Post Christmas Melancholy

We spent the afternoon at my brother’s house with his family. Social distanced until meal time, but even then, his wife had the place settings distanced so that felt good. I am glad I went and that my kids came with me. It’s always nicer when they’re there.

At one point he was in the kitchen with his wife and for a brief moment it made me sad because it’s obvious that they have a good relationship. There’s a give and take which I watched and realized that the ex and I really never had that gift of communication.

And while I’m happy for them, honestly, I am, I was a bit melancholy wondering if I’ll ever find someone to share my life with in the future. Even though I am happy having my kids home with me, someday they will move out and while I might like a night or two off from being Mom, I don’t know how I’d survive completely alone for a long period of time.

Because I’m a hugger and I love people. It’s almost a physical need that I crave connections. Please don’t think I’m crazy because I’m not. But do you know what I mean? I’m very affectionate so to not have any physical contact would be tough for me.

I know I’m getting ahead of myself. I guess it’s just the post holiday melancholy. I’ll be right as rain tomorrow. Just give me a little while today…

This entry was posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50 and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Post Christmas Melancholy

  1. Ainsobriety says:

    I have very similar thoughts…my kids are 15 and 17. I have a couple years still with the second one.
    My grandma got divorced (again, she was married a few times) at 85. She will be 100 in April. She lives alone in her own house still. She likes sports and used to garden. I wonder if I will be content living alone in a smaller house, maybe with some pets…
    Like you, it’s impossible to know and for today I am happy as is.

    Hugs and love


  2. petespringerauthor says:

    I also am a hugger with my friends, and it’s been a bit of an adjustment for me. I’ve also thought of how odd it would have seemed with my students because I was always giving high fives, fist bumps, and hugs. None of that would be happening now.


    • janieleeds says:

      I agree that in this atmosphere, it would be hard to be a teacher without giving high fives etc. Especially the little ones…I imagined you would definitely be a hugger because of your kindness.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s