I often wonder, “What happened to you?” when I see some people. I want to reach out and hug them, even total strangers. Because when I see a heart hurting, I want them to heal, to smile again and to be whole again and not the broken I am seeing. But I don’t have all the answers and I hesitate to even bring up the subject unless they’re talking about it and act as if they want to talk about it.
I look at my own ex and think, “What happened to you?” Many divorced friends and I have talked about that subject over the years. Some of us know each other’s exes and we still try to figure out what changed for them. Because many of the exes’ personalities, their relationships with their kids and their overall beings have changed. And it makes me sad.
We’ve discussed many possibilities as to why they may have changed when we believed we knew them for decades. We would have never foreseen the present day persona that exists. Mid-life crisis, even thought it sounds so cliché, many of us have actually read up on it in order to help ourselves to understand the changes we’ve seen in our exes. Some of it makes sense. Some of it doesn’t. Our wake up call that they had narcissistic tendencies and we realized we didn’t like the dynamic. Or better said, the ex found better fuel.
Even WE changed which perhaps was the catalyst to their changes. Or vice versa. Interestingly enough though, the women, after a time, seem to thrive and pick up the pieces and become stronger.
I’m not saying that men don’t do that either, but the ones I’m familiar with seem to be more determined to leave the past behind and not stay in the lives of their kids. Not all men are this way. Let me make that completely clear as I am NOT man-bashing. I know of exes who do stay in contact with their kids and are amazing fathers and men. These have a detente with the ex-wives and for the most part, the ex-spouses act decently and somewhat friendly to each other. That would be my dream, but it hasn’t happened for me.
Do you ever think of you ex and wonder, “What happened to you?”
Or “What happened to me? What happened to us?”