I lived among the relics of my defunct marriage for years. Getting divorced, selling the house and moving the teenagers and me into a new place within the space of a week was overwhelming. I took it all. Whatever he left behind, I picked up the pieces and dragged them with me. Because I had no choice. When you sell a house, it all has to be removed. Every piece of furniture etc. has to go so that they new people have a clean slate.

Unfortunately, I didn’t move with a clean slate. I was bedraggled. When you read my first Janie posts, you’ll see it. I was a mess! Trying to figure out life and not being successful at it. I was lost. Betrayed. And didn’t even know the half of it at the time.

But I’ve recently moved again. And as I sit here at 6am in the quiet, I am reminded that now…this is my life. Not anyone else’s anymore. Mine. I know that sounds silly, but it’s been someone else’s priority in my life for my entire life. I always put myself on the back burner and put everyone else’s needs/wants/comfort ahead of mine. But no more.

This new rental shows it. It’s white and airy with just enough room for the kids, the pets and me. I have large bedroom suite that’s all mine and I love it! It’s a home that beckons friendship. Beckons to old friends, new friends and soon to be friends.

Before moving here I was hell bent on getting a new bedroom furniture set for myself, having been sleeping on the same mattress and with the same marital furniture for years after the divorce. But moving it here, made it a non–entity. It’s just furniture. Plain and simple. No longer does it hold over me the remnants of a failed marriage.

So instead of spending money I don’t have to prove that it means nothing, it just became nothing, rather overnight I must say! It’s like POOF – it’s just furniture. It’s a place to sleep that I can decorate as I wish…

Such a huge difference in my life…such a healing…such a new chapter!

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10 Responses to Moving…

  1. Good morning! Reading this was like reading my own story. The part of about always putting self, wants and needs on the backburner while caring for everyone else. It took me a bit but within the last two years or so I have begun decorating the way that I want to. I have color. I have plants. I have a mess that is all my own. Piles of books on my coffee table and notebooks on the floor. My ex would be having a cow demanding that I clean up and remove anything from sight.
    I believe that my home is more a reflection of who I want to be. Who I have always been. I just stuffed her down because of the expectations and what everyone else thought I should be. Because that is what happens when we are girls. We are told/taught that everyone else comes first and we are second.
    I love my light. I love my color. I love me.
    And never would I return to the old, colorless me.
    Have an awesome Sunday! šŸ™‚


  2. scr4pl80 says:

    The new place sounds great! Glad that you were able to accomplish it. Hows the heart?


  3. The V Pub says:

    Best of luck on your new apartment and chapter of your life.


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