Don’t let the title fool you. Although I’m happy that it’s the 4th of July, I want to talk about your Independence Day. Your personal Independence Day. The day you finally realized that THIS IS YOUR LIFE TO LIVE HOW YOU CHOOSE!
Have you had that a-ha moment yet? Do you remember it? If you feel like sharing it, please do! I’d love to hear about it. And if you haven’t yet felt that authentic – This is me and I’m good with being who I am – moment, then let’s get you there!
As kids we are in a family situation and either given or we choose a role in order to keep the family dynamic. I was ‘trained’ to be the responsible one, the fixer and the peace keeper. I didn’t know any better and that belief was firmly etched into my brain, my personality and the way I did everything. While I did rebel a little (behind the scenes, not openly), my role was firmly planted and I have continued in that vein of being my whole life.
And while I feel comfortable in that role, it is a burden which I carry and sometimes resent if I’m being honest. So I’ve been letting go of it in bits and pieces with my family. It hasn’t been easy for once you’re pegged as the one to do it all, nobody likes it when you change up the game and upset the rules. But it’s necessary and it takes courage.
I’m still on that journey, but I’ve taken the first steps which were the hardest. Being divorced helped that Independence Day come faster and in more uncomfortable ways, but I’m grateful now. All that I knew was swept away and the residual beliefs have been breaking off in chunks over time, leaving me to find myself – Authentically Janie.
I’m still learning about me and gaining confidence to move out of my comfort zone and to not be afraid of failure. As a child, perfection was the standard and failure was not tolerated so I didn’t try anything that I didn’t foresee as a sure thing. It kept me small and hidden. Granted it was my choice, but it never felt like there was any other choice in my path that wouldn’t have had me in trouble with my family. So yes, I had the Good Girl Syndrome and a touch of co-dependence.
But I don’t have to suck it up anymore and be anyone’s perfection except my own. And I now enjoy my perfectly imperfect life. I am more willing to try than not now. While the fear of failure still lurks, it’s not as prevalent. Not having to answer to the ex and his family has released me in ways I couldn’t have ever imagined embracing and, yes, I do embrace the freedom to be me!
Do you recall your personal Independence Day? That realization that you only answer to yourself and/or your Higher Power? I think it’s important for us to share our stories so that we don’t feel alone in difficult times. This virus time period has certainly been difficult to manage for many of us.
Anyway, I wish you a safe and happy Independence Day if you’re in the US. And if you’re elsewhere, I hope your Saturday is safe and happy too!