I’m Fine

It’s the kiss of death to hear someone say” I’m Fine.” At least for me because depending on how those two words are said, well, let’s just say there’s a world of difference!

Of course we’ve all probably seen those memes or comics where a wise man warns another man to watch out for when she (girlfriend/wife) says “I’m fine” because it means anything but she’s fine. I know that I’ve said I’m fine when I wasn’t. Haven’t you?

So why do we say, “I’m fine” when we aren’t. Well, speaking for myself, here are some reasons why I’ve said I’m fine when clearly I was not:

1.I’m having a hard time and don’t know how to explain it.

2 I’m overtired and just can’t be bothered.

3. I’m afraid that I will upset or anger the person asking if I tell them why I’m not fine. (Probably because I’m afraid they won’t take it right – they’ll be defensive or mad or whatever)

4. I wonder if why I’m not fine isn’t enough – in other words, I’m unsure as to how the listener will take my answer – will they poo poo it as it’s not such a big deal? Even though they’re my feelings?

5. It feels too big to explain.

6. I’m not quite sure how or what I’m feeling so I’d rather not talk about it right now.

7. I doubt the listener will understand or react the way I need them to react (which is with kindness and compassion) so I shake it all off and work hard to pretend I am really fine until I can be alone to cry.

8.I know it will cause a fight if I say what I really want to say.

9. I really am fine and am wondering why the listener got the wrong message. So then I ask them, “Are you ok?” and wait for their answer…

10. I don’t believe the listener will get it so I don’t even try.

Have you ever said, “I’m fine” when you weren’t? I feel as if a lot of people use the “I’m fine” in order to escape sharing their feelings and as I just learned it’s National Suicide Prevention Day, I’m here to tell you that not speaking up when you’re not fine not only hurts you, but others who care about you. I’ve had a few people in my life who have chosen to take their own lives and it’s been so hard on all of us who were left wondering if we could have made a difference in some way. Especially the family who live with the leftover feelings that run the gamut from guilt, blame to anger, resentment to fear, despair etc.

Please, get help if you’re feeling that way. Please, allow those who love you to help you. Please, don’t do it. We’re here for you. You are not alone. Ever. God bless.

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17 Responses to I’m Fine

  1. Maybe we can learn to ask a better question, rather than simply, How are you doing?

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  2. LA says:

    In our house Fine means something’s wrong or it’s not fine….😆

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  3. petespringerauthor says:

    Great post, Janie! I kept nodding my head after each one on your list. I think some people (myself included) say, “I’m fine” because we somehow believe saying we’re not fine reflects poorly on us, which is pretty ignorant. “I’m not fine” is the first step to getting help.

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  4. I lived years telling people I was fine when I wasn’t. The voice in my head beating me daily with no one cares. Everyone has their own lives and do not want to listen to you wine. You are useless. So I get telling people you are fine when you do not feel it.

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  5. Barb says:

    Fine stands for- Feelings Inside Not Expressed. 💚

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