What Happened To You?

I often wonder, “What happened to you?” when I see some people. I want to reach out and hug them, even total strangers. Because when I see a heart hurting, I want them to heal, to smile again and to be whole again and not the broken I am seeing. But I don’t have all the answers and I hesitate to even bring up the subject unless they’re talking about it and act as if they want to talk about it.

I look at my own ex and think, “What happened to you?” Many divorced friends and I have talked about that subject over the years. Some of us know each other’s exes and we still try to figure out what changed for them. Because many of the exes’ personalities, their relationships with their kids and their overall beings have changed. And it makes me sad.

We’ve discussed many possibilities as to why they may have changed when we believed we knew them for decades. We would have never foreseen the present day persona that exists. Mid-life crisis, even thought it sounds so cliché, many of us have actually read up on it in order to help ourselves to understand the changes we’ve seen in our exes. Some of it makes sense. Some of it doesn’t. Our wake up call that they had narcissistic tendencies and we realized we didn’t like the dynamic. Or better said, the ex found better fuel.

Even WE changed which perhaps was the catalyst to their changes. Or vice versa. Interestingly enough though, the women, after a time, seem to thrive and pick up the pieces and become stronger.

I’m not saying that men don’t do that either, but the ones I’m familiar with seem to be more determined to leave the past behind and not stay in the lives of their kids. Not all men are this way. Let me make that completely clear as I am NOT man-bashing. I know of exes who do stay in contact with their kids and are amazing fathers and men. These have a detente with the ex-wives and for the most part, the ex-spouses act decently and somewhat friendly to each other. That would be my dream, but it hasn’t happened for me.

Do you ever think of you ex and wonder, “What happened to you?”

Or “What happened to me? What happened to us?”

This entry was posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50, love and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to What Happened To You?

  1. LA says:

    Yes. I think all those things.I think it’s natural. But I don’t always think of them. Sometimes something will remind me of something and then I’ll overthink it for a bit…I do have a post scheduled something along these lines. I’ll try to give you a heads up when I look to see when it’s scheduled

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ainsobriety says:

    I spent the first year thinking about what happened to Craig a lot.
    I have sympathy for him. He made many good decisions over the years, but then some bad.
    Maybe more bad that I didn’t even know about.

    Overall, his character was always based on the strength of family. He loves his mom. How he could cheat, lose his family and not be devastated seemed hard to understand, but I know him. He tells himself we are better off without him, and that Anne has it all under control, as always.

    See…narcissist always make sure others take responsibility.

    It’s ok. We are better off. I was driving today thinking my life is lovely and I am going to enjoy this time…not worry about what’s next.


    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      I like your attitude – enjoy this time and not worry about what’s next. Great thinking! As for Craig, I’m sorry. As hard as it is on the rest of the family, I have a spot of compassion for him as well and hope he can figure this all out. In the meantime, Anne does have it all under control and thankfully you do! xo

      Liked by 1 person

  3. bone&silver says:

    One of my exes is an alcoholic (I realise now) who refuses to take responsibility for that disease and how it affects everyone around them; I’m so glad I got out of there!

    People grow, and others don’t. People get boxed in by life, and make small choices; others don’t. Some people want the easy life; others want the road less travelled. As you so aptly named your blog, all we can do is embrace change, and live authentically. But that takes Courage, and quite frankly, some people (often men over 50) run out of that. So be it. Just keep being YOU ❤ G


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