Crazy Dream

Last night I had this crazy dream (hence the title) which was that a friend was getting married and my group of girlfriends and I were all in her wedding. She had us all dressed in white short dresses that mimicked her gown instead of the usual bridesmaid dresses. By the way, this woman is already married and has been for decades which is weird. And we were all young, like in our late 20’s/early 30’s.

In the dream, I had to get ready and was running late (which isn’t unusual for me). But I also had a baby that I had to hold the entire time and it was the ex’s baby (not the kids we had together) and both of my parents (who are now deceased) were there and I was in charge of taking care of them as well. I remember that my parents were sick so that was hard, but they were also required to be at the wedding and that was a challenge.

When I awoke, I remembered so many details from the dream, but all I can now remember is the overall feeling – the feeling of being overwhelmed, responsible for everyone and everything and having the everyone mad at me for arriving late to the wedding without them realizing what I was juggling which was impossible.

What I’m thinking is that even in sleep my brain is trying to process this next chapter. And yes, I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m trying to nest (like before the kids were born) and get things settled in case I can’t do things after the surgery. I’m trying to remember to schedule bill paying, lawn care, trying to clean the house, get ready for people to be here in case they begin to stop by while I’m recuperating. I’m trying to get the kids on a schedule (not easy) and worrying about the dog.

I go through stages when I just cry from the stress and fear of it all. I think I need to release all the stressors that way which helps. Even though my brother will help and be the on point person for the doctors, I have to get everything done on my own. Luckily I have a few trusted friends who have offered to help me which is good. Because I’m tired normally, but lately, I can feel my heart palpitating from the stress more often and getting dizzy more often. I haven’t fainted in awhile which is good though so somehow I’m stopping the stress before I faint. Thank goodness. At least that’s good.

Let’s hope I can continue it.

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10 Responses to Crazy Dream

  1. Dwight Hyde says:

    Janie. My heart goes out to your heart. Definitely lean on your brother and friends and DON’T feel weird about it. My goodness this is what love is all about – giving and receiving. You have given given given and now is the time to receive. Take as much off your plate as possible. Seriously. Your focus needs to connect with the healing powers of love and light for your health. Realize some things may get pushed to this side and just won’t get done. That’s okay …more than okay. What’s most most most important is getting your health back! Do what you need to do to “connect” … take naps, read spiritual books, meditate, stretch, do yoga, take long baths, do whatever it is that works best for you, …whatever it is that can allow your heart to know it will get better very soon. Lean into and embrace thoughts of healing only. Everything else can just wait. You will get through this with new found wisdoms and a new approach to life. I truly believe.❤️‍🩹🤗

    Liked by 2 people

    • bone&silver says:

      Beautiful comment, I wholeheartedly agree ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      Thank you Dwight. It is easier said than done, but I am trying. I just feel as if I have to fit everything in now before it’s too late. So silly I know…but you’re right. I’m going to try to slow down today and just be, relax and calm myself down. I only had 4 hours of sleep last night (according to Fitbit) which isn’t surprising at this point. I can’t seem to get anything done for my focus is woozy and sleep evades me because my brain’s anxiety isn’t helping. Ok, I will receive receive receive to the best of my ability. Another friend said something similar and so I believe you both. Thank you 💝🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Beth W. says:

    Oh, Janie, I can just tell that your poor brain is in overdrive mode trying to make sure everything is settled before the surgery. Sending calming, restful vibes so that you have the strength to get through this. ❤


  3. hbsuefred says:

    Try to look forward to how much better you’ll feel, how much more energy you’ll have and how much more of a healthy life you’ll have in front of you after you get this done. Maybe that will help?


    • janieleeds says:

      Good thinking…I do try to do this, but I get waylaid by the overwhelmingness of the surgery. I’ve been through a ton of them already and recuperating is never a strong point for me. But that way of thinking doesn’t help in the long run, so I will go with yours – I will feel better, more energetic and what a healthy happy life I’ll have with many more years ahead of me…I know I just repeated what you wrote, but I wanted to do it again so that I remember…thank you so much! 💕


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