Deadbeat Dad

I never liked when I heard women refer to their exes as deadbeat dads. I never thought I’d call the ex this ugly moniker, but here it is. Officially a deadbeat dad who neglects the payments ordered by the divorce court system. This is not the first time he has refused to pay. When we first divorced, he refused to pay so I had to file a motion to garnish his wages after giving him the benefit of the doubt for a month. And then he got to pay the amount in arrears back to me at a measly $50 a week for months because that’s what the system allows.

Again, another phantom month of non-payment has emerged. He got severance from his last job for a year so the payments continued thankfully. But when he got a new job and the severance year was up, he refused to pay.

Fast forward to this past month and while wage garnishment has begun again, the end of the month was short by $600. And this is in addition to the month of child support/alimony that he’s not paid at all and the months of arrears (because he paid less than he’s supposed to) that have already accumulated.

I can’t even begin to tell you how frustrated and upset I am. I’m trying not to let the stress of it take me down, but it’s hard especially when Christmas is coming. I tried to take the high road and not say anything to the kids because they don’t need that additional stress. But I caved the other night when I’d had enough of them fawning all over his new Mercedes convertible sports car and I ended up telling them how he’s not paid at all for October and been short August, September, November and now December. They needed a correction in perspective.

I don’t care if the deadbeat is driving a luxury vehicle as long as he pays what he’s lawfully required to pay on time. I don’t need those status symbols. I never did. I liked them when I had them, but I wasn’t one to need them.

I’m more about your integrity than your Mercedes. But maybe that’s just me. It would be nice to find someone with both, but that’s ok. I’m enjoying being free.

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14 Responses to Deadbeat Dad

  1. petespringerauthor says:

    So sorry about this, Janie. Guys like your ex don’t reflect well on we men (divorced or not) who are trying to be good dads.


  2. TJ Fox says:

    Should I offer to smack him for you? This kind of stuff ticks me off to no end. He is probably much like my ex and thinks that even the child support is some weird payment to give you a “life of luxury” and doesn’t think he should have to pay. Mine actually told me that I’d be set for the next 18 years with his little payments (my state doesn’t allow for alimony, only a reasonable amount for child support). It was astounding how ignorantly and willfully blind that man was. *hugs*

    Liked by 2 people

  3. scr4pl80 says:

    Especially now when everything is so scrambled anyway, having to deal with something like that is crazy. What a jerk.


  4. Ainsobriety says:

    I am sorry. My ex pays his child support, but he has zero interaction with the kids. He is busy with his new life and new baby.
    He thinks he is continuing to give them space. I consider him a deadbeat. I am surprised, as I always considered him a reliable father.

    I know the new baby mom hates that he has to send me money every month. I make more money then both of them. That said, the kids deserve it. Too bad for them.

    The kids are all that matters.


    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      Yes, the kids matter more than the other stuff between the divorced couple. Good for you Anne. I am glad he pays. I am sorry he has zero interaction though as that’s hard on the kids but thank goodness they have you!!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. bone&silver says:

    What a loser! That is SO unfair. I think itโ€™s good you told the kids- they need to know the truth- they need to NOT behave like that when they grow up- I applaud you for pursuing what you are entitled to ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿฟ


  6. hbsuefred says:

    After reading this plus all the comments, I’ve gained some clarity re how fortunate I am that both my kids were fully grown and independent adults by the time my 30 year marriage came to a merciful if unexpected end a year or so ago. That’s just one of the disagreements between us since he filed for divorce. My story is long and different from yours, but no less bitter or easier to bear. My chief complaint is not that he wants to lavish himself with the finer things in life but that he strung me along for at least 15 years after he first thought about getting rid of me and the kids but didn’t really have the balls to do it.

    I plan to go after the bastard for half his pension, which is his main source of income since we’re both retired and which I don’t think he realized the court would award to me (it may even be a law but I’m still trying to figure that out) in this situation. I may or may not actually need the $ but I’m pretty sure he does if he wants to continue to live in the home I found for us and which he suggested we leave together until he changed his mind.

    I decided to follow you, and some of your followers, too, after searching the tag divorce, if I recall correctly. What a sisterhood (mostly) we are. Just reading the experiences of others such as yourself is both enlightening and comforting.


    • janieleeds says:

      I wish you all the best. We are all here for you. I am here for you. I am sorry this happened, but when we choose healing, we can feel the feelings and let them go. We can see with sharper clarity the life lessons that have come from the situation and open a new chapter in our lives. It’s not an easy journey, but with guidance and friendship, we can process it and come out the other side stronger, healthier and happier.
      We each have a different story, but they are similar. My advice is to stand up for what is rightfully yours by law and find your center to move ahead as your next chapter unfolds.
      It’s like a reset button – what do you want this next part of your life to be?
      Thanks for the follow. I am glad you found me so I can connect with you! Have a lovely Friday and weekend ahead. Do something happy for yourself. ๐Ÿ’—


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