Back In Town

Blech. The ex has moved back in with his parents even though he’s a bigshot in a company states away. He’s been gone and only rarely came ‘home’ for holidays for the last few years. It was a relief for me because I only had to be aware of his parents when I went out. But now he’s here and has been for the last few months which is disconcerting to me. I don’t want to run into him.

It is good and bad for my kids, our kids, because their dad is nearby. It’s good because they can go work out with him at the gym and every once in awhile they’re invited to the grandparents’ house to have dinner with them and their dad. I do relish a night off from cooking dinner! LOL

However, it’s not good because he’s now with some new girl (there have been a string of them) who’s local and he spends all his time with her. The kids were talking about how he was hiking last weekend with her and one of them said, “Yeah, but he’d never do that with us when he was here and alone and we wanted to spend time with him.” Indeed, he doesn’t ask them to do anything except meet up at the gym and most of the time, they invite him to go with them.

It’s so strange to me, but then again their relationship with their dad isn’t any of my business. That’s between them. The problem is that the kids talk with me and share how they feel about it and I feel badly. In the past, I tried to help them to bridge the gap with their dad, but now I just listen.

However, if your ex had moved back to town, wouldn’t you feel yucky if he were a hurtful narcissist with bizarre mommy issues with your ex-MIL (often referred to as Marie Barone from Everybody Loves Raymond)? At least I live 10 minutes away from them and can go to a different set of stores. But I know I’m not out of their reach. I’ve seen the ex-laws car pass by my house. Spying again I’m sure. It’s bizarre really.

Narcissists have a strange set of rules and being the ex-wife of one is not fun. Because they’re always watching even when you’re no longer part of their life. I happily went on about my life when he moved away. And I will happily (perhaps with a bit more trepidation) continue to live my life. I just dread the day I bump into him somewhere. Because he’s a loose cannon and I can’t predict him.

I’ve thought about the scenario because I’m a bit of a planner, a just in case I need to know what to do kind of girl. As long as it’s not a face to face encounter, I’ll not ‘see’ him if possible. That would be the best because then I don’t have to worry about any confrontation since he owes me a lot of money and he’s been a deadbeat dad. Sure, would I love to confront him with his new gf and let her know what he’s really like? Yes! But if you know malignant narcissists at all, you’ll know that this is a fight you’d never win for their manipulation of lies is extraordinary. It’s not worth it. Better that I continue with the law on my side and pursue the money stuff that way. And just go along my merry way not seeing him.

Because I really don’t want to see the smug mug on his face if he were with the new girlfriend who’s younger. The old me would have been saddened that I’d been replaced. Current me, although I need to lose a few pounds, wouldn’t care at all because I’m free of him! Of course, there’s that little voice inside of me that says, get those covid pounds off in case you see him. LOL not to get him back, but to feel more confident.

Wow, I’m all over the place today with this post. Sorry! Feel free to comment below if you’ve had any of these issues. Many of us have been there, put up with that and are still here!! LOL

This entry was posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50 and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to Back In Town

  1. LA says:

    Get the money he owes and then go to the next step

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Beth W. says:

    Oh, Janie, how frustrating! I feel for you! My ex lived 3 hours away, but apparently was in the area with the new squeeze playing tourist. Thank heavens I didn’t accidentally run into them. I completely understand comparing yourself to the new girlfriend, but the new girlfriend has a lot more dead weight and is the less fortunate of the two of you because she is with your ex. That is how I have tried to reconcile with my ex being with someone 9 years younger than me (13 years younger than him!!). I can’t compete with her, but every day I feel a little less resentment for her and a little more pity. It may be a while, but he can’t hide his true colors forever. I hope that you don’t run into them when you are out and about, but I hope if you just happen to that it’s on a “perfect hair day” when you are feeling confident and fabulous!! ❤ Sending hugs, positive thoughts and good vibes!! ❤ – Beth

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      In comparing myself to a younger girl, ok, I feel a little less than, but I also feel sorry for her because I know he’s difficult to deal with and I don’t think she’s figured out what’s going on with him. I don’t resent her at all because we’re divorced a few years now and she wasn’t the one who broke up the marriage. She’s just the latest ‘squeeze’ in a list of quite a few.
      But I still don’t want to run into them and if I do, from your lips to God’s ears, may it be on a ‘perfect hair day’!! Thank you! I am glad you didn’t run into yours either. Sending hugs, positive thoughts and good vibes to you too! ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  3. E.A. Wickham says:

    I feel for you. My dad and mom divorced when I was 20. We lived in a town of 5,000 people and he was seeing one of his employees. My mom was the office manager. Needless to say, I think my mom could sympathize with you. I know I can from being the daughter.

    Like

  4. TJ Fox says:

    The absolute best way to “get revenge” so to speak or just show him that he doesn’t have any kind of hold or impact on your is to live your life in the best way you can, being the happiest and the most content because you are doing what you want with your life. I’m sure it would make his day if he thought you were miserable without him. Don’t give him that.

    As to the whole running into him, I SO feel for you on that. After I split with my family, I dreaded going to the places where I knew I might run into them. I now have a family member working at a store that I frequent often and I absolutely hate it. I’ve taken to going to another store when I can, but it isn’t always convenient to do so. I know it shouldn’t bother me and I shouldn’t dedicate any emotional energy to them over this because it gives them some kind of power by doing so, but I just don’t want the drama of running into them face to face. I like my life to be as peaceful as I can make it. But living so close and having that potential of a run in is like walking around with a tiny rock in your shoe, but you can’t find it to take it out.

    Like

    • janieleeds says:

      I like your ‘revenge’ and yes, I am so much happier without him!
      I’m sorry you understand about the running into him (your family). Blech. I understand and I love your analogy – like a rock in the shoe. Exactly! That’s how I feel!! I like peace as well and I don’t want to run into them nor have to deal with any type of confrontation. But on the other hand, I don’t want to limit my life because of it. And the giving them power, well said. I don’t want to do that either!
      Thanks for understanding TJ. I’m sorry you do understand, but I appreciate your support and you have mine.
      PS So proud of you to have removed the toxicity from your life. You are courageous and inspiring to me.

      Liked by 1 person

      • TJ Fox says:

        It was so hard to cut out a such a huge section of my life and what formed the base for all my history, but my life is so much better now. Not just for me, but for everyone in my family. I still find myself amazed and how much my kids have blossomed since the split. I never saw how much they were being harmed by all the ugliness until it was gone. That is something that you can’t see until you can get a different perspective and is part of why it is so hard to take that step.

        Liked by 1 person

      • janieleeds says:

        But you took the step and succeeded, flourished and blossomed!! Not only you but your family. Thanks for the inspiration TJ! I am sorry you had to endure such heartache and pain, but I am glad that you’re here to share and to help the rest of us because we all need an inspiring story from someone who did it, who walked away from the toxicity and is better off for it. Your courage is amazing. Thanks for being you!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. bone&silver says:

    I’ve just spent 18 months avoiding my local (& VERY convenient) corner store because I don’t want to run into my ex (who I know goes there at least twice a day). It’s annoying, it’s also empowering, and now I’m getting bored of it… I want to be able to go wherever I want to go. So it seems I am the one who had to process my trauma, and gather my courage, then claim my space. I’m just about ready now. Only YOU will know when you are really ready, & it’s annoying it’s out of your hands because he’s moved back into the area. So allow yourself to feel unsettled, or insecure, then give your vulnerable self a big hug, a new haircut & a facial, then get ready to do whatever you want whenever you want! You’ve worked long & hard to be over him; don’t let this latest turn knock your confidence back to the beginning. 🙂 G

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      Thanks G! I’m sorry you have been dealing with similar issues. I guess we’ll just take our own advice and deal with it! 🙂 I am sorry you understand the situation because you have a similar one. I just want to knock myself on the head and say, “Self, wth? Who cares if you see the ex?” LOL easier said than done, but I will be determined. Big hugs G.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Letitgocoach says:

    I’m sorry but I don’t see ‘successful’ as moving in with your parents. 😂 I wouldn’t want to live 10 minutes away from any of them. I’d get the money owed and move into a new life somewhere else. Really, I’d probably move without the money because I was that determined to have a life I love. ❤

    Like

    • janieleeds says:

      I agree – his moving back in with his parents is not successful. LOL As for me, I had to stay in town because of the kids’ school. I couldn’t take them away from their friends. Money is an issue but hopefully this will work itself out. Thanks for being here. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s