Ok, so my last post about the cranky kid and detoxifying the kids after spending many hours with their dad and his family evolved into a bunch of different conversations with each of the kids over the past few days. Frankly, it’s been a bit exhausting, but good overall. A bit enlightening too which is always good.
- When cranky pants returned home, he acted as if nothing had happened between us. When I asked how the tree decorating went, it turns out they didn’t do it as they were given other jobs to help their grandparents and ran out of time to decorate the tree. He suggested we decorate ours on Thursday to which I agreed. I looked at my other son who winked at me. Hmmm…someone else called him on what happened. Additionally, I waited patiently until the right time later that evening and then I told him how I felt. He said that he had little recollection of how it went down because his blood sugar was low. However, he knew because he put his head on my shoulder while he was sitting next to me on the couch as if to say he was sorry and then apologized.
- Each of the kids came to me separately to point out that the other kid was acting like a narcissist and sounding like their dad. While I’ve not said their dad is a narcissist to them, they’re old enough to have found the term and they’ve talked about it between them. But it was funny that each came to me to tell me that his brother was ‘acting like dad’ and didn’t see it. So I took the opportunity to tell the other one how sometimes he does too in a gentle way. And when the eyes opened wide and reality set in, whoa…it was not what they had planned on hearing.
- Interestingly enough, each was contemplative and not angry that I mentioned a few instances where I saw/felt/experienced narcissistic behavior from them, not unlike how their father treated me and it was as if something clicked within them. I followed up with ‘yes, be like your dad in some ways, but not this one please’ because it’s not who you are. We made a lot of progress this weekend on that front which was good.
- The older one had car trouble too which ended with his dad passing the buck (as usual), but since this kid’s car isn’t in my name, I stood my ground to say no. Not that the ex talks to me at all, but ‘Dad said you can have the car towed’ was what was told to me. To which I replied, ‘No thanks. Not my car. I will help you to call to get yourself help, but this is on you and your dad.’ I helped the kid get his car towed and walked him through what he had to do with the dealership etc. but I refused to pay it. After his dad ignored him all day, the grandparents were kind enough to help financially for which I’m grateful. But the icing on the cake was that the ex-MIL (aka Marie Barone) made a huge deal of helping the kid because he doesn’t have a job yet and because ‘his dad is having financial trouble too’ which of course, set off warning bells in my head. I can’t go there right now though. I just have to be patient. But it was noticed, yet again, how their dad often lies and doesn’t help at all.
So it continues at Chez Leeds where I parent as things come up and I work hard to keep the three of us as a family unit, allowing each one their say, all while holding steady to what is important. Thanks for listening, being supportive and for all of your hugs. Sending hugs to all of you!