I Dropped Off

I feel like I’ve been dropped off the face of the earth. As tired as I am from the surgery and subsequent painful healing, I don’t feel like myself anymore. I’m in this weird transition phase (for lack of a better word) and I can’t seem to explain it.

I am just existing. Perhaps that gives you an inkling into what I’m experiencing. I spend the day in the family room at my home with the kids upstairs taking care of the dog. Netflix and me chill out for hours with my butt on the new recliner waiting for the dog to bound down the stairs to go outside for a potty break or the kids to tell me they’re hungry or for them to check on me with meds or taking my BP (blood pressure) because I can’t do it myself.

Otherwise, there’s nothing. And I have no interest in talking to friends really. I used to be on the phone all day, all night, chatting happily to friends. But now? Nah…I don’t know what to say. I’m just trying to get through the day.

Maybe I’m depressed, I don’t know. I feel like nobody understands me because how could they? They haven’t been through this and I can’t really explain how I feel. I just don’t care really and that’s so not me. People are nice to me and I’m like, that’s nice. I’ll send a thank you note. But otherwise? Nothing.

I’m flatlining…heart pun, heart joke. Get it? Bad joke really. But you know what I mean?

I’m tired. I’m bored. I’m sad. I don’t know what to say anymore. I don’t understand what this is that I’m going through at all. It’s so not like me. Then again, who am I anymore?

Back to the drawing board Janie…I guess at 55 we’ve got to find our authenticity again….want to ride with me anyone?

This entry was posted in finding happiness at 50, health, heart and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to I Dropped Off

  1. Hi Janie… just popping by after reading your post to say YES I know how you’re feeling! I blogged about feeling down and unfulfilled and that life had lost its way and it’s meaning only last week. So when you say you’re sad, and down, and tired… I really know what you mean. Just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. Here if you need to vent xx

    Like

  2. E.A. Wickham says:

    I think a lot of what you’re feeling has to do with your surgery and recovery. You haven’t healed yet and you are not yourself. Take care and in a few weeks I bet you’ll be feeling better about who you are and will want to talk to friends.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. scr4pl80 says:

    It’s not surprising you feel like this, you’ve been through some major stuff! Give yourself time to heal and rest. Sending good thoughts your way!

    Like

  4. petespringerauthor says:

    I expect that as you begin to heal your spirits will improve. Your body has gone through a lot.

    Like

  5. LA says:

    You are allowed to have a little pity party. You are recovering from a tough, stressful experience. It’s ok

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s