Empowerment

What better way to start the week on a Monday with a post on empowerment! LOL. I reread an old post about narcissism and then was looking back at how much I was writing back in 2018 about that very subject. Interestingly enough, I was heavy into healing from the experience with the ex’s NPD and hoping to help other women/men who were in similar situations.

Fast forward now a few years and I don’t write about it much anymore. Probably because the ex and I don’t speak. We don’t communicate which is fine with me. As much as it feels sad to me to not communicate with my kids’ dad, because I had always thought we could co-parent, I’m fine with it now. It’s better for me in so many ways.

I probably sound like I waffle between loving him, getting angry with him and wanting nothing to do with him because I do. I married a man with whom I felt comfortable because I had grown up in a family that was similar to how he was. I was familiar with that type of person and there was a comfort there. He was a take charge kind of guy, but had a soft side that while was rarely seen, I always felt empowered that I could bring it out in him. While I walked on eggshells often and suffered the silent treatment which I abhorred, I blinded myself into thinking that he loved me and that we would make it through anything because I would make it work. The impetus being on “I would make it work” because I loved him so much.

What I lacked back then was clarity and empowerment. I thought this was the way a marriage was because my parents had a similar situation (as did his). Perhaps it was the generation above us who modeled it. Who knows? But I can clearly see the ex’s mom and my dad’s NPD now that I’ve learned about narcissism. And I can see my part in the relationships as well.

I would have never left the ex, but I am grateful that I have learned so much about our relationship. I am happy that he left, even though I once felt that I wasted time mourning his departure. Now I see, through healing and time, that I have grown tremendously and have found my own empowerment by the experience with him.

While I would have preferred less hurt in my life, the experience brought me clarity about myself, my family and people in general. Additionally I wouldn’t have had my kids and they are of the utmost importance to me so I wouldn’t change a thing if it meant I didn’t have them.

Empowerment in seeing myself (and others) for who they are without the translucent veil that accompanied how I wanted to see them (ie. always see the good in others) and not taking off the rose-colored glasses.

Empowerment in working on myself and strengthening my weaknesses all the while celebrating that I am strong enough to allow myself to be vulnerable.

Empowerment in sharing my experiences and the wisdom which has unfolded through the help of all those kind souls of whom I meet – blogging friends included.

Empowerment in helping others to unravel the disconnect between the mind’s process and the actual situation.

Empowerment in feeling centered with who I am at this present moment, knowing that I can choose to be me.

Empowerment is such an amazing feeling, isn’t it?

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4 Responses to Empowerment

  1. Ainsobriety says:

    I agree with everything.
    I would never have left, but I am now thankful Craig did. I would have given and given to make things work. It would have been so unfair to me.
    My mom is the NPD. It is a very hard relationship, and is even more evident that Craig treated me life she did…or more, I fell into the same codependent relationship.

    Craig isn’t a bad guy, but he was not good for me. And, it is clear, his NPD personality was not healthy for the kids. They have blossomed without his overbearing Aura. He thought he was fun. But he only was of you did whatever he wanted.

    Of course, we don’t coparent. We do work together occasionally, and we’re in the same zoom meeting yesterday. He is the same. Everything is everyone else’s fault. He texted me that after the meeting.

    Later that day I heard a song we used to like and I cried. Obviously I am still hurt. I suppose that’s ok too.

    It doesn’t diminish my own empowerment. I love myself now. I’m strong, focused and independent. It’s awesome.

    Sorry for the rambling. I feel like you understand. Lol

    Thank you

    Anne

    Like

    • janieleeds says:

      My dear Anne, I do understand. Truly I do. And it seems to me that what we need to heal is to be heard, be understood so that we can process what happened and then move on. You’re doing great by the way. I get those weepy moments too when I hear a song that reminds me of the good times.
      It’s a strange journey life, don’t you think? We intersect with people along the way who come and go, sometimes for a long-term relationship, sometimes for a brief moment. But I’m glad we’ve connected and I’m here for you. Keep up the great work! I’m so happy that you’ve found your power!
      Yay for empowerment!!! xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Angshita D. says:

    “Empowerment in working on myself and strengthening my weaknesses all the while celebrating that I am strong enough to allow myself to be vulnerable…………..
    Empowerment in feeling centered with who I am at this present moment, knowing that I can choose to be me.” These lines! Soothing in this world of active pseudo feminism. Empowerment isn’t about men or women, empowerment is about oneself, and the bond between your mind and heart. Empowerment is in glorifying yourself. Empowerment is finding an ideal. Empowerment is about self-love and not self worship.
    Empowerment should not polar. It should be neutral. We have a blog at Wordskraft which discusses the importance of gender neutral empowerment. We would be pleased if you read it and place your opinions and sentiments about it.
    #MyWordsKraft

    Like

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