I’ll Tell The Kids When I’m Ready

I thought I was going to tell the kids the other day, but that didn’t happen. Puppy peed on the floor and one kid was so annoyed that I didn’t want to add to the chaos. And then also, because I don’t have a lot of answers as to when/what will happen, I figured I’d just keep it to myself. I will be telling them that they have to step it up around the house though…

Friday morning the doctor’s office called telling me I need a cauterization (cut through the right wrist) to go up and see how damaged the valve is. That’s step one. Then they go to the next steps so I’m feeling like surgery isn’t imminent, but instead will be a dragged out wait, watch, worry. Not that I want this surgery right now, but still….

I like to know things. I’m a planner. Line it up and tell me how it’s going to play out so I can get my head around it and do what needs to be done. I’ve always been like that, but I guess this is going to squeeze me out of my comfort zone of control. Ugh. I don’t like that possibility at all.

So I have to take things on their timeline (waiting on insurance to approve etc). and think I’ll get a second opinion in the meantime. The doctor in his practice that is supposed to do this looks really young and I can’t find much on him. I know I have a right to get a second opinion so I will do that. I don’t mean anything discriminatory about a young doctor, but I have to feel comfortable. We’ll see. I haven’t even met the guy yet…guess I’m kinda judging a book by its cover which I don’t like. So I have to get my head around the whole thing.

And that’s the issue, isn’t it? Getting thrown a curveball is bad enough, but then having to figure it out while still being the matriarch without support makes it all the harder. Of course, my friends have been amazing and supportive. They’re ready to take me to appointments, to listen with me and to drive me to the tests.

It’s hard to ask for help. I’ve always just done it myself after the divorce. I didn’t want to bother anyone else.

Update: so the hospital called last night to schedule the catherization which I had thought was to happen in time, not within a week. I registered with them for Friday, but it freaked me out because the doctor who is supposedly performing this, I’ve never met. And this was not what was told to me by the original cardiologist. It was supposed to be a CAT scan as the next step. So why am I having this procedure?

Much more research on the horizon. To tell you the truth, I’m already tired and the worrying isn’t helping me a bit. I took a nap yesterday and I think another one is in my future today. It’s just too much to handle at this point…and I’ve got to take it easy…

Hope you’re having a good weekend.