I Don’t Want Him Anymore But

The ex showed up this week with a new girlfriend. Took him days to make a plan with the kids, but he wanted them to meet her, so they finally met last night. Luckily, the kids said she was way better than the last girlfriend he had them meet who was full of botox and fake. So that’s good. It’s easier when the kids like the ex’s girlfriend than not. They said they thought I’d actually like her which was nice. And weird. And nice.

I saw a photo of the ex with the new girlfriend on the kids’ phone. She looks normal which is a far cry from the last one. But it’s weird to see a photo of the ex now that I haven’t seen him in person in over a year. There’s little familiar about him. The fact that he’s put on weight I know can skew the visage as well, but it’s more than that. It’s that I don’t know him anymore after all the lies and hell he put me through and really, I don’t want to know him.

But it brings up a little melancholy and loneliness. I don’t really want to be alone, but I haven’t found anyone whom I want to be with either. With Covid, it’s been hard to meet people and I haven’t even really tried. I disliked online dating when I tried it pre-Covid so what’s a girl to do?

I think it’s easier for men to find a replacement after divorce. Don’t you? What’s your take on that?

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13 Responses to I Don’t Want Him Anymore But

  1. Beth W. says:

    I’m not quite to the point of dating yet, so don’t have much advice there. πŸ˜‰ I think maybe men are less “choosy”, though. From my (very) limited looks at the online dating scene, many of the men seem to be determined to find their “soulmate” right away. Personally, I think it will take a long time for me to trust anyone again, so when (or if) I’m ready to open up to anyone again, it’s going to take me a while and believe me, I will be much more choosy. Finding out that the one I thought was my “forever person” was confiding in another woman, possibly throughout our entire marriage, was a bit of a gut punch and one I won’t get over very soon. The advice I have been given is to go out and do the things I love and in doing so I may meet someone that loves the same things. Maybe. Maybe not. What I love is to putter in my flower beds and to feed the birds. Not too likely to meet someone while doing that πŸ˜‰ I’ve also been told that I’m “lucky” to not have to worry about someone else and that I can do the same things for myself that a man could do for me. Hmmmm…..in many ways that might be true, but I miss physical touch, hand holding, kissing. It is just scary thinking about starting from square one again. It helps to know I’m not the only one out here dealing with these issues, though. I look forward to seeing your progress πŸ™‚

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    • janieleeds says:

      Thanks for sharing Beth. I think it takes time to heal after a break up and to find yourself again – the authentic you that perhaps slipped away while you were married. I’ve been a work in progress, ups and downs, as I figure out what I want, who I am and how this next chapter unfolds all while still being a mom to 2 college kids who live with me full time. I think it’s easier when they leave and can live the single life without the ‘burden’ of kids in the house, but I wouldn’t change my circumstances for anything as I’d rather be the stable one for my kids and be their mom, in the house, than not have them with me. It wasn’t even a struggle. He didn’t want them. I don’t know if you have kids, or if they’re older, but it is a different circumstance when you’re ‘alone’ but not alone. I’m here if you want a friend. We can manage this next chapter together. πŸ’—

      Liked by 1 person

      • Beth W. says:

        I think we are all a work in process. My youngest started college last year but is home for the summer, which is wonderful. Kudos to you for being the stable one for your kids. This marriage was my second, so my three kids are from my first marriage which lasted 19 years and was thankfully with a person that is a much more caring, selfless person than my second husband. My oldest son is on his own, my second just moved in with me in April. He keeps to himself and works a lot, but I enjoy having the company. Hosting two exchange students for the upcoming school year will hopefully give me purpose and keep me off the dating sites πŸ˜‰ By that time maybe I will be ready to dip my feet in the pool again. I’m always happy for new friends! πŸ™‚

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      • janieleeds says:

        Welcome to our friendly group here Beth! Happy to meet new friends! I can’t wait to hear about your exchange students! It’s sounds like fun to me. I think that we just have to keep going and find our own happiness and the right pairing with arrive when it’s time. It’s a lot of working on ourselves to be happy with who we are before we can share our happiness. I love that you’re here…sending hugs!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. LA says:

    I think it’s easier for a man, because 1) the dating pool is larger and 2) some women don’t want to be alone and will lower their standards so to speak. My father in law has almost nothing positive about him yet hasn’t been without a girlfriend since his divorce

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  3. scr4pl80 says:

    Well, not divorced but IMO I think men may be less picky about replacements than women. I would think men just want someone to take care of them but women are afraid of getting hurt again so they take more time in their selection of a replacement. Also, it may depend on who left who in the first place. I know that I would not be in a hurry to get back in a relationship should anything happen in mine.

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    • janieleeds says:

      May yours stay good Janet. But thanks for answering my question. I agree with you. BTW he left because he ‘didn’t want to do this anymore’ as in being a husband/dad.

      Liked by 1 person

      • scr4pl80 says:

        LOL you know what? I have been divorced. We were only married for six months and he got an annulment. He said I was “too good for him.” I was hurt and angry but I guess he did me a favor. It’s been so long I guess I forget sometimes!

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      • janieleeds says:

        Good for you for being “too good for him” although I’m sorry that your marriage didn’t last, but perhaps all for the best! πŸ™‚ Thanks for sharing πŸ’—

        Liked by 1 person

  4. petespringerauthor says:

    I’m not sure I agree that it’s easier for men, though I can’t say since I’m happily married. More young people are meeting people through online dating sites. Navigating those waters could be tricky as some people are looking for a booty call rather than a serious relationship. Our son met his girlfriends through a dating site. They are awfully happy together, and I think this could be the one.

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