Thoughts In My Head

I’ve had a ton of brain MRI’s in my lifetime already. I’m no stranger to the loud clunking of the machine that no earplug has ever drowned out, nor the claustrophobia that is triggered when I’m not allowed to move for what seems like hours (even though it’s probably 50 minutes tops) encased in a coffin-like machine. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? Hopefully you never have to experience it. 🙂

But because I’ve been healthy for a long while now, it was a bit of a stunner to be back inside of it. Then to add that my heart isn’t doing well and I may be in for more surgeries and hospital visits and I started to get overwhelmed last night just remembering what I’ve gone through and potentially could be facing again. And I know I can get through it, but I don’t want to do it.

I’m praying for a miracle, for the reader of the tests to be wrong by some stroke of good luck. As it is, I’m still waiting for the results of the MRI after hearing that there’s something wrong with my brain waves on one side. Deep breath…and the patient waits.

Tomorrow I have the other cardiologist appointment, the second opinion which I confirmed today. They still haven’t received the echocardiogram from the first cardiologist so I hope that my call to confirm today will make sure that they get the results so they have the information needed to advise me. They said that they will call me if they can’t get the information by today. Fingers crossed they get it.

But it’s all overwhelming me. I’m already tired and I’m not doing anything really because I’m just too tired. Worn out even before it’s really beginning. Not a good sign. And yet, here I am. Still here. Whatever that means…

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11 Responses to Thoughts In My Head

  1. scr4pl80 says:

    Sending the most positive vibes I can muster your way, Janie.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Beth W. says:

    Oh, Janie, I feel for you. As Tom Petty sings, “The waiting is the hardest part.” It is exhausting not knowing. No wonder you are tired…..your brain has been in hyperspeed, no doubt, going through all the possible outcomes. Sending prayers and positive thoughts that tomorrow’s appointment with the cardiologist gives you answers and that you hear back about the MRI very soon. In the meantime, breathe in, breathe out and trust that God and your angels and those that have gone before you are watching over you and giving you support. Hugs! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      Thanks Beth…for everything…I keep trying to put it in God’s hands, but I’m having such a tough time. And to have read all the research of what’s ahead if open heart surgery is the only option, well, it’s beyond what I can wrap my head, heart, around at this point. Hugs ❤️

      Like

  3. KC says:

    Oh boy. Hang in there! Positive vibes as well. 🙂

    Like

  4. E.A. Wickham says:

    Prayers for you. I can’t imagine all the emotions and stress you’re experiencing.

    Like

  5. LA says:

    Thinking of you!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. bone&silver says:

    Sending love & support from the Australian rainforest, where tall trees gently sway, & watch our human dance of life with calmness ❤️

    Like

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