It’s coming. The light that exposes the truth. But it’s a slow process and while I’ve been infinitely patient, my temperament hasn’t been cooperating. I’m a bit short-tempered on the inside, but outside, I’m still able to hold it together for the sake of my kids. Because they’re most certainly not the problem. The lying narcissist ex-husband (their father) is.
The kids are in a precarious position which I understand. They know their dad lies and they know about many of the lies because he’s unaware that public knowledge is just that, public knowledge, and the sleuth that I have had to become in order to untangle the barrage of lies he’s been hiding behind has uncovered information that I wasn’t aware of at all. Kudos to me.
If you’re thinking that the facts don’t add up, don’t be foolish like I was and try to take the higher road and believe that he couldn’t be that bad just because you were married for decades. Trust me. Once the darkness overcomes the once loving husband you thought you had, you’ve got to step it up and stop thinking that he’s the exception to the rule. If you need to make it positive, then think to yourself, I want to prove that he’s not like the typical lying narcissist and begin your research. At least that’s what I started out doing until the overwhelming facts told me otherwise – that he was absolutely, without any doubt, lying about everything.
It messes with your head and heart when the facts speak loudly because all I ever wanted to believe was that he was different. I made excuse after excuse for his behavior and exaggerations because his ego was wounded and I longed to continue to see the good side in him, even after we divorced. But that only allowed me to be blind to the truth that was sitting in front of me. And I know of many other women who’ve learned this the hard way like me.
My point is for you to not have to experience what I have.
Sleuthing requires that you put on your thinking cap and get a global bird’s eye view of the present situation. The internet is an amazing device for sleuthing and research. Your gut is your guide. If something doesn’t sound right, then look it up! Just be aware that like me, you may find more than you bargained for, but the truth will set you free from the bonds of thinking, but he was my husband, he wouldn’t do that, I knew him and put you on the path of truth.
Because people lie and facts are truth.
It hurts when you realize that he’s lying. It hurts when he takes a fraction of a kernel of truth and blatantly twists it to his advantage by layering it with a tangled mess of word salad that has nothing to do with the subject. Beware of the pity party and the blame game. When a narcissist realizes that you may be onto the truth, his enforcement of throwing out details which have nothing to do with the subject in question rises to incredible degrees. Your job is to remain calm and not take any of the poison arrow slings that he’s sending to heart. Stay on the subject. Keep to the original question/issue and throw out all the sticky mess he’s adding. Stick to the facts only because even though he’ll vehemently deny the facts and make up incredible stories that have nothing to do with the facts, facts are facts and in a court of law, facts rule. Emotional outbursts and pity parties do not. But we can get caught up in that cesspool mirage because we’re trying to defend ourselves from his poison arrows and the blame game. But the blame is on his lies, not on you. You just need to stay clean and clear of what the issue is and stick to it.
There’s no fighting with a narcissist. Don’t even try because their innate ability for tapping into their source of instant erroneous information, creativity and manipulation will outsource any of your feeble tries. They’re masters of it and if you’re like me, you’re not one who is able to lie or remain with a poker face. But they can. The only way you can stay sane and succeed is to stick to the facts and let the narcissist baloney fall to the wayside. Because if you get caught up in the hurt of what he’s saying to blame you, or you get caught up in proving his lies are lies, you will go down another path and not stick to the situation at hand. And that’s what he wants you to do. Get caught up in the web of lies and off the scent of the matter at hand. And lose your cool because you’re frustrated.
How do I know this?
Personal experience. Trial and error. Research.
Your gut is your guide to freedom. There’s no harm in researching or sleuthing. In fact, it is helpful to either put your mind at ease because you didn’t find the lies or know what you need to solidify that there’s more to uncover because you’ve found the tip of the lying iceberg. Don’t do anything illegal in your research because then it can’t be counted in a court of law. You want to be a pillar of truth. A light in the darkness that shines to expose the mucky lies. You have to stay clean in order to succeed and you can do this. Don’t sink into the darkness. Be the light of truth.