I’ve talked about how I used to have to deprogram my kids after they spent extensive time with their dad and their dad’s family. It would take a few days to detoxify them and stand up to the one who seems to return from visits with a narcissistic snipe to him. This one in particular picks up on the ex’s narcissism so easily, speaking to me like his dad used to do. Which is something that I don’t tolerate well.
So Wednesday night, they ate dinner with their dad’s family since I had the kids on Thanksgiving. The day after Thanksgiving they spent the day together as well. I have no problem with it because it includes their whole family so my kids get to see their cousins on that side of the family.
This morning the kids come downstairs dressed to leave. I ask where they are going and the older one informs me that they’re going to their grandparents with the whole family to decorate the tree. Again this was a tradition which I have no problem with since they’ve been doing this since they were little. However, it always bugged me since once the kids decorate their grandparents’ tree, they don’t want to decorate ours.
I ask when they want to decorate our tree to which he replies that one tree is enough and he isn’t doing ours. I ask then why he’s going to the grandparents’ house and he tells me that she is making food for them. (You know I make all meals here, right?) I reply that I didn’t know that they were going and that I hope when they return we could decorate ours. He tells me that he’s not doing our tree. I remind him that it’s our family tree in our home. As I lean in to kiss him goodby, he tells me he doesn’t like the way I’m speaking to him with an attitude and a bit of a snear. So I turn away and kiss his brother and say goodbye.
I’m writing because I’m angry. I’m hurt. I’m aggravated with the dismissal. I know this is his picking up his dad’s family energy after spending so much time with them this week. Part of me wants to give him the silent treatment when he returns. Part of me wants to talk to him in a stern voice. Part of me wants to talk with him and explain how that behavior and attitude isn’t welcome here. Part of me wants to tell him to leave….
The joy of being an ex-wife of a narcissist…and working on being co-dependent no more.