Behind The Scenes

It was a bit of a rough last week here at Chez Leeds. Tons of stuff going on front and center with lots of behind the scenes crap being revealed. Changes in relationships, truths being revealed and the noticing of the subtle and sometimes, not so subtle, movement behind the scenes as puppeteers do their best to manipulate others. In other words, it hasn’t been a lot of fun.

While I can’t reveal all that’s been going on here, I can say that I think this is similar to what’s going on in the world at large as well. There’s a sleight of hand going on behind the scenes that needs to be revealed. I’m not really into conspiracy theories so I’m not going down the rabbit hole, but in general, I’ve got my eyes wide open and trying not to blink, so I don’t miss anything.

Because the truth comes out eventually. Even the best of narcissists can’t keep it together continuously. While they’re masters at manipulation, juggling all of those lies is increasingly harder. People are seeing the twists of truths, downright evasion of answers and blanks in their ‘stories’ more and more. I do my best to not live in fear because I don’t think that helps anyone. Keeping our energies higher heals more than it hurts. But keeping eyes and ears wide open, in my opinion, is a must.

What I’m trying to do is to stay grounded, centered and aware. I’ve noticed people are hurting and even though we are not quarantined anymore, some are quarantined in their thinking and this makes life hard for them. So I’m trying to keep channels of communication open along with infusing them with love and seeing the bigger picture. Because in the end, I don’t need to be right. I want to live with peace in my heart.

But it’s hard to stand by, trying to guide the kids while not revealing sources or knowledge that I have. I want to sweep in to fix it all, but I know this is a life lesson they need to have in order to grow, to learn and to be better people. But it stinks when they are afraid to admit to seeing the ‘writing on the wall’ and instead, turn a blind eye. And I get it. I did that same thing for years because I wanted to believe the narcissist, and if I did actually process what was written on the proverbial wall, my tender heart would fall apart.

I wish someone had sat me down earlier to make me read the wall, put the missing pieces into the puzzle and realize what was going on behind the scenes. But I was not ready to listen when someone did tell me early on. I couldn’t fathom the duplicity and it took me a long time to realize what I had known, but wouldn’t allow myself to really see.

If I’ve learned anything, it’s this: if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck and waddles like one, then it is. We can question what type of duck, how much of a duck it resembles, but it remains a duck all the same.

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4 Responses to Behind The Scenes

  1. Beth W. says:

    Oh, Janie, I feel for you. It sounds like a very challenging time! I am so thankful that I did not have kids with my narcissist and was able to go no contact. Having to deal with him because of the kids just sucks 😦 Stay strong!

    On a side note, I’m loving “Untamed”. I was just listening to the audiobook (read by the author….so cool) here at work and had to write down what she said about being brave: “Brave does not mean feeling afraid and doing it anyway. Brave means living from the inside out. Brave means in every uncertain moment turning inward, feeling for the knowing and speaking it out loud.”

    Sending all my positive thoughts your way! Remember “This too shall pass.” Life is hard, but you’ve got this!!


    • janieleeds says:

      Thanks Beth. I’m glad you didn’t have to endure what I have with my kids and the ex.

      I am so happy you are loving “Untamed” as I didn’t have time to read this weekend, but I’m going to try to catch up this week. I love the quote you wrote here…So inspiring!

      I’ve been working on my Knowing for a long time. It’s amazing how when we get quiet we can listen to ourselves…

      Thank you for your positivity! I appreciate you! Hope you have a wonderful week!!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. LA says:

    Thinking of you as you go through the duck pond….


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