I spent all day yesterday with a friend who’s divorced. Although our kids were in school together, we weren’t friends. We met after the ex left me via mutual friends. Subsequently her marriage imploded and so we bonded. She’s doing well in the healing process but needed a little extra help so yesterday we spent a lot of time connecting the dots of how her childhood, her beliefs and what happened with the divorce could be processed in order to give her peace. I feel like we had a lot of ‘a-ha’ moments of clarity and when she left, I think she felt better. Sometimes you just need someone to be with you as you go through what happened and why, in order to put the puzzle pieces together and then rearrange them for this new life that’s here.
Because that’s what healing after divorce is about – gathering up the puzzle pieces of your old life to decide what you’re keeping and what you’re releasing – and then making a new image for the next chapter.
Her husband cheated and she found out. I don’t know for sure about my kids’ father because he didn’t get caught, but I’m pretty sure he did as well. There are too many questionable things that happened throughout the marriage that at the time I wasn’t able to understand. But time has a way of helping you to see what you didn’t want to back then. So I think it’s easier for me than it is for her. But we worked through that as well and luckily she sees the value in her life now without him which helps her to heal. But letting go of the Story of Us is hard for anyone who’s been left in a relationship, especially when the leaver won’t be honest. As hard as honesty is, I’d rather blunt truth than a string of lies, but that’s me. How do you feel about it?