Part Deux As Promised

My kid walked away for a few minutes and I settled down after I got my heart and mouth under control after our last conversation. Allowed…that word just did it for me as it did for many of you who commented on it. Yup…allowed….as if I were under her spell. Uh…big fat NO!!!

So the reason this is coming up is because apparently the ex’s girlfriend (with whom I have no problems) was excited because he and I are supposedly “friends” – you know that saying, keep your friends close and the narcissists closer? LOL Anyway, she has been waxing poetic to the ex-MIL about how during the holidays she and her ex and his family get together still and are friendly. So that’s why the ex-MIL has the idea that I’m now ‘allowed’ to attend if I “ask” to be invited. BUT…Ask to be invited? LOL Not on her life….ever…

But the kid has it in his head that we’re all going to be a happy family. Ugh. No thank you…there was a time, long, long ago when I would have loved to have been invited, to have had us all be comfortable enough to sit down together nicely. But too much has passed, too many lies, manipulations and the deadbeat ex has happened along with having to take him back to court to pay what he owed for the kids.

Sorry I got off track. You wanted to know Part Deux…

Out of the blue, the kid comes back in for dinner and declares that he’s going to get his wife to sign a prenup when he gets married because when she cheats, he won’t have to give her half of his stuff.

My jaw dropped again. I looked at him startled because a) where did that come from? and b) was that about me???

What are you talking about?

Well Mom, I’m going to get her to sign a prenup because if she cheats, then I don’t have to give her half of everything.

Where did this come from? Why are you saying this out of the blue?

Because mostly it’s women who cheat and I’m not giving up half of my stuff to a cheating wife.

You’re not even dating anyone. Why are you thinking this? And besides, who said it’s only women who cheat?

(I know full well that this is from ex-MIL’s mouth as he wouldn’t be thinking this way) AND while I never said their dad cheated, they know I didn’t because the kids remember how devastated I was when he left. And let’s face it, they know me. And they know their dad and who he is. They saw the condoms the first weekend he moved out.

But the kid and I went toe to toe about who cheats in a marriage and who does it more. And I made sure to remind him that it wasn’t me who came home from a business trip and suddenly realized he lost his wedding ring. (true story) Can you say I wore rose-colored glasses and was blindly in love because I didn’t want my kids growing up in a divorced house? Yes, and I’m not proud of it either….the writing was on the wall…I just didn’t read it.

Men cheat. Women cheat. Cheaters and liars cheat. If you’re insinuating in some way, shape or form that I cheated, you are dead wrong and can leave this house, young man.

I’m not saying you Mom, but let’s face it. Women cheat while the guy’s at work and then all the hard work, all that he’s worked for, he has to split with her and it’s unfair.

I froze in my tracks. Not much has me speechless, but this did. This was from the mouth of the ex-MIL spouting off what she knows nothing about except from maybe Dynasty or some soap opera or her own poisoned mind.

I think you’re wrong. For the record, I wasn’t the one who cheated in our marriage And I take offense to your false accusations about your maybe to be wife. Where is this coming from?

Well, Grammie and I were talking…

I wheeled around to face him so fast as I had been putting the finishing touches on dinner.

Grammie…I purposefully let out the biggest disgusted sigh I could manage. I should have known…I threw up my hands in disgust. He was clueless to my response.

Yeah, she said…(and as he continued to drone on about the almighty Grammie and her proclamations about women, I wasn’t listening anymore. I had already tuned out fearing a heart attack from my blood pressure spiking over that (b)itch’s conversation with my son). He finally stopped and took a breath. There was silence. I wondered if he had asked me a question for I hadn’t been listening at all, so caught up in what I was going to say to him.

Well, for the record, as you well know, your dad left. I didn’t cheat. We were married for more than 20 years and your biased notions of marriage, cheating and splitting the assets upon divorce are incorrect. They are based on someone else’s erroneous thinking. I will advise you to think for yourself when you are in a relationship. And for the record, you need to have assets to protect in order to even begin to think of a prenup so you’d better start working and making some money if she has to sign a prenup and additionally, you need a girlfriend to marry.

Startled, he stood there looking at me as I had delivered my soliloquy quickly, firmly and without fanfare.

Uh, ok Mom. I was just sayin’ He was knocked off his game of spouting what Grammie had said about marriage, divorce and cheating.

We went on to have an ok dinner, but I couldn’t rest until I figured out the prenup business. Why would this be coming up? And that (b)itch knew I didn’t cheat, so what was all that about? Was the ex thinking of getting married to the new girlfriend and that’s where the prenup comes in? Because upon his parents’ death, he gets millions…but they’re not dead…

I struggled for a bit trying to figure it out and then I threw in the towel. Who the heck cares? Why waste time on the narcissist ex family? I mean really? I had to reign myself in because she was gaslighting me and taking up excess space in my brain. What’s that line – renting space in your head?

Anyway, that was Part Deux for those who were interested…the ex-MIL is a piece of work, isn’t she?

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18 Responses to Part Deux As Promised

  1. Ruth says:

    I can’t begin to describe how full of rage I would be in that situation. I’m really angry just reading it. Every instinct in my body would be to keep my kids away from someone like that. I’m so sorry you had to hear that. My hope is you are honest with your son so hopefully he will learn your morals and honesty rather than whatever she has to offer.

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      Sorry to enrage you Ruth…thank you for your support. I am honest with my kids, but the ex-laws have a lot of money (which I don’t) and so ex-MIL leverages that to her advantage. Much like ransoming their Christmas gifts, she does the same with a trust fund that she withholds whenever they aren’t doing as she wants. It’s pretty substantial so they abide by her even though sometimes they’re just pretending. Which I don’t like because of what that represents, but on the other hand, I don’t have that kind of money and as long as they know and understand truth and what’s going on, then at their ages, they can proceed at will and play her at her own game if that’s what they want. But I don’t condone it at all…I always tell them to take the high road and not get messy with her because she’ll win. She’s been doing this her whole life and is well-practiced. And it’s wrong on so many levels…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. LA says:

    Mother in laws…

    Like

  3. Beth W. says:

    Wow! What a manipulative, awful person that woman is. How sad that she is trying to inject her poison into your son. 😦 I agree that keeping from letting all of that mess take up space in your head is the best thing, but not always easy to do. I just received a text message from my ex’s new lady love telling me that they never cheated, I’m not over him and the entire divorce was all on me. Ok…. Then she “accidentally” sent me a text that was supposedly meant for someone else with pictures of them on a cruise, at Universal Studios and at a football game saying how wonderful he is and how she can’t wait for me/recipient of the text to meet him. I didn’t respond to either message because she wouldn’t be receptive to what I had to say anyway. Luckily for me, I can block her and delete the messages. Your situation is much more complex with the ex MIL. You are doing a phenomenal job of remaining calm through all of her gaslighting/bulls*%$. 😉 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      Thanks Beth. I’m so sorry you’re going through this with the new gf – boy has your ex gotten in her head and she’s believing it all. How sad for her and how manipulative of him. I guess she still thinks of you as a threat…interesting isn’t it? Especially when you’re divorced and not dealing with him at all. I always wonder about those types of women who feel threatened by the ex – to me it’s like, he’s all yours honey. Good luck. Good riddance. And I’m sorry but I hope you wake up soon…You’re smart to not respond…and to see that her ‘accidental’ is a weak try to get to you. Stay strong. Big hugs.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Beth W. says:

        Thanks so much, Janie! Yes, after what we went through with our exes, if the new “loves” could see how happy we are to be off the roller coaster, they wouldn’t worry at all. Seeing the pictures surely didn’t make me want him back. It made me pity her. 😦 Big hugs back to you. Hopefully the ex MIL will stop trying to still control you. (Not likely, I know, but sometimes miracles happen. 😉 )

        Like

      • janieleeds says:

        LOL Thanks Beth! I believe in MIRACLES! Maybe he’ll be an “orphan” like me – with both parents passed so there’s no MIL to be found! Either way, HE won’t be a narcissist and that will make all the difference! 🙂 Glad you’ve found yours! 💕

        Like

  4. petespringerauthor says:

    I’m afraid it takes two to cheat. The other man or woman does not get a pass here either.

    Like

  5. Ainsobriety says:

    I’m sorry. My ex mil is a nice little lady who would never say anything bad about me.
    I think everyone knows my ex wasn’t the easiest to live with and his behaviour shocked them all. Except my mom….who still likes him more than me. Sigh.

    I hope your son thinks some about marriage and sharing and trust. None of it is simple.
    Anne

    Like

  6. hbsuefred says:

    Not going to go into a lot of detail though I am at present pouring the whole sad sage out on paper which is supposed to help me get over it. Suffice to say idiot ex also accused my mom of “buying love.”

    I used to do this, too, and in relation to her mother, but that’s only one reason it took him so long to finally tell me the whole truth and that he should have let me go (or more correctly pushed me out) a long, long time ago. He had an opening to do it then, just not the balls.

    Anyway, my final point is what I realized after sadly confirming that daughter will be once again visiting him and new wife for Xmas. I think being under the same roof with them, the roof I used to sleep under with him though not in the same room (and I have many reasons which I also putting down on paper) makes daughter uncomfortable.

    I promised her before not to ask her about him but when she asked me to tell her why I’d been crying I had to tell her the truth, that I’d found out about this quicky marriage. She hadn’t told me but didn’t ask me how I knew.

    I hadn’t meant to send the text I drafted which said “It’s kind of hurtful to think I could be so quickly and easily replaced. I’m just glad you won’t be stuck taking care of him when he gets sick and falls apart again.” After I apologized for sending it she said she was sorry and that she just wanted us both to be happy. After that, I just couldn’t tell her I’m not sure I ever will be again. On top of that, I’m not sure he ever can be or will be happy, either

    I really think what most upsets me is that I didn’t expect to have endure and experience all these age-related pains (and potential joys) on my own and by myself, even though I still have both my kids and my friends to help me. Of course, I don’t care about him, but sadly she does, and I’m still (selfishly) hoping beyond hope that he will drive her away as he did her sister and me along with most of his family and, I’d guess, his previous two wives.

    Like

    • janieleeds says:

      Karma has a way of doing what we cannot. The only part we can control is ourselves and how we act/react to those around us. If I may give you advice, I would remind you to keep conversations and connections with your family and let him go. Each of us has our own journey and we are responsible only for ourselves. He will get what he is due in time. Try to concentrate on building a new life, a new chapter with all the people and things that bring you joy. I am sorry it has taken me so long to write back to you. I haven’t been on WP in a long time

      Liked by 1 person

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