“Poor Daddy”

I’m venting. Sorry, but here’s part of the whole sob story from my son about his dad (the ex) from his dad’s visit a few weekends ago. Yup, it finally came out.

“Mom, I think he’s changed.”

“Really? What makes you think that?” I turned to look at my kid and groaned inwardly. His eyes were so full of hope.

“He was crying when we left the house.”

“Crying?” I asked bewildered. “Teary or crying?”

“Mom I don’t know, but he was really sad. He’s alone. He misses us. And he’s lonely.” The kid was really touched that his dad was showing such emotion.

I simply nodded. There’s a part of me that has zero sympathy for that man. And another part who remembers when things were good between us. “Uh huh.” I answered non-plussed.

“And he’s poor. He’s got no money. They’re selling his rental so he has to move out.”

“Well, then tell him to get a real estate agent and find a new place.”

“Mom he’s really poor. He told me. He might have to put all of his stuff into a storage unit and live out of a hotel.”

“Well, let me remind you that living in a hotel and paying for a storage unit costs money too, kiddo.”

“Mom, he’s in a bad place. Maybe you should call him. He needs a friend.”

I politely declined my kid’s suggestion.

“But you always taught us to take the high road and to help others,” he insisted.

“I stand by that still. But no, I am not calling him,” and I immediately changed the subject.

Because he told the kids he’s going away on vacation this weekend. I’m sure he’s thinking that he’s got the kid wrapped around his little finger. And he does. May the truth will come out….eventually. At least, I’ve got hope.

You can’t be “poor” and go on vacation. Living in a hotel and putting your stuff in storage costs money. And he’s still in arrears on child support and alimony. He talks out of both sides of his mouth, so the kids will have to realize it on their own. They just need to listen objectively instead of falling into the sympathy trap for “Poor Daddy.”

I learned that lesson long ago.

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14 Responses to “Poor Daddy”

  1. LA says:

    Thinking of you as you navigate this

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ainsobriety says:

    I think you did a great job of stating your points.
    It is obviously not your responsibility friends with your ex. At some point I hope your son realizes you are not going to be his dads saviour.

    Vacations and hotels are expensive.

    Chumplady always says the answers are cool bummer wow.

    Dad sad? Bummer. What would you like for dinner.

    The high road is not badmouthing him. It isn’t sacrificing yourself for his benefit in any way.

    Hug. I hope the dad isn’t just manipulating your son.


    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      Thank you Anne. I agree with you, but I do think he is manipulating him. It isn’t the first nor will it be the last until my son doesn’t allow it. Until then, I just continue on…hugs to you too!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. bone&silver says:

    *Growls through gritted teeth and rolls her eyes


  4. TJ Fox says:

    He pulled the “I’m broke” card? Seriously?! If that were legitimately true, wouldn’t he run home to mommy and live there? From all you’ve said, that seems like the most realistic scenario. Something I would think your kids would understand at this point, so the fact that he isn’t living there should tell them that their dad is adding one and one and getting seven. I hate to say it, but they are in for a world of hurt when they finally see their dad for the real person he is and I feel so bad for them because of it.


    • janieleeds says:

      Thanks TJ…I see it the way you do as well, but I’m not saying too much to the kids as they’re trying to navigate their feelings as well as the truth that seems to be slippery at best when it comes to their dad. I feel badly for them too, but the light of reality has to come to them otherwise I’m pegged as the ‘bad guy’ so I’m just here listening…

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Hold on be confident, the children you have raised are smart and they will see the truth. I pray they will not be devastated by it. Leaving these men to time, the real self will come out. I try to remain optimistic that they will change in time so the children will see good examples. Vent we understand, I’m glad you hit publish on this one.🙂
    You are strong and I’m proud of how you responded.


  6. It’s really hard for kids to hold two truths at the same time: I love my Dad/My Dad’s a jerk (fill in the blank). We can be the better person by not bad-mouthing the ex in front of kids–ever. It is so much better, I think, if children can gradually come to see their parent’s flaws on their own.


    • janieleeds says:

      I try very hard not to bad mouth their dad, but sometimes it happens. I agree with you. They will see him however they see him without my help. And their relationship with him is their relationship with him and has nothing to do with me.


  7. Also Just read why did you fall for the narcissist that you wrote in 2018. So from that what you say?


    • janieleeds says:

      I would say that I’ve healed and that this personality type does not interest me. But I am aware that I could ‘fall’ for it again because strangely as it sounds, it’s familiar.


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