to grow.  Don’t you think?



This entry was posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50 and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to See Yourself

  1. Thank you so much for sharing this. When I read the quote and your thoughts, the first thing I thought was ‘if this is going to resonate with someone, it also means feeling the pain and regret for the time and effort lost trying to meet someone else’s standards’. At the same time, this is an essential part of growth. To me embracing authenticity is the key and this is what helps me stay centered. Self-acceptance brings peace to one’s soul.


  2. I relate to this very much. Been through so many lessons about seeing my value through other’s eyes but there’s evidence I’m finally getting it. Though I may be initially hurt about how a person treats me or thinks about me, I am able to move on from it a lot easier than I used to be able to. I think things will get better as time goes by because we will begin attracting people that are more like us because we are being authentic.


  3. petespringerauthor says:

    Self-esteem is built into everything we do. I think your journey is probably similar to many others who have gone through something challenging like you’ve been through, Janie. Your blog is going to connect with many other people who are experiencing similar feelings.


    • janieleeds says:

      My hope is that we all connect since similar situations can help each other to heal. That’s why I write from the heart. Thank you for being so kind Pete. Hope all is well with you.

      Liked by 1 person

      • petespringerauthor says:

        Pretty down the last few days. In the middle of all of this social distancing, we had to put our dog, Jake, down on Friday. God, I loved that dog! He gave us nine wonderful years. Lots of tears shed the past few days, and our remaining lab, Lulu, is missing her brother too.


      • janieleeds says:

        I’m so sorry to hear this sad news Pete. In the midst of trying times to have to lose Jake is heartbreaking. I’m sending a hug to you and your family.


  4. Create Space says:

    Learning to love ourselves and others unconditionally is a constant work in progress Janie and you are a role model, helping others as you go! Having this lockdown time is an unexpected opportunity within a challenge. Xx


  5. Being open and honest with oneself is never easy. It takes a lot of work and it’s most certainly a journey. I commend you for being willing to open up in hopes of helping others. That takes courage.


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