Lately a lot of stuff has been coming up with my kids about their dad. We’ve had some heart to heart talks that made me sad for them. Their dad left around 6 years ago and while he’s occasionally in touch with them, it’s been hard because they remember the dad that was different than the stranger that sees them maybe 3 times a year. And not because he lives that faraway (he moved 4 hours away), but because he often ignores texts or calls and then there’s a push/pull between the kids and him because he’ll go silent for awhile and not answer them so they don’t feel the need to answer him when he finally comes around. And, it’s not as if he’s working because he’s lost his job (again) and he’s not depressed either. He just “doesn’t want to do this anymore” which I’m guessing included being a part of their lives.
So, the kids are having a hard time because their dad mentioned he might be moving across country which obviously would mean that he wouldn’t be 4 hours away by car anymore. At firs they were really upset, but as we talked about it, they (I didn’t help) realized that it’s not as if they see him anyway so what difference would it make?
Then the conversation moved towards how much they’ve missed the dad they remember him being when they were younger and how much they’ve missed out on learning about ‘boy stuff’ from their dad because he left when they were 14-16. While I tried to teach them some ‘boy stuff’ like how to make a Windsor knot (tie), how to shave without cutting their faces, I’ve taken them to lease cars (how to make a deal) and use some tools that I have here, there are other things that I don’t know. And I’m not a guy so it makes it weird.
They have a good male therapist to talk with so that helps, but no real male role model (or at least that’s what they tell me). They want me to find a man so that they can have a good guy to hang around with as well, but that’s not happened yet, especially not during the virus…I’m not dating yet.
But there’s not much I can say except I am sorry that their dad isn’t there for them more often and that as much as I think I’m being Mom and Dad to them, I fall short in the Dad area more often than not. And yes, YouTube is good for learning some things, but it’s just not the same. And I get it.
But really, what’s a mom to say?