First Love

I got a call from my first love yesterday.  Out of the blue because I had written an email to him.  You see, he gave me my first kiss and we were on again off again for years before  we mutually decided that we were better off friends.  And we were/are.  We both married other people (and I have since divorced mine).  But all is well.

It’s not unusual for us to write occasional emails.  His wife knows all about them and I have suggested he let her read them so there is no mistaking anything.  She’s since friended me on social media which is fine.  They live overseas so it’s not like I’m likely to see either of them.  And I pose zero threat to their marriage.

But there’s something about a friendship/relationship from long ago that feels good.  He knew me back when I was young and we grew up in the same town.  He knew my parents, my friends, my family and I knew his.  Those are things that one just doesn’t have when you meet someone after college, so we enjoy keeping up with each other’s lives.  It’s an easy friendship (and that’s all it is).

Yesterday he asked if I were dating.  When I told him I hadn’t found anyone yet, he asked me what I was looking for in a partner now that I’d been married/divorced.  When we finished the conversation, we were both laughing because he knew me so well that many of his ‘suggestions’ as to what I needed in a boyfriend could only have been suggested by someone who once was my boyfriend for many years.

Do you have a first love that you have stayed connected with?

 

This entry was posted in finding happiness at 50, love and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to First Love

  1. My first kiss was an asshole. My first boyfriend was troubled and a trouble maker. Consider yourself lucky!! 🙂

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    • janieleeds says:

      I’m so sad to hear this! Perhaps your second was better and maybe somehow we can erase the first and make the second the new first? Just a suggestion….

      And yes, I do consider myself lucky although it wasn’t all roses and happiness with my first love either. We had some tough times, but the underlying sentiment was always a caring friendship and love.

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  2. LA says:

    That’s a great idea for a novel…

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  3. petespringerauthor says:

    About ten years ago, I was stunned to see an obituary in our local paper of my first girlfriend. She was a good person, but I never thought of her as “the one.” I hadn’t spoken to her in several years before she passed, but I was filled with sorrow.

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  4. TJ Fox says:

    I stayed friends on and off with a guy I’d know since Kindergarten and dated on and off all through school and for a few years after. We’d drifted apart for several years before reconnecting (as seemed to be our pattern) about 10 years ago. Sadly, I realized then that a big part of the reason why we never really worked was because we were just too fundamentally different in all the important ways. All those differences that I’d brushed off over the years were amplified by that point because I’d grown and changed as a person so much that I just could no longer stomach some of his attitude and views. On so many levels, he is an amazingly kindhearted and giving person, but he is also full of all kinds of typical white male ugliness. I do miss some of the shared history and that kind and giving part of his nature, but I really don’t miss the toxic side at all.

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    • janieleeds says:

      TJ, I understand exactly what you mean. Thanks for sharing. It’s interesting how as time goes on we can look back at the first love with more clarity and experience in life. Be grateful for the good and understand why it never really worked out (toxic) and even if we didn’t understand at the time, we know now. You will always have the shared history….that memory doesn’t change.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Amy_Molasses says:

    Great outlook and story! I stayed friends with my first love until he passed, I still think of him fondly and speak of him often. I learned a lot from him.

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  6. Yes, and that’s a long story in itself! Here’s the short version: He broke my heart, dumped me, tried to reconnect and kept coming back to me for more than 20 years. We were both partnered (in my case at 21; this guy and I were 16 when we met. He wanted that ‘first love’ fix and would always write to me and tell me how sorry he was and how I was the love of my life. I never wanted to be with him but I hadn’t healed, partly because he kept ripping the scab off every year or two. This relationship, which was not an uneasy friendship that crossed too many emotional boundaries, was the cause of a rift in my marriage that eventually imploded. So what did I learn from this? Don’t give in to nostalgia, recognise those times for what they were – formative – then move on. Don’t dwell on the past, live in the now. Don’t allow a narcissist to dominate your life and emotions in the way he did to me. And be kind and open to the ones you really love. (Sorry for the essay!)

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