Why Patient and Powerful?

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So, let me explain why I chose Patient and Powerful ~ or better yet, why the motto which inspired me from The White Princess serves me well.  I am enduring a long, drawn-out divorce which if you’ve been through one, you know that it seems endless as we hurry up and then wait.  Everyone keeps telling me ‘you can’t push the river’ meaning I have to let things process as they are supposed to in their own time.  Hence, Patient.  But honestly, I’m just at the point that I want to be free now.

It wasn’t me who left the marriage as I didn’t want to split up.  But when he informed me that he couldn’t do this anymore, I had no other choice as I am not the type of girl who would beg him to stay.  I offered marriage counseling, but he declined.  So I let him go.  True, I loved him and I held onto the hope that by giving him freedom, he would realize what I thought was a mistake.  But he didn’t return and I had to get on with my life and mend my broken heart.

I’ve been in what I call purgatory for almost 3 years as things drag on, hence my impatience with wanting my freedom now, once and for all.  It’s interesting that I never wanted my freedom.  It was chosen for me by him.  But I am seeing and remembering how I didn’t like who I had become with him.  I didn’t like our established patterns in our relationship and I had outgrown it.  We had become separate, instead of staying connected.  We hadn’t grown in the same way and while I was striving for connections, he was straining to be independent.  Hindsight is 20/20 and I realize that now.  But in the beginning, I mourned for the loss of the man to whom I pledged my love and life.

Sure, I can see signs along the way now that I dismissed or turned a blind eye to in order to keep my hope that things would get better.  Now it’s that proverbial ripping off the band aid in order to let the wound heal.  But, in the past few years that I’ve been in purgatory, it has served me well.  I have been able to connect with other like-minded people who are dealing with divorce and we have supported each other.  I have a solid, strong connection with my children (not that I didn’t before, but this has cemented us like nothing else).  My kids have had to learn life lessons that I wouldn’t have chosen for them at this juncture in their lives, but it has been good.  They are learning about strength, courage, acceptance and love, among other valuable lessons.  I try very hard to role model resilience, kindness, taking the high road and staying centered when all around you is chaos.  So far, it’s been a blessing.

I gave away my power to a degree in my marriage.  It was easier to agree than to fight at times and I guess I took the easier road.  We didn’t fight a lot since I gave in, but I was not a pushover either.  I did stand strong when it mattered to me.  But peace mattered more at times and that’s when I didn’t stand up for myself.  That part I regret, but it’s a great lesson learned which is where the Powerful piece of my mantra feels right.

Patient and Powerful

Does any of this resonate with you?  What is your motto?  You can share mine if you like!

 

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What’s Your Motto?

patientandpowerful

I was watching The White Princess series and I was inspired.  In the series, at one point (spoiler alert, it’s the first episode), the mother-in-law to the Queen of England, tells her daughter-in-law Elizabeth that she has chosen the motto for her.  It will be Humble and Penitent.  Elizabeth agrees, but unbeknownst to her MIL, she quietly changes it to, Hidden and Patient.

I think we all need to find a motto for ourselves at this point in our lives.  Especially with a divorce lurking, I find it’s more difficult to center ourselves and carve out time and energy to take care of ourselves when we are trying so hard to get through what many of us find unbelievable circumstances.  But it’s necessary.

So I began thinking.  What is my motto?  I’ve had people in my life who have chosen my motto according to what they thought I should be.  But now that we are divorcing, I am choosing, like I should have done long ago.

Patient and Powerful

It gives me the utmost peace to repeat this mantra daily.  It gives me strength, courage and a limitless idea of possibility when I say it to myself.  I find myself repeating it at odd times of day when things get hard and it works wonderfully!

I just thought I’d share my motto with you in case you are going through a divorce or you are re-finding yourself at age 50!  It’s a great reset for me and perhaps it will be for you.

Are you willing to try?  Get quiet and allow your mind to wander and then settle in the stillness.  If you are a bit spiritual, now’s the time to ask for the mantra that will bring you what is needed.  Go ahead!  Please let us know what comes to you!

We are all here to support each other during these trying times.  My hand and heart are outstretched to you.  Grab hold and let’s get through these rocky times to our futures of peace, love and joy where we belong!

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Now Is The Time For Rebirth

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Well, it’s early Easter morning and all are asleep in my home.  I’ve already been outside to feel the warm sunshine on my body and to take a quiet walk around the yard.  Looking at the buds pushing through the earth and watching as the insects and 2 white butterflies fly around!  I even saw a bunny hopping through the yard – perhaps the Easter Bunny has come to visit?!  Robins and cardinals soared through the sky above me and the only sounds I heard were from nature.  The sun is shining and sparse white fluffy clouds fill the blue sky.  In this peaceful moment, I take a deep breath and I am grateful for my life.

Spring and Easter are times of rebirth and I think that age 50 is also a time for re- energizing ourselves.  For me, with a divorce, selling our home and having to find a place to move to shortly, I have to make a choice.  I can allow it to either deplete me or re-energize me.  I’ve thought long and hard about it.  It’s a choice for certain and I’m choosing re-energize and rebirth.

It takes courage to start over at 50 with kids, no spouse and little family.  It takes faith to walk the higher ground and to stay silent when angry words will not change a situation for the better for us.  It takes patience to observe the entire chaotic scenario and be able to summon the strength to help each of my kids as they go through this transition.  It takes time to heal broken hearts and mend shattered dreams.

But what I know for sure is that it is all possible with time, with kindness, with love.

My marriage is over.  My life will change dramatically.  My children’s lives will change as we are forced to move from their childhood home.  There’s an important choice here to make that I am role modeling for them, for myself and maybe even for you.

Choose to open yourself to gratitude for what we have today.  Count your blessings.  See the rainbow that comes after the storm.  Look to the future of peace.  Do all things with love.  Take care of yourself so that you have the strength to help others to heal as well.  Accept support from family, friends and loved ones.  Pray.  Meditate.  Get out of your own way of limiting beliefs and envision a future filled with love, laughter, joy and peace.  It is all yours to enjoy once you leave behind the sad past.  Don’t take this moment for granted.  Enjoy that walk in the yard.  Take a lesson from Mother Nature.  Life is cyclical and there are times for hibernation and times to dance.

Now is the time for rebirth!  Let’s dance dear friends!

 

 

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Journaling Power

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Journaling saved me.  There, I said it.  I don’t know if you are a person who likes to write in a journal, but I have found it to be very beneficial.  I don’t necessarily ‘JOURNAL’ as in writing every day, nor do I always do it with anything special in mind.  I write when I need to write in order to process my life and what is happening so that I can make sense of it.  I write poetry.  I write imaginary letters to people which I never send.  I write to let go of negativity and to increase my gratitude for the blessings I have in my life.  I write to plan my day, by listing what I need to do so that I can check off what needs to be done.  I write to empty my head when it feels overwhelmed.  I write to set goals and find a way to plan my steps to achieve them.  I write for a plethora of reasons.  I’ve found it helpful to go back and read what I’ve written at certain times in my life.  Those key times and the despair I was feeling has helped me to see how far I’ve come in my life thus far.

Journaling allows you to tell your own story, to see your own life from a different perspective and to observe the big picture from wherever you are.  It’s hard when you’re in the thick of crisis to be the observer in your own life, but writing your feelings down on paper helps so much!

I write in plain notebooks which suits me best.  But there are many pretty journals out there that you can use, or you can even make your own.  Get a pretty pen that you like, find a comfy spot and just let your pen write freely.  It’s amazing what you find when you just allow your mind to write.  Many answers to life’s problems become clearer and sometimes can even be resolved.  Nobody else ever needs to read what you write unless you choose to share, so write with abandon, write like nobody’s watching and be free with how you feel.  Get in touch with yourself!  It happens naturally when we write freely.

At 50, it’s time for you to take care of you again.  No matter your circumstances or responsibilities, this is your life and you are responsible for you, first and foremost.  Spouses, children, pets, parents, job, finances, friends and loved ones are important too.  But as the saying goes, “if Mama ain’t happy, then nobody’s happy!”

When’s the last time you carved out some ME time?  Take a few minutes every morning or evening to get quiet and write if you feel like it.  Just put a pen to paper and let the words flow out of your mind, to your hand, to your pen.  I write on my computer and with a pen.  I find that a pen allows me to doodle when needed, to write in fancy penmanship and to write in different colors.  I have noticed that depending on my mood, my handwriting changes as well.  Does this happen to you?

Please feel free to share if you journal or if you don’t!  Has it helped you?  Are you willing to try it if you’ve never done it before?  Connect and let me know!

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Moving On and Upwards

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Finding yourself at on the edge of the 50 milestone warrants thought about our next stage of life.  Some of us glide into our 50th jubilee without fretting.  Some of us, due to life circumstances, resist celebrating the milestone.  Some of us stare into the birthday abyss with regret.  Some of us, with exaltation!  How are you feeling?  Or how did you feel if you’ve already begun your next chapter?

The one piece of advice I can give you is to find the positivity in turning 50!  Look upon the milestone as something good that is happening to you!  A new chapter awaits!  A new decade appears!  A new chance for change is here!

What are you going to do with it?

That’s the key question.  What are you going to do with the next 50 years if you get the chance to be here for that long?  Are you going to live your life the way you did the last 50 years?  Or are you going to shake up your world a bit by trying a new hairstyle? Learning to speak a new language?  Traveling?  Changing jobs?  Starting yoga or meditating?  Exercising more or eating better?  Or are you feeling fine with everything in your life?

If you are feeling fine with everything in your life now, then please stand for I long to applaud you!  Congratulations to you!  Woo HOO!  I’m impressed and you’ve got my attention!  Now please share with us how you’ve gotten to this place!

Because most women I’ve met find 50 daunting and begin questioning the next decade and the last 5 decades.  They begin to question where they are in life, who they are with, what they are doing and so forth.  For me, I look at 50 as a chance to rearrange my life a little better, to improve what is working for me, to take a few chances and learn more about myself and to take more time to enjoy my life!

How about you?

 

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Knowing Me, Knowing You

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Do you know you?  I thought I knew ME, but I am learning at rapid speed, since my jubilee is on the horizon (turning 50 you know), that there are parts of me that I’ve limited.  Parts that I think it’s now time to set free.

I have always been, self-admitted, from childhood rules and I guess just my personality, a people-pleaser.  My role was to be the peace-keeper, and the good girl in the family.  I mothered everyone in my family and continued to mother my friends, pets, outside family etc.  I took on the responsibility (which I think was given to me)  of helping everyone to make their lives happier as if it were my sole purpose here on Earth.  What I neglected for far too long I’m finding out, is me.

Because really, who died and left me Boss or better put, Mother Hen?  I disliked conflict so I made sure not to ruffle feathers, to not speak up or to put my own needs aside so that others would be happy and then I would be happy because I wouldn’t feel like I had to help to make them happy.  I gave in and I guess, I gave up in a sense.

I’m not excusing my behavior because I realize that at any point, I could have broken free from the bonds of what my family deemed was my role.  And I did for a time when I moved away from them.  I had a year of bliss when I wasn’t responsible for anyone but me!  It remains my favorite year of my life, although after having kids, their births trump that year!  As a mom, you know what I mean.

But that little spitfire, the girl who LIVED a year only being responsible for herself, that is who I am in spirit.  I won’t ever stop mothering or caring for those whom I love, but I am unwilling, as I stand on the cusp of 50, to put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own anymore.

This is going to be a process for me to allow myself to not jump when a family member needs me and I have my own crisis to deal with at the same time.  Surely, it will be a bit of a tango for me or maybe more like the chicken dance! HA  But I will somehow make it work, but keep myself, my needs, my life in the forefront while I’m helping.  I won’t forget to put on MY OXYGEN MASK (like they say before the airplane takes off) before I help them to put on theirs.

This is the cusp of 50 me talking…

What about you?  What changed when you turned 50?

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Learning To Love Myself On Valentine’s Day

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Learning To Love Myself On Valentine’s Day

It’s not the first year that I am sans ‘Valentine’ as the divorce is getting closer to being done.  I am looking forward to the new beginning and tying up all the loose ends of a marriage which ended when he left years ago.  I’ve been stuck in a purgatory of sorts while the separation, then divorce have dragged on interminably.

In the meantime, I have been finally thinking more about me, rather than him.  Of course the kids are first and foremost, but at some point, I have to start a life for myself, even slowly taking baby steps towards being ‘single’ again.  It’s hard for me to wrap my head and heart around the fact that hopefully sooner rather than later, I will be Ms. and not the Mrs. I have been for more than 20 years.

I sent Valentine cards to friends and family this year, some of whom are divorced or in the process as well.  I wanted them to know that they are not alone and that Valentine’s Day is not just about romantic love, but about who we cherish in our lives.  Friendships forged because of circumstances, people who support each other because we understand how it feels to have a marriage fall apart and have to pick up the pieces of a broken heart all while being strong for our kids.

I am learning to find my sparkle again, to love myself and to pat myself on the back when I’ve been ‘Ms. Fix-it’ around the house (as that was his job).  When he left, my self-esteem took a huge plunge into the abyss and I’ve been treading water for so long that finally, I feel a surge of energy to pull myself out and just be me.  No expectations of when I will meet someone new, I’m not looking at the moment.  I just want to enjoy the flow of my new beginnings, but be in a confident place in my heart/mind/soul.

So that’s what I’m doing for Valentine’s Day this year.  I bought myself some pretty flowers to brighten my day.  I tried to spread sunshine and gratitude by sending simple cards to friends and family, thanking them for being so kind, supportive and loving towards me.  I think a special dinner with my kids is in order (and of course, they have cards and a little bit of candy as a surprise).

I hope you have a lovely Valetine’s Day.  Even if you don’t have a ‘Valentine’ enjoy the day by loving and pampering you!

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