True Story – I’m sitting here waiting for my elder son to come home this morning. I am trying to stay in a place of peace, but underneath I’m buzzing with so many emotions. Anger, resentment, fear, grief, and uncertainty lurk in the dark recesses of my thoughts. I thought that perhaps I would write in order to clarify the situation to myself and if you find yourself inclined, please let me know how you would deal with this situation. I will try to give the facts only, although I’m sure some of my feelings will be peppered in now and again.
We are in a quarantine and stay at home with the exception of essential workers. Curfew from 8pm – 5am remains in effect as it has since March. I have been uber careful to make sure that we are not bringing any of the germs from the outside in so that none of us get the virus. Limited trips to the store has been my motto as well as wiping down everything. The kids have been good about staying home even though we are all getting antsy here. But the law states no gatherings, 6 feet social distancing and masks required. It’s probably the same where you live.
I take our health seriously since I have known more than 6 families who have lost loved ones to the virus. The deceased were of all different ages, young and old, and most of them were in good health without any problems before they got it. So, somehow they were exposed to it and passed away because of it.
My son’s girlfriend graduated recently from college and has been working as a nursing student on a Covid floor of the hospital. While she hadn’t worked the last week of exams, and they hadn’t seen each other in about 1.5 months, they are in constant contact via FaceTime etc. She has been crying because he hasn’t seen her and friends of theirs in the same position have been getting together anyway. But because I wouldn’t allow them to get together because of her job, he’s been respectfully home. And I appreciated it.
However, the girlfriend’s mom asked my son to go to her daughter’s graduation party at their home. When my son asked me if he could go, I cited the law and gently explained that while I understood that they missed each other and I’m not so old as to have forgotten young love, the law is the law and when gatherings are allowed, then yes he could go, but not before. But the mom of the daughter pressed him that her daughter was crying all the time and missed him. He told me that he was on the fence about it until the girlfriend was crying so much and he missed her too, so he was going.
Obviously, I was against it. I said my piece, hugged and kissed him goodbye and let him know that when he returned to our home, he would been quarantined as he would have been with her and her family. As he was leaving, he casually told me that her mom had asked him to stay for dinner and he was going to do that too. I asked him to not do that considering the party began at noon, but he told me that his girlfriend would be working full time in 2 weeks and then he wouldn’t be able to see her at all, so this was his only chance. And my heart was sad for him so I nodded that I understood.
Fast forward to 8pm last night when I texted if he had forgotten we are under curfew. He responded that the curfew had been lifted, but it hadn’t because I had researched and told him that. Finally he called at 8:45pm telling me that her parents just told him that there’s a 9pm curfew and he’s suddenly concerned that he’ll get pulled over for being out and not being an essential worker. In addition, he’s so tired that they’ve offered to let him sleep over in their guest room on a blow up mattress.
I’ve been played. I knew it. I told him that I wouldn’t approve it, nor tell him it was ok, but that there wasn’t anything I could do about it now. I told him I loved him, but I didn’t like the position that he nor her family put us in. He told me it wasn’t his fault. I asked whose fault it was, but he had no response. Because it was his. But who wants to get into a huge argument with their kid and drive him away and into the arms of those people. So I stayed quiet. I bit my tongue, and got off the phone.
Here I sit waiting for him to return. Have you had any similar experience? Any sage advice to give?