Good Parenting Read

I found this on social media and had to share it with you because it made so much sense to me that I felt it might help other parents. I hope you enjoy it.

“My Mom did not sleep. She felt exhausted. She was irritable, grumpy, and bitter. She was always sick until one day, suddenly, she changed.

One day my dad said to her:

– I’ve been looking for a job for three months and I haven’t found anything, I’m going to have a few beers with friends.

My mom replied:

– It’s okay.

My brother said to her:

– Mom, I’m doing poorly in all subjects at the University.

My Mom replied:

– Okay, you will recover, and if you don’t, well, you repeat the semester, but you pay the tuition.

My sister said to her:

– Mom, I smashed the car.

My Mom replied:

– Okay daughter, take it to the car shop and find how to pay and while they fix it, get around by bus or subway.

Her daughter-in-law said to her:

– Mother-in-law, I came to spend a few months with you.

My Mom replied:

– Okay, settle in the living room couch and look for some blankets in the closet.

All of us gathered worried to see these reactions coming from Mom.

We suspected that she had gone to the doctor and that she was prescribed some pills called “I don’t give a damn”… Perhaps she was overdosing on these!

We then proposed to do an “intervention” with my Mom to remove her from any possible addiction she had towards some anti-tantrum medication.

But then … she gathered us around her and my Mom explained:

“It took me a long time to realize that each person is responsible for their life. It took me years to discover that my anguish, anxiety, my depression, my courage, my insomnia and my stress, do not solve your problems, but aggravate mine.

I am not responsible for the actions of anyone and it’s not my job to provide happiness, but I am responsible for the reactions I express to that.

Therefore, I came to the conclusion that my duty to myself is to remain calm and let each one of you solve what corresponds to you.

I have taken courses in yoga, meditation, miracles, human development, mental hygiene, vibration and neurolinguistic programming and with all of them, I found a common denominator in them all…

I can only control myself. You have all the necessary resources to solve your own problems despite how hard they may be. My job is to pray for you, love on you, and encourage you, but it’s up to YOU to solve them and to find your happiness.

I can only give you my advice if you ask me and it depends on you to follow it or not. There are consequences, good or bad, to your decisions and YOU have to live them.

So from now on, I cease to be the receptacle of your responsibilities, the sack of your guilt, the laundress of your remorse, the advocate of your faults, the wall of your lamentations, the depositary of your duties, who should solve your problems or spare a tire every time to fulfill your responsibilities.

From now on, I declare all independent and self-sufficient adults.

Everyone at my Mom’s house was speechless.

From that day on, the family began to function better because everyone in the house knew exactly what it is that they needed to do.

.

For some of us this is hard because we’ve grown up being the caregivers and feeling responsible for others. As moms & wives we are fixers off all things. We never want our loved ones to go through difficult things or to struggle. We want everyone to be happy.

But, the sooner we take that responsibility off of our shoulders and place it back on to each loved one, the better we are preparing them to be MEsponsible.

We are not here on earth to be everything to everyone. Stop putting that pressure on yourself.”

Much Love,

Janie

(shared from a post)

This entry was posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50 and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Good Parenting Read

  1. Dwight Hyde says:

    I agree. It can be hard as hell at time, but it is indeed the best route. As I made way I often learned things the hard way and oh man did I learn. Experience trumps theory. I figure I’m not doing my kids any favors coddling them at this age. It’s time for them to learn about life and us to get along with ours. You have my complete support and admiration, Janie!

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      I’m grateful Dwight. Thank you for your support. It’s not easy being the only one here and trying to keep it all on an even keel. At this point, I need to let go and allow and let them make their mistakes. It’s a big lesson in my own self-control mind you because I don’t want them to repeat any mistakes I may have made and learned from, but that’s what life is full of – experiences! Good and bad…so cheers to 2022 – you may have to hold me back from fixing it all occasionally as I navigate it…virtually if you don’t mind. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. scr4pl80 says:

    Oh great story! I relate.

    Like

  3. bone&silver says:

    YES YES YES. This is what my Buddhist meditation teacher is always trying to convey, and the facilitators in Al-Anon as well! Focus on self, control no one else: Let Go and Let God (whatever your concept is) 🙏🏼

    Like

  4. petespringerauthor says:

    Great philosophy! Putting the responsibility on the person to make their own decisions and create their own outcomes is a healthier choice than stressing out about things we can’t or shouldn’t try to control. I love that our son is independent. He rarely seeks our advice. I don’t take that as an insult; I see it as a compliment to say we’ve done a great job raising a self-sufficient young man who takes pride in managing his own life.

    Like

  5. Pingback: Good Parenting Read

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