This past week, it’s been really hard being a Mom, let alone a divorced one. My kid has been in the hospital since Friday night and is not going home any time soon. At least not today, nor tomorrow. I brought him to the ER on Friday and they admitted him for observation. I thought he might have had Covid, (even though he doesn’t go anywhere), he had similar symptoms to what you read online, so I had him tested last Tuesday by the pediatrician. Test results came back negative on Thursday, but by Friday afternoon he was so out of it mentally, physically and emotionally, his brother insisted it was more than just flu-like symptoms. Turns out, he was right.
He has pneumonia. But before we knew that for sure, he had to be tested again twice for Covid at the hospital and he and I were both put in insolation because of it. In fact, as I sit here in his room with him, everyone who comes in is still gowned with PPE on even though he’s tested negative. Luckily when nobody’s in the room, we go without masks, unless he’s having a coughing fit, then we both wear them.
But this whole experience broke me to my core in so many ways. Even my core cracked. While I’m grateful that he doesn’t have Covid, and so I don’t have Covid, and we’re not worrying about that part, there’s the pneumonia piece that I have to deal with and how he got it. But that’s for another post.
I have had to deal with his dad (the ex-husband) and that hasn’t been easy. We haven’t spoken at all since I took him back to court because he wasn’t paying his share according to the divorce agreement. While I could have simply not told him that our son was in the hospital, the kind part of me thought he should know for our son’s sake. Legally I don’t need to tell him since our son is over 18, but I did because I wanted our son to have his support as well. Hell, I live on hope…foolish woman that I am.
It’s hard to see your son suffering and having difficulty breathing due to pneumonia. I know he’s in the right place because he’s getting IV medications and oxygen that we wouldn’t have at home. Now that we’re not a Covid threat, I can leave and come back to be with him. The first night, I was told that if I left, I wouldn’t be able to return at all so I had no choice but to stay and barely slept worrying that he had Covid and now I did too and what that would morph into in a hospital setting. Lucky, that didn’t happen. So even though I am with him at the hospital, I do go home for an hour or two in the middle of the day to check on my other son, the house, the pets and just drive for a bit to release it all. Free in the car with the music blaring, the windows open so the wind blows my hair (and cares away) and the sun warming my face. A few precious minutes to just be JANIE. Not Janie the Mom, the divorced woman, the one who’s responsible for everyone and everything. Just me…and that’s what’s helping me get through this situation. Well, in addition to my love for my kids and the kindness of my brother and my friends.