Don’t Drag Your Story Into 2021

I’m part of a group on FB that has divorced and single moms over age 50. Why? Because that’s who I am. But the majority of these women are having such a difficult time that it makes me sad.

Now you know, if you’ve been reading my blog, that I have had a difficult time too. I have yet to meet a person whose divorce went smoothly or who doesn’t have regrets or anger or intense sadness after a divorce. Those are feelings that we have to process and work through so we can heal.

I can honestly say that I don’t wish anything bad on the ex. I have no relationship with him (his choice) and I only ask that he pay on-time as the divorce decree stipulates. His relationship with my kids is theirs alone. I do not speak badly about him. I released him and his family and I am better because of it. There’s no use in holding on when there’s nothing there.

I’m not just talking about divorces. I’m referring to anything that causes you strife. Dragging that into the new year is mucking up 2021. January 2021 is still the transition from 2020 to 2021 so work on your issues now so that by February you can be clear to enjoy what 2021 has to offer.

Let go of people who do not want to be with you. The energy you expend thinking about them isn’t helping to strengthen you. It’s weakening you, bit by bit. Thought by thought. I will not tell you that there’s someone else out there for you in order to make you feel better. There sure might be, but I don’t know that and neither do you. But what I do know is that YOU need to heal yourself so that you are happy with yourself which may lead you to finding someone else to share your life. But if you don’t figure yourself out before you try again, your same patterns and distress will continue into the next relationship. Why? Because you didn’t clear it out and heal it.

Take an inventory of what you want in your life in 2021. What matters to you most? What feeds your soul? What makes you feel inspired? Loved and happy? Our world is changing. Drop the inauthentic baloney. Be a good person. Be yourself. Release yourself from the gossip fray and find your tribe. There are a lot of us out there who are kind, caring and enjoy connecting with people.

Join us. We’re here for you. I’m here for you and I’ll help you.

This entry was posted in #womenofacertainage, divorce, finding happiness at 50, inspiration and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Don’t Drag Your Story Into 2021

  1. petespringerauthor says:

    I taught a lot of kids of divorced parents over the years. It’s commendable on your part that you don’t speak badly about your ex in front of your kids. Some parents I dealt with were that way and concentrated on what was best for their kids. (That should be the goal.) Even if I held separate parent/teacher conferences, some would hijack the conference to tell how horrible the other parent was. Not helpful at all.

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    • Ainsobriety says:

      Some ex’s deserve bad words. Unless you have been there you can’t imagine the deep personal pain.
      I also think people do this out of fear that you will judge them as inadequate. It’s self protective.

      Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      I think they hijack because they yearn to be heard and worry what the other parent may be saying. It’s most likely an insecurity. I’m glad some kept the kids at the forefront and let the other stuff be secondary because the kids are who count….especially at parent/teacher conferences.

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  2. scr4pl80 says:

    Good words to remember. I don’t think it has to be a spouse you release either. I’m releasing my sister. So much easier.

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  3. Ainsobriety says:

    Getting divorced isn’t a story I expect the have! Lol
    I though Craig and I had weathered enough storms and were finally on the same page.
    Who know?!

    That said, I’m pretty happily divorced. I relish laying in my king size canopy bed full of stuffed animals from my daughter and soft blankets.

    I have a number fo friends who got divorced when I did. The experiences are varied. One had a restraining order from a crazy and angry ex, one wanted all the lightbulbs from the house and tried to prevent a kid from getting braces that were covered by insurance.

    I feel fortunate that my ex signed the papers and disappeared.

    That said, the trauma of 2019 is still fresh. My daughter is still intensely angry and directs it at her father and his new family. Mostly she ignores it, but of affairs come up in books or tv it is a huge trigger. This still makes me mad, but I’m a kind of sad way as I know my ex never ever expected that.

    I am also lucky that I have a good job and was financially secure on my own. That seems to be the heaviest blow to women.

    All in all, I am taking 2021 to embrace my son who will probably move away to university in September. And to help my daughter find her way through grade 10 after years of school avoidance.

    It is all amazing. Hard. Tiring. And worth it.

    Anne

    Like

    • janieleeds says:

      Thanks for sharing your story Anne. I am really proud of you and all you’ve accomplished because it isn’t always easy and there’s a lot of hard work put in to raising children and keeping peaceful ties with them.

      I’m glad you’re financially secure. Sadly he’s disappeared but perhaps it’s for the best because at least he’s not bothering you nor the kids. But that’s sad for all involved. I wish there were an easier way than them disappearing. But at least there’s no harassment.

      Absolutely, positively WORTH IT! Yes!!!

      Big hugs

      Liked by 1 person

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