I just saw that I haven’t written in 6 days! Yikes! I don’t know where the time has gone. I feel like I have ADHD, even though I don’t, because I have a lot going on here at Chez Leeds. Nothing traumatic mind you, just a lot of stuff and I feel like Ricochet Rabbit – ping ping ping!
Do you understand the reference? Does it make sense to you? 🙂 Now you’re showing your age (as am I)! LOL
Lately a lot of my friends and I feel like we’re being triggered with old wounds. Lots of stuff is coming up to be released with many emotional ties. Body image stuff from childhood and feeling older than when we last dated (which for many of us is decades ago) is surfacing. Being hard on ourselves when we look in the mirror I guess is normal, but it’s tough to deal with when you’re contemplating dating again.
One friend is online dating now. I often wonder if guys when they’re online dating after being divorced feel like inside they’re in their 20’s too. Because we seem to feel that way. And while none of us are so shallow as to only look at the photos, we are all so old! LOL Big laugh please. Because we are old…
And many of us are searching for something different this time. We’ve been wounded and have healed. We know what we don’t want, but what do we want is still undetermined.
I don’t think we need to have a list (although some friends have made very specific lists). I just don’t feel that way. I don’t want a checklist to have to manage when the time is right. I’d like to let it unfold and see how things go.
Sure, my friends are talking about ‘manifesting a man’ because if you’ve been on TikTok at all, you’ll see all those people talking about Grabavoi codes to manifest what you want. But that’s not me necessarily. I feel like when the time is right for both the man and me, we’ll know. It’s just maybe that I haven’t met him yet or that we’re not healed enough at this time.
But I find it interesting how people go about dating again after divorce. Everyone’s got their own set of rules, standards, and thoughts about how it should go. How a person speaks about what they want often is a clue into their past. What they say about the ex is important. Their manner in approaching someone too makes a difference. Do they come on strong and pursue or do they allow things to go at their own pace?
I know that Covid changed online dating a bit (according to my friend). While I’m not ready to ‘get back out there’ and put myself online, there is a piece of the Spring season that’s making me thing a bit more. But I know it’s not time for me yet. I have too much going on.
How are you doing?
Authentically 50 ~ Embracing Life's Changes 
Covid has changed so much. Things that I had taken for granted, like getting a band together in the same room, are gone. It would be nice to have a non-smart phone relationship, whether it’s dating or playing in a band. This is getting old.
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I know. I feel similarly Rob. I hope things get better soon so that we can all feel normal again. But it will be a new normal I’m guessing. How’s the puppy???
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He’s doing good! He’s stopped digging giant holes in my garden, so that’s a plus. 😀
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That’s good news! Digging would only be good if you were planning on planting! LOL
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I’m not dating, but I have some basic is in mind.
I need a guy who is nice, financially stable, has no little kids, enjoys heavy metal concerts and is willing to watch sports every night… maybe also interested in, or at least willing to come to, a yoga retreat. Oh, and doesn’t drink…
So, Writing this out makes me realize I should get comfortable helping single,lol.
Anne
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Hey Anne! I like your list! I think it’s good to write out what you’d like in order to get your head in the dating scene. I believe that when you’re ready, it will happen. 🙂
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Life is good. No complaints
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I agree! Life is good! 🙂 Happy for you!
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I have a few single friends that have found the pandemic… challenging. In the first months they wrote about how much they missed going out on dates, but as the months rolled by their entire outlook changed – more settled, content, and happy in their own company. I wonder if that’s universal to most people ?
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Hi Jonathan! Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I feel like the pandemic allowed people to go within and work on their issues in order to heal which is good. I feel better myself. How about you?
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I’m good. I’ve joked with friends that I was designed to get through the pandemic. I’m happy in my own company, and historically have always used the internet to keep in touch with friends anyway 🙂
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Good for you Jonathan! Me too by the way! Although friends and I talk via phone often! 🙂
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After my divorce and a brief dip back into the dating world, I sat down and wrote out the things that were important to me when it came to a future partner. Nothing about looks or more surface things, but the more intangible things that make a person who they are. It was kind of vague in that, but it did help me to clarify what I needed in my life. It made it easier to decide that I didn’t want to invest the time in getting past the first few conversations because it was easier to see there was no way a relationship with that person would fulfill me in the most important ways.
It was more of an exercise in getting out my frustrations at the whole dating process at the time than anything, but within a month I met my Hubby. I won’t say it was magic or anything, kind of freaky but not magic, but it definitely put me in the right mind frame to be ready to meet him.
I think that too many relationships fail because people compromise on those things that really are important to them. Not intentionally, but because they haven’t really solidified what those things are for themselves before getting caught up in the dating whirlwind.
I’m now 20 years into that crazy ride with my Hubby and I’ve got to say, he hit every single one of my list items and I really couldn’t be happier.
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I LOVE this – thank you TJ! You’re an inspiration to me and I will let my friends know about what you wrote and did! Thank you! I love that he hit every single item on your list! That’s amazing and wonderful all at the same time! And, I wouldn’t rule out magical…. 😉
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