Mother’s Day

Next Sunday is Mother’s Day. While I hadn’t thought of what I wanted to do, apparently the ex has invited our kids on Mother’s Day to dinner to celebrate his mother (their Grandma) and his family.

Seriously??

The worst part is that his entire family will be there so all of my kids’ cousins whom they haven’t seen in months will be there too. And my kids want to go…

Can you hear my little sob from there?

Alone on Mother’s Day…because they’d prefer to be with their cousins and the ex’s family because it’s more fun…and because they live with me.

And I get it. I do. But it still tugs at my heart. Because I know that witch of an ex-MIL is thrilled that again she has my kids on a holiday. There’s zero compassion from them towards me. She delights in my kids choosing their cousins (the ex’s family) over me. She tells people this, so that’s how I know. And it stinks.

I can’t make my kids stay here with their Mom whom they live with 24/7 citing “it’s Mother’s Day and you can’t leave me alone by myself and go off with them.” Because it looks bad on me. Even though they shouldn’t be put in that position. But they are. Every single holiday.

Part of me is thinking, ok, let’s have lunch and celebrate Mother’s Day together and then they can go off to see their cousins with their dad’s family. That way, I have a little me time, maybe pamper myself, take a bubble bath without interruption….and not have to cook dinner! But the thorn will be that the ex’s mom will make sure she highlights that my kids are not with their mom (me), but instead with her. She announces it every holiday.

Can you see how as the ex-wife of a narcissist, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree because the ex-MIL is a huge narcissist! Bigger than he is…

Can I say how much I truly, truly dislike her?

Then again, it would warm my heart if my kids didn’t fall for the ‘come see your cousins’ carrot dangled in front of them only on holidays. Because they all live close by, but only get together when it leaves me alone on a holiday.

Any advice is appreciated. I’m just feeling sorry for myself.

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19 Responses to Mother’s Day

  1. I’m so sorry. I can’t believe it. I really can’t, and I know what these kinds of people are capable of. Bubble bath for sure!

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  2. scr4pl80 says:

    Yes, have brunch for sure. Maybe think of some place that is a little farther away so they are late getting to the MIL? Maybe they’ll be having so much fun with you they won’t want to leave. Hard for the kids to have to choose. Sending hugs.

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  3. LA says:

    Book something for yourself! Or treat yourself to something!

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  4. Dwight Hyde says:

    Send her some flowers with the kids with a small note – Happy FUCKING Mother’s Day😀….okay that probably isn’t the “correct” thing to do but definitely is my first thought! Sending big hugs🤗🤗🤗❤️❤️❤️

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    • janieleeds says:

      I’m giggling Dwight! 🙂 While I can’t go with your first thought, it gave me such a giggle!! Thanks for the big hugs and sending big hugs back to you!🤗🤗🤗❤️❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  5. TJ Fox says:

    It is heartbreaking when your kids choose things that take them from you, especially when it is on a day that should be yours.

    Maybe try and find a compromise and ask them to have a nice breakfast with you or something. Sadly, this is something that your kids really should be thinking of on their own, but they are boys (and, yes, I am aware they are adults, but they are kind of behaving a bit like little kids, so…) and most boys tend to not really think about this kind of stuff without some prompting.

    I also don’t think there is anything wrong with telling them that their choice to spend a day that absolutely should be yours with their father instead of you is hurtful to you. Yes, it sort of puts them in a difficult position, but their lack of care for you is already doing that. Are they not aware of how hurtful this is or are they just oblivious because you are too nice to make them have to make a hard choice? If it is them being oblivious, you telling them that it hurts will make them see their actions with clear eyes and can maybe rethink their choices. If they are just doing it because they don’t really care that it hurts you, then that tells you something else entirely.

    But… telling them how you feel isn’t telling them they can’t still go spend that time with the other side of their family. You are still giving them that choice, which they should have, but you are ensuring that they are making a fully informed choice if you let them know how it makes you feel.

    And if they do decide to still go, do everything you can to fill them so full of stuff before they leave that they are incapable of eating a single bite at the old bat’s house and can’t really enjoy it. Yes, I really can get that petty.

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    • janieleeds says:

      Well TJ, your supportiveness is so evident as well as your kindness and understanding of the situation. I laughed aloud when I read ‘old bat’ because that’s how I refer to her (not within earshot of the kids though)!

      I am going to write a post about what happened when they came home, but bottom line was that between the two kids, they came to their own decision that they would stay with me. Funny that the ex-brother-in-law saw the kids and told them that there was no pressure for them to leave their Mom on Mother’s Day (which of course was pressure from his bother (their dad) and the old bat. At least someone showed compassion and didn’t want to make the kids feel as if they had to choose…

      I giggled at your pettiness! :). Thank you!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Jonathan says:

    There’s an old saying about being able to choose your friends, but not your family, isn’t there…

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  7. Ainsobriety says:

    I say fancy brunch and many posts about how lovely your Mother’s Day was, and that really every day is Mother’s Day because you kids are with you all the time, and that you plan to spend the rest of the day indulging in personal activities while the kids occupy themselves.

    And then do exactly that.

    I hate all fake holidays. Why do we create reasons for drama?

    Sunday is my sons 18 th birthday. So I suppose I will share Mother’s Day with him, lol.

    Don’t let evil people take the shine off your life. You are amazing.

    Anne

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    • janieleeds says:

      Happy 18th to your son Anne! And Happy early Mother’s Day to you too! I am sure you will share the holiday with him in a lovely way so that you’re all celebrated! After all, didn’t you give birth to him? 🙂 Doesn’t that add a double celebration for you? LOL.

      Love your ideas, thank you. Brunch would be great and a little pampering for me would help.

      I think you’re amazing too and thank you for being so kind and supportive. It means a lot!

      Liked by 1 person

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