Parenting can be difficult on any given day. Add to it that the ex (the kids’ father) doesn’t communicate nor parent at all, yet has a righteous attitude and Monday morning quarterbacks is stressful. So while I am a single parent and would be fine with making all decisions on my own, my hands are sometimes tied because of the ex. It’s a strange dynamic that I am probably not explaining well, but it is and while I have worked hard to release myself from his narcissistic rage, it still pops into my life without warning. But this isn’t about him.
It’s about how my son and I weathered the quarantine graduation party (yesterday’s post click here).
My son returned in the early afternoon. I was cool, but calm. I told him to immediately take a shower and then I proceeded to disinfect all the doors etc. that he had touched coming into the house. He was tentative because he wasn’t sure how I’d react. But I had decided that I would be calm in working together through a problem because that’s key. I refuse to be stigmatized as the hysterical mom and drive a wedge between us. That’s not how I usually roll. Even though that was how my post sounded yesterday. LOL. Yes, I am aware.
He showered, put his clothes in the wash and went back to his room where I had told him he’d be quarantined. He came down later and wanted to talk with me. I had been planning to talk with him, but was giving us each space in which to acclimate his return. So when he was ready, so was I. And while I won’t bore you with all the details, I will tell you that we talked through the issue now that it was all done. The take away for him I think was that he needed to give me more information which would have made it better for us all and I needed to not jump to conclusions. Lessons learned hopefully. Hurdle jumped successfully and time will tell if we were exposed to the virus by him.
According to him: It was he who dissuaded the mother from talking with me because he thought he could handle it. And the mother is even more of a germaphobe than I am, because he was citing all the precautionary measures and disinfecting she was doing. (I know, it could have been all talk on his part) The party only had the girlfriend’s family and her best friend and my kid there. They remained outside most of the day. The gf’s best friend and my son bonded over the fact that neither had gone anywhere except to the party that day, so he realized that it wasn’t just me being controlling. He told the gf and her family that I was not in favor of his going.
I gently probed with questions about the family as I haven’t met any of them. I’ve heard about them, and the girlfriend has been to my home many, many times. What I learned because he began to open up, is that life is very different over there. I shut my mouth and listened to how he described each of them and the interactions, the party and the dynamics between them all (and him). It was eye-opening because while I had surmised a bit of it, he told me a lot more that I didn’t know. And when I asked him how he dealt with it, we had a good connection of understanding.
He is following my rules which are strict. He hasn’t given me any flak about the rules, the cleaning, etc. Although it bothers me because I’m a hugger, I won’t go near him. And while I will pray he wasn’t exposed to the virus at that party, I can’t be sure so I won’t take the chance. But at least I know (because yes, I asked), there won’t be a little Covinia birthed 9 months from now as a result of attending the gf’s graduation party. Whew. LOL