Rise Above

It’s a new year filled with anticipation for what’s in store.  I’m not one for resolutions, having kept few of them in the past.  I prefer to go with the flow.  So this year, I am concentrating on keeping my floaties on (those arm bands that kids wear in the water) so that I don’t drown no matter what happens.

Going with the flow doesn’t mean I’m aimlessly predicting 2019.  Nope, far from it.  But what I am choosing is how to deal with the ups and downs in the year ahead.  I’m not drowning.  And I will keep those whom I love afloat as well.

My floaties represent a lot to me this year.  Protection, authenticity, courage, positivity, love, being centered, going with the flow, and rising above all the debris that swirls underneath the surface.

That’s my plan.  Rise above.  I can only control me (and my kids to a certain extent).  But everyone else is on their own path and I’m not in charge anymore.  I was raised to be responsible for everyone and everything, but now that I’m divorced and over 50, I’ve chosen to decrease my responsibility list to my kids and to me.  I am healing from the co-dependence and narcissistic abuse that I endured in my past.  And it feels good!

It’s hard to stay hands off because my first instinct is to help others, but it’s not always received well.  So, I’ve backed off with my former husband who’s suffering with a recent late stage diagnosis of cancer and his crazy family.  I’ve said my peace, offered help and now I allow whatever is to happen to happen.  This is a huge step for me in letting go and I’m not finding it easy.

However, I’m finding that keeping the image of wearing floaties helps a great deal.  I imagine myself as a young girl, carefree in the ocean without fear because I have my floaties to protect me.  Most importantly, in this very moment, I have peace.

So if you’re stumbling into 2019, take heart.  These are uncertain times for sure.  We can’t control anyone or anything except ourselves.  Make the best of your life by finding who you are, authentically being yourself and feeling gratitude for the freedom that each experience brings with every choice you make in your life!

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Posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50, inspiration, love | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

Thanks For The Liebster Award

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RULES:

  1. Acknowledge the blogger that gave it to you and display the award.  Thank you to CopyPowerBlog!
  2. Answer 11 questions that blogger gives you.
  3. Give 11 random thoughts about yourself.
  4. Nominate 11 blogs and notify them of their nomination.
  5. Give these blogs 11 questions to answer.

 

QUESTIONS ASKED BY CopyPowerBlog:

  • What do you think are the qualities of blogger that makes him unique?
    > Connecting with readers and other bloggers.
  • What one thing will you advise young generation ?
    > Watch what you put out there in social media.
  • What does friendship mean to you?
    Friendship is a trust between two people and I treasure my friends.
  • Best memory of your life
    > I have too many to only choose one!
  • What do you think about country ‘India’ and Indians?
    > I’ve never been to India but I’d love to visit.  I’m not quite sure what this question is asking though.
  • How do you judge a person (in general)?
    I try not to judge a person, but instead see their their integrity, compassion and kindness.
  • What are your views on gender equality?
    Unconditional equality for genders (men and women).
  • Your favourite person (the one you love or adore).
    > My kids.
  • Your passion in life is ___
    > Connecting with people.
  • What is your concept of good and evil?
    > The dichotomy of good and evil keeps the balance of free will.  Often evil gives us lessons that good can’t.  I prefer the triumph of good over evil.
  • 11. Your favorite beach is _____.
    > Any beach as I love being there.

RANDOM THOUGHTS:

  1. I am a work in progress, learning to love myself and everyone else unconditionally.
  2. I enjoy traveling and eating out!
  3. I am very affectionate and love to hug.
  4. I believe we are all connected energetically.
  5. I am working on letting go of worry.
  6. I smile at strangers in the grocery store and sometimes even talk with them.
  7. I enjoy reading all different genres except horror & gore.
  8. I have a bunch of favorite movies that when I need a pick me up, I watch them.
  9. I am bilingual.
  10. I dislike confrontation and when people act ugly.
  11. I’m a divorced mom who loves her kids.  They are the best part of my life!
  12. I love the numbers 11 and 1234 and I see them often!

 

NOMINATING THESE BLOGGERS:  Surely, I can think of 11 bloggers, but I don’t want anyone to feel left out.  So please, feel free to know that I nominated you!  If you choose to accept this award, please link to me so that I know you’re doing it!  I would love to see your answers!

My questions for these nominated bloggers:

  1.  Why do you blog?
  2.  What’s the food you most like?
  3.  What’s your comfort music or favorite song?
  4.  Name one of your favorite books.
  5.  How do you feel about making New Year resolutions?
  6.  Is your glass 1/2 full?  1/2 empty?  Or are you just grateful for the glass?!
  7.  Do you have a favorite season?  What is it?  Why?
  8.  Do you have a hidden talent?  Please tell!
  9.  Do you sing out loud when you hear a favorite song?  Or do you just hum along or sing in your head?
  10.  Do you have a favorite day of the week?  (Mine’s Sunday!)
  11.  Do you believe in miracles or the unexplained?

Once again, thank you to CopyPowerBlog. This nomination was so much fun to do and I appreciate being nominated!

Love to All, ♥

Janie

Posted in award, finding happiness at 50, inspiration, love | Tagged , , , , | 6 Comments

Evolve Or Revolve

I’ve been reading today and trying to choose how my 2019 will be.  What finds me so happy is a full blank book of days to fill as I choose.  At first being divorced had me squandering my time, spinning my wheels in confusion and angst along with doing what I could to engage healing.  But the final blow to end the confusion with trying my best to co-parent and to stay friendly with my former inlaws was severed by them recently and I am no longer looking back.  I accept their decision, much as I accepted his (after time) and I look forward to breathing again in my own space.

So, I am released, just as I was in my marriage.  I have a hard time letting go as you may have noticed in reading my blog.  I was never the girl that liked goodbyes, even though they signify a new beginning or adventure.  It’s not so much as liking to live in the past, but more of not giving up on people, situations, places without trying my best to help to heal them and me.  What I learned in 2018 and not always in an easy way, was that I only control me.  I am only responsible for me.  I cannot choose how people see me or decide anything about me.  I can only continue to be me, to improve me and to increase my healing as I evolve.

So that’s what I’m saying to you too.  We have two choices:  EVOLVE or REVOLVE around the past.  Revolving and repeating the past doesn’t interest me.  So after all I’ve been through, I choose EVOLUTION!  What about you?  Would you like to join me on a new adventure?

Posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50, inspiration | Tagged , , , , | 11 Comments

Goodnight 2018

Well, it’s been a bumpy ride this year and when I put my head on the pillow tonight, I’ll be happily saying goodnight to 2018.  What I know is that I did my best through the hard lessons and even if I made a few mistakes along the way, they were never intentional.  They were simply mistakes that meant no harm.

I let go of my former husband and our story.  I let go of his toxic family.  I let go of those who I walked on eggshells around because life’s too short.  My former husband is still here and I wish him healing through his cancer.  Whatever his lessons may be, they are his and not mine.  My kids are still with me.  We are even stronger than we were a year ago and closer than ever.  They walk the line between their parents unfortunately, but they know they are loved and supported.  I would change it if I could, but they have complete freedom to be with their dad and they don’t choose to do that often.  While that breaks my heart for them and for him, it’s not my lesson to experience.

I can’t wait to wake up to a brand new year filled with possibility.  I want to embrace myself this year.  And stop being sorry for things I can’t control.  I want to do what makes me happy more often without worry about what people think of me.

I want to continue to be more authentically Janie…and I wish that you are more authentically you in 2019 as well!

Posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50, love | Tagged , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Life Is Short

I haven’t been online in a few days.  It’s been a whirlwind of emotion so forgive me if I’m not writing coherently, but I need to share in a safe place.  My former husband is currently in the hospital in surgery, emergency surgery, serious issues.  My kids are in turmoil emotionally as am I, although I am out of the loop in his family unit.  Most likely it’s cancer that he ignored for a long time and I’m not sure what the Dr. will find, but it doesn’t look good.  My kids found out recently when they thought they were going to see their dad and grandparents on a scheduled visit.  Instead, their grandparents told them that their dad was hospitalized the night before and that they were going to see him after they went on a previously scheduled family day trip.

The kids came home after a full ‘family fun’ day followed by a visit to the hospital with a convoluted story of what’s wrong with him and how he ended up in the hospital.  None of it made sense, but when I asked further, they didn’t know details.  They seemed concerned, but not scared.

Fast forward to early this morning when my former husband’s father called me.  I guess because the kids weren’t answering, he called me.  (They were asleep).  He gave me little information but said that my former husband was going into surgery asap and so the kids had to come right away to hospital to see him before the operation.  I complied; woke the kids up and sent them to the hospital.

In the meantime, I texted my former husband telling him that I am sorry to hear he was ill, that I am keeping him in my prayers and ended with ‘you are loved,’ because I’d been with the man since I was in my early 20’s and I guess there’s a small part that still loves him (even though I don’t want him back).  He acknowledged my text with a ‘thanks’ which is more than I’ve heard from him in awhile.

I’m sad for him and his family and I’m sad for my kids.  Maybe this will be a wake up call for him to connect again with his kids and himself.  I’m scared that he won’t make it through the surgery.  I’m praying for a good outcome.  And on Christmas Eve?  It’s a lot of emotional turmoil here.  I’m staying strong for the kids and only cried when they left the house for awhile.  No need to have them worrying about me.  I have to be their rock no matter what happens.  Can you just say a little prayer that my kids will be ok?  Thanks for reading…

Posted in divorce, love | Tagged , , , , , | 22 Comments

I Broke Up With My Hairdresser

So I broke up with my hairdresser which was hard.  I don’t particularly like change, but I felt like I needed to do something different.  I had been with the same stylist at the same salon for over five years which is a long time, especially since I have a lot of grey hair so I’m there often!  Because who wants to look over 50 if we can help it, right?

We were friends and from time to time we saw each other socially.  But over the last few visits when I mentioned the hair dye product staining my scalp and walking out of the salon with the undeniable signs of just having my hair dyed, it fell on deaf ears.  That bothered me.  If I’m spending big bucks, I want to enjoy the feel good of just done hair instead of having to go home and wait until the dye stain goes away in another day.  Or having the scrub my hairline myself.  What’s the use of having a blow out when you have to go home?

Then, when I wanted to change up my color (because I’ve done it in the past), she didn’t agree.  I showed her a photo of me years ago (before she was my stylist) saying I wanted to return to this and I suggested highlights to cover the greys (because that’s what I used to do).  Instead, she gave me balayage which didn’t have the same effect I was looking for.  So a friend nudged me to try a new salon to see if I could achieve the look I was going for but not getting.

And guess what?  I’m now rocking blonde instead of the dull brunette I’d been and I’m loving the new look!  I feel so much happier!  Even better, I’m spending less money to hide the greys without the tell-tale dyed scalp!  I feel like a new woman!

But then my original stylist texted me asking where I’d been and I felt guilty.  Have you ever had that sinking feeling?  Like you have to tell them and you don’t want to?   I didn’t know how to tell her because I was afraid she’d take it badly.  And she did.  While I was honest and kind, she’s hurt and I understand.

But on the other hand, at this age, I should get what I want…and if it’s not working for me, then I have to get out of my comfort zone and just say No thank you in the kindest way possible.  It’s kinda like when I got a new trainer at the gym!

It still wasn’t easy and it’s left our friendship unfortunately in limbo.  It’s hard to break up with a longtime stylist who’s also someone you see occasionally out of the salon.    Heck, it’s hard to break up in any relationship.  While I’m nervous about how she’ll be the next time we see each other, I have to remind myself that I’m being Authentically Janie and part of that is Embracing Life’s Changes!  But honestly, it still feels yucky even though it feels good to have a new hairdo…

Have you ever had to break up with a stylist?

 

Posted in finding happiness at 50 | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Make Me Lose Control

Whenever I hear that song Make Me Lose Control by Eric Carmen, I start remembering that summer when the guy I was dating played it whenever we were in his car.  While we’re still friends, he’s married, has kids but still holds a special place in my heart.

So when that song came on the radio the other day (80’s station lol) I started singing and all I could think of was I want a man who will make me lose control…and stop smoking.  A man who will inspire me to want to quit so we can share passionate kisses.  A man who will help me to want to get out of this smoking rut and into a more spontaneous life.  A man who will remind me that I don’t need that crutch anymore because I’m ok.

Now I know that I need to make myself happy and not do things for someone else, but I need a little incentive.  I’m just being honest here.  I know the whole bad for my health thing, but it’s not really making much of a difference.  I’ve cut down the amount that I smoke, but still.  I’ve not yet quit and I’d really like to quit.  I’ve gotten a trainer and I’m working out at the gym, but I haven’t been able to break this bad habit for good.

Maybe you think I’m weak.  Maybe you think I’m being silly, but it’s how I really feel right now.  I want someone to make me lose control of smoking and get out of my comfort zone of staying at home.  I don’t need to be out dancing every night but oh, just the thought of finding someone who lights up that darkened flame within me…ahhh…let the fantasy begin!

Here’s a little reminder in case you want to go down memory lane with me…I’ll make sure I don’t smoke if you promise to take me for a drive under the summer stars and kiss me passionately!  Come on…Make Me Lose Control!  LOL

 

Posted in finding happiness at 50, love, music, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 10 Comments